


Looking in the Wrong Places

by 0richalcum



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Coming Out, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Frozen 2 (2019) Spoilers, Homophobia, Sisters, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 69,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21609013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0richalcum/pseuds/0richalcum
Summary: About a year after Elsa relinquished the throne to her sister Anna and went to live with the Northuldra, she finds herself the target of a conspiracy that aims to kill her. While navigating her relationship with her sister, Elsa also finds her feelings for her friend Honeymaren to be growing at an alarming pace. In order to protect the people she loves and to preserve her own heart, Elsa realizes that she will have to make some very difficult choices.
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney), Anna/Kristoff (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Comments: 358
Kudos: 1209





	1. The Deal

The night was bitterly cold, and the wind howled mercilessly, whipping the fallen autumn leaves into a frenzy. It had started raining about an hour ago, and everything was damp, freezing, and miserable. Elsa couldn’t care less. The worse the weather was, the more likely people would stay indoors, and the less likely she was to be spotted striding through the streets of Arendelle.

“No one will care if they see you!” Anna had exclaimed once, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “It’s not like you’re up to anything malicious. Everyone will figure you’re just going to visit your sister - which you are.”

Her younger sister had made a fair point, and was probably right in that no one would truly care if they saw her. But Anna didn’t get it; walking through the streets of the kingdom Elsa had once ruled felt wrong somehow, and Elsa wasn’t always able to control the guilt she felt when coming across one of her former citizens. Though she had almost never been treated with anything besides kindness or politeness, she couldn’t help but feeling she was a let-down.

A rational feeling? Probably not. Anna told her it wasn’t. And Anna was usually right. It didn’t, however, stop Elsa from planning her visits to her sister after sunset, and after awhile, Anna stopped bringing it up.

They usually had too many other things to talk about anyways.

Elsa made it to the shadowed palace gates, pulling her sodden cloak closer to her body. For once, the palace seemed warm and inviting as it loomed over her, its brightly lit windows promising heat and comfort. Elsa didn’t often get cold, but the mixture of wind and freezing rain was kind of a bitch.

Steering clear of the main entrance, Elsa made her way through the soaked grass to a servants’ entrance.

“Good evening, Your- I mean, Miss, um...”

“Just Elsa is alright,” Elsa murmured for what felt like the millionth time as she slipped past the guard and through the door.

No one knew how to address her anymore, now that she had given up the throne, and it had gotten tiring quickly.

Once out of earshot, she loosed a gigantic sigh and-

“Elsaaaaa!” cried a voice and something crashed into her.

“Oh!” she gasped, then realized she was being crushed in a tight hug by the queen of Arendelle.

“They told me you were coming and- ewww, you’re all wet, what have you been doing?” came the now muffled voice from her shoulder.

Elsa laughed and pulled away, holding her sister at arm’s length. Despite the surprise attack, she noticed that she had completely relaxed now in the company of her sister. “It’s raining, didn’t you notice?”

“Honestly, no, I hadn’t. Kristoff and I have been really… busy.”

Elsa raised her eyebrows at Anna’s now-pink cheeks, paired with the fact that it seemed that the only thing her sister was wearing was a silk robe, but decided not to question it. Anna seemed grateful.

“Anyways, come on. You’re getting the floor all wet.” She grabbed Elsa’s hand and began nearly running to the nearest staircase, practically dragging her sister along with her.

Elsa had wondered if being queen would change Anna’s behavior or personality at all, but it hadn’t seemed to in the slightest. Elsa wasn’t sure she had ever been more glad of anything; the red-haired woman now shoving her into their old, shared room was the same as the young girl content with building snowmen all day long.

“How are you?” her sister asked, digging through a drawer in the bureau, tossing out items of clothing she must have deemed unsuitable. “Tell me everything.”

“I’m better, now that I’m with you,” Elsa smiled fondly at her sister as she tossed a pair of underwear behind her and onto the bed.

Anna paused her digging momentarily to put a hand over her heart and looked at Elsa with the same expression.

It was true. Whatever stress or anxiety Elsa felt was automatically lessened just by seeing her sister’s face. Whenever she was with Anna, she felt empowered, like she could do anything. And when she wasn’t, she missed her so much her heart ached, and being reunited only made her realize how hard being separated truly was.

“Here, try this,” Anna threw a light blue nightgown at her sister. “Get out of those clothes, you’ll get sick.”

Elsa held the cotton nightgown up and frowned. It was from her teenage years and she doubted it would fit, and she was sure it wasn’t practical clothing for traveling.

Anna noticed her expression. “You’re spending the night, right?”

“Actually, I thought I would-”

“Nonsense,” Anna shut the drawer with a note of finality. “You’re spending the night.”

Elsa was always at war with herself between hating the palace, but loving her sister, and usually didn’t stay longer than she had to. But tonight, the joy of seeing her sister won out and Elsa discovered she didn’t even care to try to resist- it wouldn’t do a whole lot of good anyways.

Still, she raised the question. “Kristoff?”

Anna shook her head and smiled. “Sleeping. He’s really tired.”

“I’ll go change then,” she nodded to the door.

Anna’s grin widened. “I’ll call up some snacks. Then, we talk.”

* * *

Elsa wasn’t sure how long they’d been talking. The candles had burned low, but still cast a warm, flickering glow across the airy, spacious bedroom. Elsa and her sister had taken up positions on a bed, Elsa curled on her side, her head propped up on her hand, and Anna was sprawled on her back like a starfish.

It had been a year since Elsa had moved away from her sister to live with the Northuldra, her mother’s people. She initially had managed to visit Anna a few times a week at least, but as the months wore on and Anna became busier and busier with various queenly duties, their visits became more spaced out. Now, Elsa was lucky to see her sister twice a month: an arrangement she was less than fond of.

“Tell me about the hunters again,” Elsa now demanded, as Anna stared up at the ceiling.

Their conversation had taken a turn from their normal catching up and gossiping about their lives apart and had instead adopted a different, more serious subject that both sisters knew well: the increasing conflict between the citizens of Arendelle and the Northuldra.

“You already know what happened.” Anna blew out a breath that sent her bangs fluttering off her forehead.

“It’s different from your perspective. Just- indulge me.”

“Fine.”

Anna tilted her head to look up at her sister and began. Elsa couldn’t help but notice that her tone was much heavier than it had been earlier with their light-hearted banter.

“A group of people from Arendelle were out hunting in the Northern wood. They shot and killed a reindeer, completely by accident-”

“So they claim,” Elsa interjected, and Anna nodded in agreement.

“So they claim. It turns out that the reindeer was one of the Northuldra’s, who were both devastated and angered by its death. Which, I mean, is totally understandable. Who could blame them, Elsa? Poor little thing.”

Elsa felt the normal spark of anger and sadness she did when she heard about the incident from others, but stayed silent. 

“Anyways, this supposed group of hunters are nowhere to be found. The only thing I’ve heard is from the Northuldra, but even their side of the story is a bit muddled. I don’t know who was involved in the incident itself which makes it very hard to lay down the law, so to speak, and deliver the justice that the Northuldra are asking me for.”

Elsa nodded slowly along to Anna’s words. Her sister, the queen, knew about as much as she expected her to, which managed to be both good and bad. 

“And it’s not the only time that this sort of thing has happened,” Anna was continuing. “The Northuldra has been complaining about river pollution, and the hunters are saying their territory has shrank, which I’m not really sure that it has, and all of the maps that do separate the territories are more than 50 years old and sort of vague.”

Elsa frowned. “So you’re saying that if you knew more about territory lines and laws, it would be easier to help?”

Anna huffed another frustrated breath. “Well, yeah, and more about the incident in general. If I could just find out where the incident happened and who was involved, everything would be a lot easier to fix. But I don’t know anything.”

Silently, Elsa stored away her words. She desperately hoped to quell her sister’s frustration, but there were certain things that had to stay secret. And then hopefully Elsa could fix the rest before her sister ever found out the details of what had really transpired the night of the infamous “reindeer incident”.

“No one has been able to get past the mist in 35 years so all these issues are pretty new. It’s been all this atop of foreign affairs, trying to keep everyone happy, and it’s just… difficult.” During her spiel, Anna had turned away from Elsa, addressing her words to the ceiling as if she was afraid to be saying them out loud. Now finished, she peeked back and winced. 

“Damn, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to complain. It’s fine, really. Nothing I can’t handle. Elsa? Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” Elsa said, startled.

“Like you’re guilty. Because listen, it’s fine. I’m alright.”

“You’re stressed,” Elsa murmured, her voice trembling.

“Understandably!” Anna sat up. “Being queen is stressful. It’s in the job description. Which I already knew, and agreed to, so don’t you dare-”

“Anna.”

Anna fell silent, her cheeks flushed. 

Elsa took a deep breath, in and out of her nose, preparing herself to be shot down. “How about you let me help with some of it? I could help with the border disputes.”

“No. Out of the question,” Anna responded instantly. 

Elsa wasn’t ready to back down. She and her sister had had this conversation many times in many different variations and Elsa’s offer always ended up getting refused. Not this time, though. Elsa  _ needed  _ to help.

“No. Out of the question,” Anna responded instantly.

Elsa wasn’t ready to back down. She and her sister had had this conversation many times in many different variations and Elsa’s offer always ended up getting refused. Not this time, though.

“You used to help me when I was queen,” Elsa began.

“Yes, but only with-”

Elsa held up a single, pale finger. “All I am asking is to just help research. I can ask some of the older members of the Northuldra about territorial boundaries. I could take some old books, or maps and study them in my free time, which I do have quite a bit of. And before you say it, I know you’re capable of doing it all yourself. I have never doubted your abilities-”

“False.”

“As queen. But as queen it would be foolish to refuse this offer, especially coming from someone who lives with the Northuldra.”

Elsa took Anna’s silence as a sign of victory, and it was all she could do to suppress a triumphant grin.

“Okay…” Anna said slowly.

Then, a slow smile began growing across her face and Elsa watched with mounting confusion. She dared not speak.

“But… I think I should get something in return for letting you assist me.”

“What?” Elsa blurted. “Whatever could you possibly want?”

Anna flopped over on her side, the candle light illuminating a mischievous grin spread across her features. “I can think of a couple things.”

“You know you can have anything you want from me, Anna,” Elsa said, starting to grow a bit worried.

“So, then, it wouldn’t be a problem if I… maybe picked out a couple dates for you?”

Understanding dawned, then horror.

“What? Anna, no. You know I don’t date!”

“You’ve never tried it,” Anna smirked. “You know, I worry about you sometimes. Poor Elsa, forever alone.”

Her sister made a mock-pouty face.

“I’m not alone. I have you. And Kristoff. And Honeymaren. And Ryder,” Elsa pointed out hotly.

“Ooh, Ryder,” Anna smirked. “Maybe he could be your first date.”

Elsa loved her sister, but she hated nothing more than these conversations. She always meant it when she said she had never wanted to date any man, ever. But Anna never seemed to understand.

Rolling her eyes, Elsa ignored her sister’s taunts. “Anna, why won’t you just let me help you?”

“Because I want you to understand that I can do this alone,” Anna replied, and though her tone was casual, Elsa felt a spark of shame.

“I do understand that!”

Anna looked away. “Well, maybe I need to understand it myself.”

Silence fell over the room, thick and heavy. Elsa resisted her urge to smooth back her sister’s hair, pull her into her arms, and tell her every reason why she was the greatest queen in the world, and more than capable to do anything she wanted.

Instead, she steeled herself, ignoring the warning bells in her head, and said the one thing she knew would make her sister happy. “Three dates. And that’s all.”

It was like a switch went off. Anna eyes widened and she screeched, flinging herself atop Elsa.

“Really?!”

Elsa ignored her instant and deep regret and managed a muffled ‘yes’ from underneath Anna.

It’s for Anna, she reminded herself. You can do it if it’s for her.

“Aww, Elsa, I’m so excited for you! You’re not going to regret this, I promise. In fact, you’ll love it!”

Anna raised herself up over Elsa, her hands pinning her shoulders to the bed. Strands of her sister’s long, red hair tickled her face. Seeing Anna’s face so filled with joy almost made things better. Almost. She tried for what she hoped was a winning smile. Anna shrieked with happiness again.

“My sister is growing up!” Anna yelled.

Elsa felt a twinge of annoyance for two reasons: One, because her sister had probably woken up half the castle. And two, because she didn’t know one had to date to be considered “grown up.” Anna probably hadn’t meant it that way, but it still sort of hurt.

“I’ll start thinking of prospects right away,” Anna was gushing. “Oh, I’m so excited.”

Whatever it takes to make her happy, Elsa told herself, sternly. Whatever it takes.

“You alright?” asked Anna, staring down at her.

“Yes,” Elsa faked a yawn. “Just a little tired.”

“Oh, yeah,” Anna nodded vigorously. “Me too.”

Anna did not seem remotely tired, but she leapt off the bed and blew off the candles on the bureau, plunging the room into darkness.

Elsa heard her jump a moment later and felt her land on the bed beside her. Elsa reached out, gathering her sister into her arms.

“I love you, sis,” Anna murmured.

“Love you, too,” Elsa whispered to the darkness.

Anna fell asleep before she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! This is my very first work, and I'm super excited to share it with all of you! I'll try to update as often as I can, but I'm not going to make any promises. Hope you enjoy! :)


	2. The Return

Anna sent her sister on her way with a stack of yellowed maps and some weathered books containing official records and old laws. Elsa seemed far more interested in the dusty volumes than Anna figured was natural, and supremely satisfied and relieved. 

_ She just worries about you. And wants to help,  _ Anna reminded herself.  _ Which is completely like, totally normal. _

Anna wished she could talk herself out of her irrational feelings, and just appreciate the help. Which, deep down, she was glad to have.

Now, Anna stood atop her personal balcony that overlooked the gate out of the palace. The bright midday sun was blinding, and she had to squint to make out the form of her sister, getting smaller and smaller as she walked briskly through the gates, her white-blonde hair streaming behind her.

“Is that Elsa?” 

It was Kristoff. Anna felt him wrap his arms around her and rest his head on her shoulder. She smiled without turning around.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “How are you doing?”

“I’m kind of exhausted,” her husband admitted. “Did she not want to say hello?”

“Same,” Anna yawned to hide her smirk. “And of course she did, but we were busy. Girl talk. Next time?”

Elsa hadn’t mentioned wanting to see Kristoff, but Anna figured she probably wanted to. One of her favorite things in the world was her sister’s relationship with her husband. She always figured that she had lucked out in that department. 

“Sure. Feels like I never get to see her anymore, though.”

Anna turned around in the circle of his arms to face him and cupped his face with her hands. His warm brown eyes flickered with amusement. “Me too.”

“So what’d you talk about?” Kristoff wiggled his eyebrows.

His hair had grown out quite a bit since Anna had made him cut it before their wedding. He now kept it tied back with a cloth strip, which Anna claimed made him look like a wild man, which he said he was, and kept threatening to cut it in his sleep. However, if she was honest, she didn’t mind it much at all. She’d never admit it, though.

“Hmm,” she said, pretending to think. She tapped a finger against her chin. “Periods.”

“Ha-ha,” Kristoff responded drily. “No, really. Anything important? You were up for hours. I thought you were having an affair.”

“I would never,” announced Anna, and turned around, leaning over the railing. She couldn’t see her sister anymore. She had probably gotten on her water horse and was currently speeding across the waves. What a fifth spirit. 

“She said she was going to help us research old laws and territory lines. You know, for the reindeer incident.”

“Oh, excellent.” Kristoff sounded excited. “I was actually just going to ask you to talk to her about that. She’s the perfect person to help.”

Still bent over the railing, Anna scrunched up her entire face while Kristoff couldn’t see her. She knew she was being dramatic. She couldn’t even accept a tiny bit of help without making a big deal about it. Even when it was the wisest decision to make. She was such a shit queen.

“I also convinced her to go on a couple dates- with men of my choosing,” Anna turned her head over her shoulder to look at Kristoff, eager to change the subject. 

She suddenly found that she didn’t want to mention how she had managed to convince her sister to do that, and explain their deal which now seemed so, so stupid and childish. 

Kristoff’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. “Elsa?  _ Date? _ Did you hold her at knifepoint?”

“Psh, no,” scoffed Anna while simultaneously realizing she might as well have. “Isn’t it great though? I’ve been wanting her to date since we were like, 5 and 8.”

Kristoff seemed less than convinced. He hopped onto the railing beside her. “I don’t know. It’s kind of hard to imagine. I always thought, you know, that Elsa wasn’t into that sort of stuff.”

“Oh, she is,” Anna assured him, focusing her vision on the far off horizon on a puffy cloud shaped exactly like a dragon. “She’s just awkward, you know? Like, she’d probably never even know she was into it if I didn’t help her along.”

In truth, Anna had never seen her sister interested in any sort of man. But then again, Elsa had had a lot of shit to figure out. She’d never had time for romance. And now she did. She had all the time in the world. Anna wanted to be sure her sister got all the best experiences she could.

Kristoff still looked doubtful. “I mean, if you say so. I guess you know her better than I do. But, wow. Elsa, dating? I just- wow.”

“It is kind of hard to imagine, isn’t it?” Anna remarked, now envisioning her sister seated at a candle-lit table with some random dude, his face clouded in shadow. Then she imagined shadow-man leaning over the table and-

Anna gagged. 

“What?” Kristoff said, shocked. “Are you choking?”

“No, just… envisioning things,” Anna muttered, her eyes watering.

“Eww, Anna! She’s your sister!” He elbowed her in the side. “You’re lucky I didn’t just push you off the balcony.”

“Ok, Hans,” Anna said in her deepest voice, with her eyes rolled up into their sockets.

Her husband laughed incredulously. “Did you just call me Hans?”

Anna was giggling so hard that she could hardly breathe. She stood up straight and backed up a few steps before Kristoff really did push her off. 

“Seriously though,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes. “I worry about her sometimes. She’s had such a hard time with, I don’t know, everything, and I want her to have some normal experiences, too. Even if she thinks she doesn’t want them. Sometimes I’m not sure she knows what she’s missing. I worry about her being lonely.”

Kristoff ruffled her tangled mess of hair. “She’s lucky to have you. But I wouldn’t worry about her being lonely. She has you. And… me. And she seems pretty close with that Honeymaren girl. So I wouldn’t worry.”

“Besides,” her husband said, a funny look on his face. “Dating kind of sucks.”

Anna’s eyes widened. “What’s that supposed to mean? The only person you’ve ever dated is… me!”

Kristoff hid his laugh behind his hand. Anna hoped no one in Arendelle was watching as she mimed shoving her husband off the balcony. Being queen was hard enough without people accusing her of attempted murder. 

* * *

Winter was coming. Elsa had always been able to tell when the season was approaching. She had never been sure if it was part of her abilities, or just a really good sense of foreboding. Whichever it was, winter was fast approaching, and it was going to be epic. 

Elsa unbuttoned her sister’s cloak with a free hand and relished the biting wind. In a stark contrast from last night’s weather, the sky was bright and blindingly clear. Everything felt sharp and defined, and Elsa inhaled the fresh, woodsy air deeply and sighed.

She was almost home.

_ Home.  _ It was still a weird word to think- and a weird thing to have. Elsa wasn’t sure she’d ever truly felt at home in the palace. Maybe more in the last few years she had, but the palace had always been associated with the old her. The one that had been forced to hide, to conceal, and shove all of the parts that made her  _ her  _ deep inside where no one could ever see them.

Sometimes, Elsa forgot how things used to be, especially compared to how things were now. Nothing ever seemed that bad in the moment, but in retrospect, she wondered how she had been able to live that long pushing everything so deep inside of her. 

Elsa figured that if her home was a person, it would be with Anna. And part of it always would be. But if home was a place, she was sure that she’d found it. With the Northuldra. Her mother’s people. She had been living with the Northuldra for a year, and she had to admit- it was nice.

She was happy.

She had found a group of people who accepted her for who she was, and who she felt she could actually identify with. And that felt good. Almost too good to be true. 

The woods cleared and Elsa found herself standing atop a hill looking down into a massive valley filled with tents and rock-lined fire pits. People, her people, milled about talking, laughing, cooking over small fires, or sewing fabric together to make clothes. It was midday, so most of the people in the camp were either very old or very young. Anyone able to work was out doing so, fishing, gathering, hunting, or doing numerous other things that Elsa was still trying to get the ropes of. 

Even despite this fact, Elsa still found her eyes wandering around the camp, searching for a girl with a long, dark braid, ruler-straight bangs, and a signature light-brown, fur lined cap. Though she knew she wouldn’t find her, she couldn’t help her pang of disappointment.

_ Tonight, _ she told herself.  _ You’ll see her tonight. _

“Looking for someone?”

Elsa jumped, and embarrassingly, an ice bullet shot out of her free hand and impaled itself in the dirt. 

“Whoa, careful there,” Ryder calmly sidestepped the ice spike as he made his way over to her.

No one in the Northuldra ever seemed to fear Elsa’s abilities the way people in Arendelle did. They seemed to completely trust that she had control over her ice powers, sometimes to the extent where Elsa worried for their safety in other situations. In any case, she appreciated not being ogled and treated like some exotic animal.

“Sorry,” Elsa muttered. 

“No worries!” Ryder said cheerfully. He had a large burlap sack slung over his shoulder. “Sorry I surprised you. So, were you looking for something?”

Elsa couldn’t understand why she felt the need to shake her head instead of just admitting the completely harmless truth. “No, I was just-”

“I think my sister is out in the fields with the reindeer, if you were wondering.”  He shrugged lamely, a sheepish grin on his face.

Elsa cleared her throat. “Oh. Uh, thanks.”

Why was she always so damn awkward?

“No problem!” Ryder gave her a thumbs up, and Elsa resisted the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Sooo…” he said, his voice trailing off. 

The noise of the people below was too far away to fill the sudden, awkward silence.

“I went to visit my sister,” Elsa blurted, feeling the need to say something. 

He nodded. “Yeah, you told me yesterday. How is she?”

“Fine,” Elsa responded, sure her cheeks were bright red, wondering how socially acceptable it would be if she head-slammed a rock. “I’m going to go now. To see Honeymaren.”

It suddenly sounded like the best idea she’d ever had. 

“Sure,” Ryder nodded easily. “Have fun. See you around, Elsa.”

She waved good-bye and set off quickly in the direction of the fields, not bothering to stop and drop the books off at her tent.

Ryder was a great person and Elsa had nothing against him. But if she was honest, talking to him in large groups was so much easier than talking to him one on one. She just had this strange feeling that he was seeing into her soul and reading her thoughts, which was absolutely ridiculous. She just got the feeling that he knew things- things that she didn’t want anyone to know. Deep down thoughts that she refused to consider herself. 

She shuddered at the idea and continued onwards, towards Honeymaren.

* * *

A girl sat in the middle of a wide field, stroking a sleeping baby reindeer on her lap. The sun reflected off of her dark, shiny hair. Around her, countless reindeer roamed, munching on the wild grass. Her earlier awkward encounter aside, she resisted the urge to go skipping and twirling through the field to that girl. She now felt incredibly light on her feet, and assumed it had something to do with the large expanse of grass and the beautiful weather. 

Instead, she walked up to her friend in a composed manner. Elsa couldn’t be certain of it, but as she approached her friend, she could’ve sworn she saw her relax slightly.

“Hello,” Elsa said calmly as she stopped just before Honeymaren, and looked down, taking in the sight of her. 

“Elsa!” Honeymaren exclaimed warmly. “Nice to see you came back.”

Immediate shame hit Elsa like a punch to the gut. She hadn’t even thought of Honeymaren when she agreed to stay the night with Anna, or of the fact that she’d  _ told  _ her she’d be back in a few hours.

“Oh my goodness,” she moaned. “I’m so sorry, I completely forgot. The weather was terrible and Anna wanted me to stay the night. I should’ve written. I’m… sorry.”

Honeymaren stared at her for a few seconds and Elsa wished she could tell what she was thinking. 

“It’s fine,” she said, moments later. “Don’t worry about it.”

Elsa bit her lip… and worried about it.

“Here,” said Honeymaren, as if sensing it. “Sit down.”

She patted the grass beside her and the baby reindeer. Elsa gratefully accepted and sank to the ground, folding her legs under herself. It was enough time to fully collect her thoughts.

“It’s not fine, though,” she said, and looked into her friend’s eyes. “I…”

She didn't want to say ‘forgot about you’, even though she sort of had and it felt awful. She could never truly “forget” about Honeymaren- not really. Sometimes, though, she just pushed the thought of her deep down inside of her where she couldn’t access it. She had no idea why. Sometimes, it just seemed like the best option. Terrible as it was.

There was also a part of her that was surprised and touched that Honeymaren had worried about her. She didn’t want to say that she wouldn’t have expected it, but their relationship was different these days. Anyone in the Northuldra would say that Honeymaren and Elsa were inseparable, but it wasn’t exactly true anymore. It had been a long year, that was for sure. And though nothing had happened to jeopardize their relationship, things were feeling more different by the day. 

“You…? Honeymaren prompted, her brown eyes sparkling.

To Elsa’s relief, she didn’t seem angry. 

“Should’ve told you,” Elsa finished. “It wasn’t right of me not to.”

Honeymaren patted Elsa’s knee. It was a casual gesture, yet it sent warmth coursing through her all the same. 

“Next time, you will,” the dark-haired woman smiled. “I’ve no doubt of it.”

Elsa looked down into her lap and smiled, too, completely aware of the stupid blush on her face. She cleared her throat. 

“I have something to show you,” Elsa eyed Honeymaren sideways as she removed the large satchel of books and maps from her shoulder. She gently lifted out the first volume titled “ History of Arendelle Law ” and set it gently on her lap, still gauging Honeymaren’s reaction.

The shepherdess’s eyes widened. “Is that…”

“Yes,” Elsa nodded. “I asked Anna if I could help with researching in regards to… you know.”

“Oh, Elsa,” Honeymaren whispered. “This is… this is great. I promise, we’re going to make them pay for what they did.”

Elsa nodded. “I know.”

“Did you tell her?”

“No,” Elsa whispered back. Why she was whispering with no one around she didn’t understand. 

“I didn’t want to stress her out more than she already is. And I figured we could find something in one of these,” Elsa gestured to the books, “before we tell her.”

“Smart,” Honeymaren nodded. “Poor Anna. I couldn’t imagine how she, or you, could stand to be queen of an entire kingdom.”

“It was immensely difficult,” Elsa found herself admitting. “I just want to make it easier for Anna.”

“Of course,” Honeymaren said seriously. “I get that. May I?”

She gestured to the book.

“Please,” Elsa smiled, and moved a little closer so Honeymaren could reach without taking the heavy book and smashing the baby reindeer on her lap. 

As Honeymaren reached to open the book, one of her fingers grazed Elsa’s which were holding the book steady. Even with the brief contact, warmth coursed through Elsa’s entire arm and settled in the pit of her stomach. She was used to the feeling. Every time she and Honeymaren casually or accidentally touched, she felt that same thing. She did her best to ignore it, but it was getting harder.

Honeymaren leaned over Elsa’s lap to see the book, her dark haired head so incredibly close to Elsa’s that she could smell her pinewood scent. Elsa drew a shaky breath. She wondered what the hell was happening to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	3. The Birth

_ One Year Earlier _

Honeymaren couldn’t believe it. The very same girl whom she had shared that deep conversation by the campfire with, who  _ loved  _ her baby reindeer, and who had the most beautiful singing voice she had ever heard had actually listened when Honeymaren had told her she belonged with them- with the Northuldra. And now she was living with them. 

It had been a week since Elsa had given the throne to her younger sister, Anna, and nearly two since the mist was eradicated. Honeymaren was still in awe. All her life, she had been trapped behind a wall of thick fog, always  _ wondering  _ what lie beyond it and now she suddenly knew. It was overwhelming, to say the least. Overwhelming, terrifying, and absolutely wonderful. 

It felt like everything had happened so fast. Honeymaren had been getting ready to prep for winter with the rest of her tribe, and then suddenly, a white haired queen with ice powers had turned her entire world on its head.

Honeymaren saw her now, that same ice queen who had arrived those two weeks ago, powers blazing (or freezing, more like), ready to find the answers she needed. Now she was seated on a log next to an old woman named Greta who was teaching her how to weave fishing nets.

Honeymaren watched the process through a slit in her tent. Her long, thin fingers twisted and wove the ropes, her blue eyes narrowed in focus, and she laughed when she made a mistake. She looked happy, content, and rather gorgeous, and Honeymaren knew she hadn’t made a mistake when she had told Elsa that she belonged here, and she was sure that her fellow Northuldra agreed. 

In all truth, Honeymaren had hardly gotten to see Elsa at all since she had come to live with them. She was too popular, so to speak. Everyone  _ loved  _ her, no matter their ages. The elderly were constantly inviting her to eat with them, and then proceeding to tell her stories for hours and hours. Young children were always wanting to play with her, begging her to use her ice powers and then playing with her long, silky hair. 

Elsa must have been the busiest person in the entire tribe, but Honeymaren had never seen her complain, or seen her react with anything but sheer politeness to any of it. It kind of amazed her. 

The snow queen had never struck her as a very social person, not that she knew her enough for her to really strike her as  _ anything,  _ and so Honeymaren had to admit that she was impressed. Honeymaren knew that she herself didn’t have the patience to sit around and play with children all day or let old people tell her their whole life stories, though she did  _ love  _ stories. 

Elsa’s seemingly unending patience probably had something to do with the fact that she had only lived with the Northuldra for a week. Or maybe she was just an amazing, kind, and patient person. Whatever the reason, Honeymaren knew that today was going to be different. 

Today, Elsa wouldn’t have to suffer through lessons, stories, and games. Today, she was coming with Honeymaren.

* * *

By the time Honeymaren left her tent, Elsa had already disappeared. Her plan was already proving to be more difficult than she had anticipated, and Honeymaren knew that she had to find her before she lost her nerve.

_ Remember,  _ she told herself.  _ Elsa’s really sweet, and you loved talking to her. She’s only intimidating because you don’t know her well enough yet. But you’re going to. _

“Hey, Mar!” called a voice.

Honeymaren looked across the camp to see her brother, waving a radish at her. It was both endearing and annoying all at once. 

“Hey, Ryder,” she grinned, hopping through the deserted camp.

The wind whistled through the tent flaps and the bare branches of the trees, and a series of dark clouds on the horizon promised that something was coming. It was probably going to snow. A lot.

“Want this radish?” Ryder grinned down at her as she approached.

“I don’t,” she replied flatly.  _ I want Elsa. _

The sudden, intrusive thought made her face feel hot. Ryder didn’t seem to notice.

“Your reindeer looks like it’s about to burst, if you were wondering. You should get over there, if you want to see the birth.”

A thrill raced through her, along with a sense of urgency. She had to hurry, if things were going to go according to her plan. 

“I was actually looking for Elsa,” she said casually. Maybe too casually. Was she being paranoid?

“Elsa?” her brother frowned, thinking. “I think she went to the river. With Greta. Good luck getting ahold of her, though. She’s in pretty high demand. But you should really go check on-”   


“Yeah, I know. Thanks!” she yelled and went bounding through the forest. 

“Uh, bye!” her brother called after her, but she was no longer paying attention. 

The river wasn’t far from the outskirts of the camp which also, conveniently, wasn’t far from the grazing fields. Taking trips to the river when she was younger used to be an entire ordeal, but now she could easily clear the distance in less than five minutes. Steering clear of the worn dirt path that would have increased the span of her run by another 5 minutes, Honeymaren instead shot through the trees, kicking up leaves and dodging branches. Her breath fogged up in front of her. With a final leap, she stopped abruptly atop a hill with a clear view of the wide, clear river before her.

Elsa was indeed situated there, surrounded by both fishermen and other random people alike that Honeymaren knew had actually no real business hanging around the river. It appeared that Elsa was trying to listen to multiple people talking at once. As Honeymaren approached quietly, her sturdy boots finding purchase on the steep decline, she realized that for the first time, Elsa did appear to look slightly uncomfortable, or at the very least, overwhelmed.

Did she always feel that way? Or just today? Honeymaren cursed herself for not paying closer attention. Maybe she should’ve rescued the woman days earlier.

Not wanting to waste another moment, Honeymaren steeled herself, and inserted herself in the group. 

“Hey! Sorry to bother you all, but I actually need to borrow Elsa for a bit.”

Everyone turned to look at her, their expressions varying from surprised to annoyed. Elsa’s own face was carefully blank, and for one horrible second, Honeymaren considered the possibility that maybe she wouldn’t  _ want  _ to come with her. 

“She told me she would yesterday. Sorry…” Honeymaren schooled her features into faked regret.

Elsa was still staring at her, dumbstruck. Honeymaren stared back at her, and jerked her head slightly, urging her to follow along. At last, she seemed to understand.

“I did say that,” Elsa said, and shrugged helplessly. “It’s very important. I’ll be back soon, though!”

Then she looked at Honeymaren as if to ask if she actually  _ would  _ be back soon. Honeymaren raised her shoulders infinitesimally. She had no idea. Without another word, she linked her arm through Elsa’s and began briskly leading her away from the group, whose expressions now ranged from anger to outright hostility. She suppressed a laugh. Honeymaren had been screwing with her fellow Northuldra since she was old enough to walk. They had forgiven her then, and they’d probably forgive her this time, too. Eventually.

Not a moment after they were out of earshot, Elsa actually did begin laughing, tilting her face to the sky, her eyes closed revealing her shimmering purple lids. Honeymaren immediately felt at ease, though rather short of breath, and laughed along with her. 

“Did you see their faces when I took you?” Honeymaren cried gleefully.

“I did! Do you think they hate me now?”

Honeymaren immediately shook her head. “Maybe me, but not you. They could never hate you.”

Elsa processed this. “I don’t think they could hate you, either.”

Honeymaren side-eyed her. “Ah, but you don’t know what I’ve done.”

“Well, now I’m curious,” Elsa responded with a delicate laugh.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Honeymaren wiggled her eyebrows. She was grinning so hard that it almost hurt.

Honeymaren then realized that she had no idea how old Elsa was, only that she was around her age. She added the question to her growing mental list of things that she wanted to know about the former queen. As she was doing so, their get-away fast walk slowed to a nice and leisurely stroll. Elsa spoke again, once their energy had calmed down.

“It’s so good to see you! It feels like it’s been forever.”

Honeymaren ignored the way her heart sped up at hearing this. “I know! I thought they’d never let me talk to you again!”

“It’s been a crazy week,” Elsa acknowledged. “Crazy, but good.”

“Well, it’s about to get better,” Honeymaren told her. “Follow me.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see…”

“You’re so full of secrets!” Elsa exclaimed, but she didn’t seem the least bit upset about it.

By the time they reached the clearing where her reindeer grazed, Honeymaren feared that they had been too late. A quick look around told her that they almost had been, but not quite. Once again, her instincts had prevailed.

“Come slowly,” Honeymaren told her, “and try to be quiet.”

She could tell that Elsa wanted to ask what was happening, judging by the question harbored in her light blue eyes, but she heeded Honeymaren’s advice and followed in silence.

Honeymaren’s breath hitched as they approached a heavily pregnant reindeer, lying on its side in the grass away from all the others. Its furry middle rose and fell with each difficult breath. A part of her then wondered if Elsa wouldn’t appreciate it. Some people got really dizzy or nauseous while watching a live birth. Or, maybe she would think it was stupid, or gross, or-

Honeymaren sneaked a look at her. Elsa’s eyes were wide, her mouth slightly agape. She looked fascinated.

“Is she going to…?” she whispered so quietly that her voice was barely audible. 

“Yeah,” Honeymaren whispered back, proudly. “The birth itself won’t be long, but we might have to wait a little before it happens. Hopefully not too long though.”

Elsa stared at her with amazed excitement, and Honeymaren couldn’t help but note that no one  _ ever  _ had seemed this excited about witnessing this. 

“Will you need to help?” Elsa asked.

“I usually don’t need to,” she replied. “Usually, it goes pretty well. But I can if I need to.”

Sharing her work with someone who seemed to care as much as she did was literally thrilling. She had completely underestimated how good it would feel for someone to react with the proper amount of enthusiasm.

“Sometimes, though,” she added as an afterthought, “I say encouraging things for morale support purposes. Do you want to…?”

“Show me,” Elsa breathed in answer to the unspoken question.

Honeymaren smiled to herself and sank to her knees by the head of the laboring reindeer, beckoning to Elsa to follow her lead. She placed a hand on the reindeer’s snout and Elsa copied her movement.

“Come on, Naal,” she addressed the reindeer by name. “Come on you beautiful, strong girl.”

The reindeer let out a sound that was kind of like a squeak in reply.

“It’s going to be ok. You can do it.”

Honeymaren looked over at Elsa, surprised. The white-haired woman smiled at her, her pale cheeks sporting a rosy blush. She hadn’t expected her to participate. Then again, all of her expectations or worries about today had been blown out of the water in the best way possible.

Together, they went back and forth, exchanging encouragements, and stroking Naal’s fur. It was over as quickly as it began, and Honeymaren was ashamed to admit that she missed the entire thing, coming to her senses only once there was a wriggling, wet baby reindeer in the grass. She had been too busy watching Elsa.

* * *

_ Present Day _

Elsa had gone to bed. After poring over her maps, exhaustion had finally won over along with disappointment. She hadn’t found out anything that she didn’t already know, but at least her suspicions had been confirmed.

The current, legal boundaries of the Northuldra were almost precisely where the mist had gone up and down. It was good to know. But it didn’t help much. 

Elsa had finally given in, blowing out her candle and laying atop her furs in her tent. She curled up on her side and closed her eyes, ready for sleep to take her. The campfire outside flickered comfortingly, casting its image on the tent surrounding her. The wind was something wild, actually howling, battering at her tent, slamming into things-

Wait, what?

Elsa bolted upright, automatically sensing the presence. 

“Gale,” she whispered. Everything instantly fell silent and still.

Elsa crept forward on her hands and knees and opened the tent flap to find a piece of parchment that appeared to be floating in the air. Only able to use the light of the campfire outside her tent, Elsa was pretty sure that the letter was addressed to her. She reached out and gingerly plucked it out of the air. 

“Thank you,” she whispered, and felt her hair being ruffled by an affectionate, unseen force.

With a sudden gust that nearly knocked Elsa backwards, the presence vanished.

Clutching the letter in one hand, Elsa felt around with the other for a match. Finding one, she clumsily lit it, and relit her candle. Her eyes focusing, Elsa unfolded the letter and immediately recognized her sister’s handwriting. 

_ Elsa, _

_ Hope you’ve been doing well in the 12 hours since I last saw you. Just wanted to let you know that I’ve picked out your first date! Tomorrow night at 7, be at our favorite cafe. Wear something nice. And because I know you, please don’t worry. It’s going to be so great. He’s a great guy, and I think you’ll have a lot in common. I promise. *WINK* _

_ Love you lots, _

_ Anna _

Dread pooled in the pit of her stomach. She had almost managed to forget about her sister’s stupid dating idea. She kind of wished her sister really had.

Elsa sent a blast of cold air at her candle, intending only to put out the flame, but instead covering it in a thick layer of ice. She groaned and flopped back down on her furs. 

For the second night in a row, it took her hours to get to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! I hope you are enjoying! Things should pick up in the next few chapters, and I’m excited to see what you think! I just wanted to say thank you for all the lovely comments because I really appreciate each and every one of them, and it’s so great to hear your thoughts. You all are so sweet.   
> Thanks for reading! <3


	4. Not What it Seems

Elsa had worried about the date all day. She had spent the majority of her time working as hard as she could to distract herself, practically begging people to let her help them in their various areas of expertise, even if she had no idea how. Sometimes she feared she was more of a hindrance than a help. She had lived as royalty for her whole life, and was honestly rather embarrassed that the only physical labor she was adept at was making ice. And ice was only good for so much.

However, no one ever got annoyed at her. They were always willing to help and very patient when she screwed things up, which was often. Elsa had hoped that in the entire year that she had been with the Northuldra, she would have found something that really called to her. So far, she hadn’t found anything besides her powers. But she was still looking, and she wouldn’t give up until she did.

Now, the sun had nearly set and everyone sat around by their fires, cooking dinner. The fading light seemed to give everything an ominous glow, but Elsa supposed that was just her mood. She had run out of things to distract herself with, and had finally coerced herself into getting ready. She sat alone in her tent, a handheld mirror in her hand. She twisted her hair up, then she let it fall back down. Then she repeated the action, trying to decide.

Elsa wasn’t one to care about appearances. She recalled one time (the only time) when she had asked Anna how she looked. Her sister had laughed in her face. 

“Seriously?” she had said. “You’re so hot that it actually makes zero sense that you have ice powers.”

Elsa assumed that her apparent attractiveness would not work in her favor if she wanted her date tonight to end as soon as possible

As she was debating the most horrible hairstyle to wear, someone knocked lightly on her tent.

“Come in!” she called and slammed the mirror facedown on the top of her chest so hard that it shattered.

_Dammit._

The tent flap folded back and a small girl’s scared face appeared. 

Elsa softened at once, while also feeling a strange disappointment. She realized that she had hoped it was Honeymaren. She really could have used the morale support.

“What was that?” the small girl asked, her voice trembling.

Elsa gently stretched out her hands to take the girl’s hands in her own and pull her into the tent. The girl’s name was Ingrid and Elsa knew her well. She was small for her age of six, and both her parents had died of an illness when she was two. She now lived with her grandmother, and Elsa made it a habit to visit her whenever she could. There was just something about her that reminded her of herself at a younger age. Both of them had had to mature very quickly.

“I just broke a mirror,” Elsa murmured so as to put her at ease. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious. Just make sure you don’t hurt yourself on the shards.”

“Are there shards on there?” The girl pointed at Elsa’s bedding in the corner of the small tent. 

Elsa didn’t think there were, but she looked just to be sure. 

“Nope. It’s safe.”

Ingrid crawled onto the furs and situated herself cross-legged atop them. She stared up at Elsa with large brown eyes.

“What are you doing?”

There was something about kids that made them so easy to talk to, so Elsa did.

“I have a date.” She hoped she didn’t grimace as much as she wanted to.

Ingrid’s eyes lit up. “Really? With who?”

“I don’t actually know. Some guy,” Elsa admitted to her, biting her lip. 

The young girl laughed. “You can’t date someone if you don’t know who they are, silly.”

Elsa agreed wholeheartedly, but figured it was unwise to get into all of the details. 

“I need something to wear. Will you help me?” she asked instead.

Ingrid nodded silently and excitedly. 

“Great,” she said and turned to open her chest.

Elsa’s tent was small- so small in fact that she couldn’t stand up straight in it. The only things she had room for were her furs, which had been a welcome gift, and a small chest of things Elsa had taken from the castle. There weren’t many things that she had thought to bring with her when she left so all it contained was a hairbrush, her mother’s shawl, a (now-broken) mirror that Anna had given her which she claimed had magical properties and would allow them to talk face to face (it didn’t) and a few dresses.

“Can’t you make clothes?” Anna had asked as Elsa packed aforementioned dresses before leaving for the Northuldra.

It was a good question, and something Elsa had previously wondered herself. The answer was no, she could not make clothes purely on will. Having made clothes before, however, on more than one occasion, Elsa had come to the assumption that she could, only if she was experiencing a very strong emotion at the time. The details were fuzzy. And Elsa didn’t wear the dresses anyways, finding pants a far more desirable option, especially because she lived in the woods.

Honeymaren had lent her a few pairs, and Elsa wore her own cloak on top.

“Wear this one.” Ingrid had appeared directly behind Elsa and her voice was directly in her ear.

Elsa’s heart skipped in surprise, but she managed to take a few deep breaths and avoid coating the child in ice. 

Ingrid was pointing to a shimmering, low-cut, see-through white gown. It was actually one of the few clothing items that Elsa had made herself, if she had even done that. 

Elsa was shaking her head violently before Ingrid even finished speaking. 

“No, no, I couldn’t, I was thinking something more like… this one.”

Elsa pulled out a sensible, modest mauve dress that had a neckline so high that it would cover her entire neck. 

To her relief, the small girl didn’t protest. 

“It’s pretty,” she commented. “Yeah, do that one.”

Elsa smiled gratefully, and told the girl to go on the furs and face the walls while she changed.

She slipped out of her comfortable pants and cloak and was stepping into the gown when someone began knocking on the tent flaps.

“Elsaaaa! Are you in there?”

Elsa didn’t even get the chance to respond before the tent flaps flew open, and she was face to face with none other than Honeymaren. Time seemed to stop. The dark-haired woman froze, and her eyes went huge. Elsa stood, rooted to the spot and painfully aware of the fact that she was wearing nothing but her simple undergarments.

Then the moment shattered and Honeymaren stumbled backwards, her eyes now closed, and dropped the tent flaps.

“Elsa, I’m so sorry!” she yelled from outside. She sounded mortified.

“Please don’t worry about it,” Elsa called back, trying to keep her voice from going up in pitch as her heart slammed against her ribcage. “I’ll only be a moment longer!”

She hastily put on her dress and had a very confused Ingrid button her up while she piled her hair on top of her head with shaking hands, morphing her white waves into a tight, severe bun. It would have to do.

“Okay, you can come in now,” Elsa called, and Honeymaren re-entered the tent, seemingly unable to make eye contact.

“I’m really sorry, Elsa,” Honeymaren repeated. “But please don’t worry, the only thing I saw was-”

“It’s fine!” Elsa interrupted quickly. “Really, it’s fine.”

“Okay, I’m just making sure that you’re not uncomfortable or anything.” Honeymaren held up her hands in a calming gesture. 

“No,” Elsa murmured. “No…”

Elsa sneaked a look back at the girl behind her at the same time Honeymaren did. The girl’s eyes were as wide as saucers as she stared at both of them, her mouth slightly agape. 

“Hey, Ingrid,” Honeymaren said in a falsely cheerful voice. “Didn’t see you there.”

It shouldn’t have been a big deal. It wasn’t as though she had been completely naked. Elsa couldn’t explain why she was so worked up all of the sudden. All she knew was that Honeymaren was blushing, and she was fairly certain that she was too.

Hoping to dispel the tension, Elsa clapped her hands together. “Honeymaren. How can I help you?”

Her friend looked rather relieved at the change in subject. “Well! I was actually wondering if you- goodness, Elsa, what are you wearing?”

Elsa frowned. “Does it look bad?”

“No! No, not at all. You just look very…” her voice trailed off as she searched for words. “Proper.”

Elsa’s frown deepened as she looked down at herself. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Well, I would say it depends on the occasion. Where are you going?”

Elsa was struck with the sudden realization that she had completely forgotten to tell Honeymaren where she was going, and that there was definitely a part of her that, for whatever reason, didn’t want to.

“I…” 

Luckily for her, or unluckily, she didn’t have to explain.

“She’s going on a date with a boyyy!” Ingrid piped up from the corner.

For a second, Honeymaren looked as though she had been punched in the gut, but the expression was gone so quickly that Elsa almost thought she had imagined it.

“A date?” Honeymaren asked rather quietly. 

Elsa had the sudden urge to explain. “Yes, it’s actually a horrible idea that my sister came up with, and I’m not sure why, but-”

“Actually, Elsa,” Honeymaren cut her off. “I just remembered that I need to do something, and I’ve got to go.”

“Wait, where-?”

“I’ll see you around.” Honeymaren spun on her heel and ducked out.

Elsa reached out an arm- to do what, she wasn’t sure- but her friend was already gone. Her head spun with confusion, and she had the sudden urge to sit down. What had just happened?

“Maybe she has to throw up!” Ingrid offered helpfully, and for the second time that night, Elsa nearly jumped out of her skin.

She smiled fondly, despite herself, and crouched down, cupping the girl’s face in one hand and smoothing back her wild, dark hair with the other. 

“Maybe,” Elsa acknowledged the possibility. “I’ve got to go. Do you have someone that you can go to when I leave?”

Ingrid nodded. “Yes! I’m going to play with the reindeer!”

“Make sure you bring someone with you,” Elsa advised her before sending the young girl on her way, who, before exiting the tent, advised Elsa that she needed to “make out a lot” on her date.

Her stomach churning at the thought of kissing some guy, Elsa dropped the tent flap after waving goodbye and stepped backwards into the tent. 

She immediately yelped in pain. 

One of her bare feet had been impaled by a glass shard. Cursing silently, she fell backwards onto her bedding and inspected the wound. Fortunately, it didn’t seem to be very deep.

And she couldn’t feel the pain nearly as much as she felt a strange, unexplainable emptiness growing inside of her. 

* * *

“Elsa’s not coming,” Honeymaren announced and fell onto the hard-packed dirt, across the campfire from her brother.

“No?” Ryder looked up at her from the bowl of stew he was eating. “Is she busy or something?”

“She has a date,” Honeymaren said sharply and stared into the crimson flames. It was enough explanation.

“Shit.” Ryder put down his bowl. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She glared at him.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Her brother held his hands up in a gesture of surrender, his face sporting an expression far too innocent to be believable. “Besides the fact that she’s literally all you talk you about, there’s absolutely no reason for you to not be ok.”

Honeymaren sighed in defeat, and felt herself unravel. “Alright, fine. I’m not.”

Her brother nodded. “That’s what I thought.”

For a moment or two, they were silent. Campfires crackled around them, illuminating the now-almost-dark valley. The sound of conversations and children shrieking surrounded them. 

“I guess I just misread things,” Honeymaren said finally. 

Ryder frowned at her and then shook his head. “I don’t think you did, Mar.”

But she wasn’t finished. “Things _have_ been weird for _months_. I thought that she needed space to figure things out. Or that I was making her uncomfortable. I just always thought… that something would happen.”

Ryder stood up and walked around the fire until he reached Honeymaren. He sat next to her and crossed his legs. “I don’t think it’s a lost cause. I think she’s just confused. And probably afraid. Not to mention, I get the feeling that she has about as much romantic experience as I do, which is, as you know, none.”

Honeymaren hated to admit it, but that made sense. “I just wish she knew that I would help her along, and that I would protect her from anyone who made her feel afraid.”

“I’m sure she does know that,” Ryder said. “But there’s quite a difference between knowing that and actually admitting her feelings, and quite a difference between _that_ and telling the whole world by being in a relationship. I mean, probably."

“Ryder…” Honeymaren sighed and shook her head helplessly. “I can’t even go there right now. This is all incredibly hypothetical. I mean, she’s going on an actual date with a man tonight. I didn’t even know that she knew a man that she wanted to date.”

Ryder shrugged dismissively. “It’s only a date.”

“You’ve never even _been_ on a date,” Honeymaren stared up at him, unamused.

He nudged her playfully. “We’re not talking about me. Anyways, I don’t think you should give up on her. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. I’ve got this feeling.”

“I had a feeling, too,” Honeymaren pointed out, darkly. “And look where that got me.”

“How much is she worth to you? If you want her, you need to fight for her. _Show_ her what she doesn’t know she wants.”

“I would fight for her,” Honeymaren murmured, more to herself than her brother. “I just don’t want to push myself on her if it’s not what she wants. Because I have no idea what she wants.”

“I’m not entirely sure she does either,” her brother looked into the fire. “I understand not wanting to cross boundaries, but I think Elsa can take care of herself. You might, need to, I don’t know, help her along.”

Ryder raised his eyebrows up and down suggestively, and Honeymaren swatted at him.

“Never do that again,” she ordered him, secretly amused. 

Ryder chuckled. “Well, whatever you do, don’t give up. I’ve never seen you this distraught, other than that night when-”

“I remember,” she interjected. “No need to bring it up.”

Ryder sighed, and corrected himself. “All I’m saying is that I’ve never seen you care this much about someone, and I don’t want you to lose it.”

 _I can’t lose her if she was never mine,_ Honeymaren thought, but didn’t say aloud. 

But Ryder was right. Elsa had indeed turned her entire world upside down, and Honeymaren felt shaken on the solid base she had built for herself. Whenever she was with the white-haired woman, she knew that her heart beat erratically and she was often short of breath. She had never felt less sure of herself though she was, however, sure that she had never felt this way before. It was just too bad that, given tonight, Elsa would probably never feel the same no matter how optimistic her brother was.

“We don’t need to talk about it anymore,” she told Ryder, a note of finality in her tone. 

His eyebrows knit together in concern, but he didn’t press it.

She yawned, and leaned against her brother’s solid, broad chest, and his arms came instinctively around her. It had been awhile since they had sat like that, as they usually only did when something particularly bad had happened, but it felt just as natural as always. Ryder was the only person who she knew would have her back no matter what. He never batted an eye at any of the things that she told him, and was incredibly supportive. She hated that sometimes she took him for granted.

A spark of light caught her eye and she looked up. Somewhere on the top of the hill some distance away from her, she saw the glowing white form of a spirit horse. And then, for a brief second, she could make out the outline of a tall woman in a form-fitting dress, illuminated by the light of her spirit companion. She could’ve sworn she felt her heart crack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this goes without saying, but I really wish Honeymaren had more screentime for a multitude of reasons.  
> Thanks for reading, y'all :)


	5. The Date

“Is that the queen?”

“Is that _Elsa_?”

“What is _she_ doing here?”

Elsa couldn’t actually here the whispers of the people on the street, but she knew that they were saying _something._ There was a reason that she didn’t like coming to Arendelle when people were around. First, there was the whole matter of her being the people’s former queen which was awkward in itself, and then there was the matter of her having abdicated the throne, which made it worse. Not to mention, regardless of the fact that Elsa had literally saved Arendelle from being obliterated, a lot of people were still terrified of her. 

Often times, people were polite. They would smile at her or wave if anything, even though once she had passed, they turned to whisper to each other behind their hands. But sometimes, they would stop in the middle of the street and bow to her which was both terribly embarrassing, and an incorrect response, given as she was no longer their queen or royal. And sometimes people would see her and walk quickly, if not actually run, away in the opposite direction. 

One time, Elsa had been out with Kristoff to pick out a birthday present for Anna. Upon observing people’s ridiculous reactions to her, Kristoff stood in the middle of the street and loudly announced to everyone (there had been many people out and about that day) that “IF SHE WANTED TO KILL YOU, YOU’D ALREADY BE DEAD.”

He must’ve thought that he was being gallant or something. Elsa had to inform him that he had in fact, made things much worse, _but_ she had appreciated the effort. Which she did. Despite that gratefulness, she had never gone shopping with him again. 

Elsa hoped that whatever man she was meeting tonight would not act like his fellow Arendelle citizens. Though, as she thought about it more deeply, she realized that her date fearing her might not be such a bad thing.

Finally reaching the cafe, Elsa eagerly slipped into the dim space, the bell tinkling above her. She was rather relieved to leave the bustling, lamp-lit cobblestone streets, though entering the cafe gave her a wave of anxiety. 

Nina’s was an extremely underrated cafe that had, despite its poor lighting and cramped seating, the most amazing tea and food in all of Arendelle… or so Anna and Elsa believed. And because it was so underrated, there was hardly ever anyone there, which Elsa secretly appreciated and Anna said was unfair. 

As the door closed behind her, Elsa realized that she didn’t know who she was looking for. A quick scan revealed a mother and her daughter, an old man behind a newspaper, and a young couple.

“Elsa!” 

Everyone looked up, Elsa included. It was Nina, the tiny old woman to whom the cafe belonged. 

The small woman emerged from behind the counter, wearing an apron, her hair in a frizzy, white bun.

Elsa allowed Nina to pull her into a tight hug.

“Elsa, darling, look at you! It’s been too long! I haven’t seen you in ages! You need to come visit me more, understand?” She shook her finger sternly.

Elsa felt a spark of guilt. She hadn’t been to the cafe in months. Then again, everything was different now. 

“I will,” Elsa promised. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, now don’t be sorry, dear,” Nina shook her head. “Just come back now and again!”

Elsa once again assured her that she would, and then trailed off nervously, hoping to convey her unspoken question. Nina’s eyes lit up in understanding.

“There’s a man waiting for you back there,” Nina informed her, her voice hushed. “Said he was here for you. He already ordered a lot, and said that both of you would share. Is he…?"

Nina wiggled her eyebrows, a wild look in her eyes.

“Um,” Elsa cleared her throat. “No.”

“Oh, young love is so precious! You know, Elsa, we all thought that you would never get there. But I always told them, she’ll come around. And look, I was right!” she winked and squeezed Elsa’s arm. “Now, go get your man!”

Elsa was rather stunned into silence. First of all, who on earth was “we”, and second of all, what was with everyone thinking that being single was somehow _bad_? But she pushed it down inside her, and left with a close-lipped smile. Now that it had been pointed out to her, she noticed a man in the far corner with his back to her that she hadn’t seen upon entering. Figuring that he must be the person Anna hoped to set her up with, she took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.

_Whenever I’m stressed or nervous about something, I like to remind myself that most of the things we tend to worry about are trivial compared to the things that actually matter. If you can remember what is important to you and keep that in mind, you won’t be as focused on all those minor things that cause you distress._

Elsa was startled at the recollection. She had almost forgotten about it, but now the memories came rushing back to her there where she stood. She had just come back from another uncomfortable visit to Arendelle and had confessed to Honeymaren how ill at ease she was feeling, walking through the streets she had once ruled and seeing people’s reactions to her. Her friend had given her the bit of advice, and as the memory came back into focus, Elsa remembered the way her eyes had glowed in the light of the stars as she was speaking. The memory filled her with warmth.

 _Most of the things we worry about are trivial,_ Elsa repeated to herself. This _is trivial._

Just thinking it made her feel better, and she walked up to the mystery man in the corner, trying to exude more confidence than she was feeling.

As he heard her arrive, he turned and stood up, and made a rather large display of bowing, which made Elsa immediately dislike him. It wasn’t like it was fair or even deserved. It was just automatic. 

“You must be Elsa,” the man said. “It’s an honor to meet you.

He had brown hair, dark eyes, was dressed extravagantly well, and wore an expression of annoying pompousness. 

“I am,” she replied, trying to sound pleasant and good-willed. 

He held out his hand to hers and when she took it, he bent down and kissed it. Elsa swallowed her disgust. She and Anna had used to make fun of people who did that.

“Who are you?” she asked to distract herself, then abruptly cursed herself for making the question sound like a threat. 

He released her hand. “Oh, how utterly clumsy of me! I’ve forgotten to introduce myself.”

And he bowed _again_ and launched into an introduction of himself so complex and boring that all Elsa was able to gather from it was that he was called Henrik, he had inherited a large estate from his late father, and was apparently a scholar, or something along those lines. She also gathered that he was incredibly conceited, and arrogance radiated from him in waves.

Elsa was most curious as to where in hell her younger sister had found him, but figured it would be a good conversation for later, as it was going to be a long night, and she was already convinced that they had nothing in common. 

“Do sit down,” Henrik urged her, and pulled back her chair for her, gesturing expansively at the seat. “I’ve ordered quite a bit of food, and while not much of it is to my liking, your sister, Her Highness, has informed me that you quite enjoy it here.”

Her head whirling, Elsa gingerly sat down on the edge of her seat. Henrik reached for her napkin, as if intending to place it in her lap for her, but she quickly grabbed it before he could, and managed a weak smile.

“I’ve got it, thank you,” she informed him.

He nodded. “Of course.”

He was certainly polite- she’d give him that. 

Henrik reached his side of the table and sat down, immediately leaning forward so that he was completely up against the table. Elsa was already rummaging through conversation starters in her mind, but luckily, she didn’t need them.

“When did you start coming here? Your sister mentioned that the two of you come here quite often.” Henrik leaned forward, and his eyes twinkled as if he was sharing a secret. “I hope I’m not intruding upon any memories the two of you share with this place.”

Elsa hid a cough. “No, of course not. After particular events about four years ago, my sister and I were determined to mend the rift that had grown between us in our childhood,and we started coming here so as to spend more time together.”

Henrik placed a hand over his heart, as if the story had touched him in some way. “Isn’t that sweet?”

She knew that it was strange, but telling him anything about her, even harmless things, made her feel gross inside. In fact, everything felt gross. Her head hurt, and she was beginning to feel nauseous. She wondered if something was wrong with her. How hard was it to talk with some strange guy for a couple hours? People, after all, did things like this all the time. But she was feeling sick after only a couple minutes.

“I suppose it is,” Elsa responded, unable to keep a slight edge out of her tone. Admittedly, she was quite uncomfortable. She didn’t know what to do. Should she eat, ask questions, or wait for him to speak? A mixture? She folded her hands tightly in her lap and managed to look anywhere but at the man before her. 

“You’re probably wondering how I met you sister?” Henrik prompted with a dazzling grin, or what was supposed to be one.

“I was, actually,” Elsa said, trying to keep her voice calm.

Now she was wondering- what if he tried to kiss her? Wasn’t that what people did on dates? Would he lean across the table? She tried to remember if she knew self-defense. 

_Stupid,_ she told herself. _You have ice powers._

Elsa looked down at the first dish before her, which was some sort of bread slices. The thought of eating made her nauseous, but she picked up a piece of bread anyway and began tearing it into miniscule pieces. 

“So you see,” Henrik began, “I was out walking one day when I stumbled upon her- a beautiful woman, I might add-”

Elsa nearly choked- a quite impressive feat considering that she had nothing to choke on except the air she was breathing.

“-and she just looks at me and says, ‘Are you single?’”

Elsa really did choke to which her date responded ‘Goodness me, darling, do have a sip of this!’ and pushed a goblet of some mysterious liquid at her. She accepted the glass but managed to recover on her own, not wanting to eat or drink anything that he gave her.

“And I said, ‘why yes ma’am, I am indeed!’ because who would’ve said no to her?”

Elsa sucked in a breath and tore her bread piece so violently that crumbs shot across the table spraying both her and Henrik.

“Sorry!” she exclaimed, and Henrik looked at her strangely, slightly annoyed. He didn’t seem like the type to take kindly to being interrupted. 

“I meant because she was queen,” Henrik added.

Elsa found it interesting that he was clarifying when she hadn’t asked him to, proving her little theory that he hadn’t meant it that way at all. Steeling herself, she waited for him to continue, and wondered to herself how many times she could use the bathroom without him suspecting something.

“So anyway, she told me all about you, and my goodness, I have been looking forward to meeting you all this time!”

He smiled at her sappily and waited for her to react. How she was supposed to react, she wasn’t sure. Was she supposed to burst into exuberant praise, claim that she felt the same? She settled for half-hearted smile, and that seemed to suffice.

“Besides,” Henrik added. “After seeing how beautiful your sister was, I had very high hopes for you.”

“My _sister_ is _married,_ ” Elsa seethed in disgust, setting the bread remains down on the ceramic plate so hard that the plate clattered against the wood of the table.

Henrik gasped. “Oh, no no no! That is not at all what I meant, darling. You must understand that no beauty on earth could hold a torch to your own!”

Elsa just stared, trying to comprehend how that related even remotely to what she had just said. “What?”

“You’re beautiful,” Henrik repeated, unabashedly, his tone deeper than before.

His tone of voice, mixed with the way he was now staring at her made Elsa cross her arms and avoid eye contact. Her breath was coming in short bursts now. _Too soon, too soon, too soon._ Thankfully, Henrik seemed to sense her discomfort and he backed off, attempting a new, lighter approach.

“I heard you live with the- wait, hold on, I’ve got this- the Northelder! Am I correct?”

Elsa stiffened despite the change in subject. She was already feeling particularly cold towards him, and he was not helping his case. 

“Northuldra,” she corrected flatly.

“Ah, I was so close!” Henrik laughed gaily as if it was some sort of guessing game. “Now, I must admit, I find them utterly fascinating. Tell me, do they eat meat, or have any religious practices? You must tell me everything!”

The temperature in the room was dropping dramatically, and Elsa noticed the few other people in the cafe huddling in their cloaks and shivering. She felt her power roiling beneath her skin. They were venturing into dangerous territory- she could feel it. But she didn’t know how to stop it. 

_Control,_ she told herself. _Control yourself._

“They do eat meat, and much of their practices revolve around the fact that things found in nature possess souls,” she said stiffly, and felt the need to add, “Quite frankly, they actually have a deep respect for the natural world around them, and I find them to be incredibly connected, pure of heart, and the most hard-working people I’ve ever met.”

It was as though she hadn’t even bothered to add the last part. 

“Fascinating indeed!” Henrik said again, and Elsa felt herself tense up even more. By this point, people’s breath were coming in visible clouds, but her date didn’t seem to notice. He leaned in closer again, as if they were about to share another private joke. It was excruciating. Elsa was so far past the point of laughter that it was surprising she wasn’t freezing holes into Henrik with her eyes. 

“Now tell me, Elsa,” he grinned. “What is it like to go from a royal living in luxury to living with savages who worship rocks in the woods?”

Something snapped in her. She rose almost mechanically, her rage tangible. Her arm raised automatically, palm facing upward. She clenched her teeth and curled her fingers towards herself. The result was instant and explosive. Elsa’s power shot out of her, covering the horrible man before her in a layer nearly a meter thick of ice. It was over just as quickly. Elsa instinctively released a huge breath and the cafe returned to its original temperature. 

Someone audibly gasped. Everything else was deathly silent and still. Elsa turned her gaze from her imprisoned date, his face stuck in an expression of horror, to the six other people in the cafe. Their expressions were not much different.

Elsa expected a rush of guilt to fill her after what she had done, but there was only a cool sense of satisfaction, mixed with swaths of rage. The latter of which prompted her to lean down, drawing a single, long finger, down the ice sculpture of Henrik.

“If you ever insult my people again, I will find you. And you will not like what will happen to you,” she murmured, her voice a deadly caress. “Because it will be _so_ much worse than this.” 

She then cleared her throat, stood up straight, her shoulders thrown back, and addressed the cafe as a whole. “He’ll thaw. Eventually.”

And without another word, she walked out, her head held high. No one dared move to stop her.

* * *

Anna sat in her office alone, a stack of paper before her. Her face was slumped in her hand as she stared at the fine print before her, blinking hard to keep herself awake. Liquid moonlight poured in through the tall window behind her creating long shadows that Anna swore moved when she wasn’t looking. The only thing keeping her going was the knowledge that her sister was out probably having a great time with Henrik.

The queen would admit, she did find him rather annoying. _She_ certainly wouldn’t have dated him, but Elsa was a lot different from her, and she had the feeling that he’d be just her type. She hated having to base her sister’s date on a gut feeling, but if she was honest, she really knew nothing about what “Elsa’s type” entailed. It was rather shameful that she wouldn’t even know that about her own sister, but she didn’t have anything to base it on. Elsa had never shown any interest in any sort of guy. Hell, it had taken her ages to warm up to Kristoff. 

All she could do was to hope that everything went well. Maybe Elsa would even thank her. Smiling at the thought, she turned back to her paperwork and tried again to read. She didn’t get very far.

With a loud crash, the door flew open with a gust of icy wind. Ice. Elsa. Elsa?

Anna looked up, startled to see her sister standing in the doorway, her arm outstretched in the direction she had blasted open Anna’s poor door. She had never feared her sister, but she did make quite a terrifying sight in her long, dark gown, with tendrils of white hair floating around her face having escaped her rigid bun, and an expression of rage on her normally serene features. 

“Elsa?” Anna gaped. “Are you okay?”

She already knew the answer to that. Elsa’s date had started only half an hour ago. Not to mention, Anna always knew to expect the worst when her sister stopped opening doors the normal way. 

Her sister didn’t answer and walked into the room. Elsa stopped once she had approached her sister and took a very large deep breath, sighed long and hard, and fell rather ungracefully into the chair across from Anna. Anna could feel icy air radiating from her. Another bad sign.

“Your instincts are terrible,” Elsa said wearily, as if her anger had left her drained.

Anna went pale and dread filled her. “No… what did he do to you? What did he do to you that I can tell Kristoff to do to him a hundred-fold? I mean, I would, but I’m queen and that’s frowned upon. But I will if you so desire it!”

She meant it. She would _kill_ him if he hurt her, consequences be damned.

“I already handled it,” Elsa said, and Anna observed the corners of her mouth twitching upwards, even though her eyes were cold and hard.

She was all for delivering justice, but suddenly she began to feel slightly nervous. What did her sister do? What had Henrik done to _her_? She asked the questions aloud in a tiny voice.

“He’s currently imprisoned in a block of ice if that tells you anything,” Elsa responded airily. 

“Okay…” Anna said, secretly rather relieved that she hadn’t done worse. “Okay.”

It still was rather surprising. She’d known Elsa to get mad before, but she’d also known her sister to be absolutely disgusted at the thought of harming others. She would support Elsa no matter what, no matter how much paperwork she would need to fill out. But something was different. Anna could see it in her sharp edge of her cruel smile, and hear it in hard tone of her voice.

“Tell me what he did,” she begged, sure the suspense would kill her. 

Elsa began at the beginning and explained every terrible part of her twenty minute date from when he had kissed her hand to when he had spoken about Anna in a creepily inappropriate way to the part that had finally made her snap.

“He insulted my people,” Elsa informed her, and her eyes went colder and harder. “He called them savages.”

Anna was struck by the sudden realization that she didn’t think she had ever heard her sister refer to the Northuldra as her people, but her instant horror put the thought aside.

“He didn’t...” Anna gasped. “I’m so sorry, Elsa. Apparently, my instincts aren’t as good as I thought and I’m really, really, really sorry. He seemed polite, and charming, and smart, and...”

“On the outside, one can definitely be all of those things. But when you’re on a _date_ with with a person like that, you tend to start noticing what’s on the inside, too.” Elsa fixed her sister with a hard stare, and Anna felt herself wilt.

She felt _so_ bad. Her sister’s first date had gone terribly, and it was all her fault. She’d messed everything up, set her up with an asshole, probably traumatized her sister, causing her to act in a way she never had before, and indirectly played a role in freezing a guy into a block of ice, even if the bigot had deserved it.

She buried her face in her hands to hide her burning eyes.

“Oh, Anna,” her sister murmured, softening immediately. Gently, Elsa attempted to pry Anna’s hands away from her face. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”

“NO.” 

Anna wrenched herself away and stood up, her hands balled into fists. “Don’t you _dare_ try to comfort _me._ It is entirely my fault. _I_ did this. _I_ screwed up your first date. _I_ made _you_ sad and it’s NOT OK.”

Her sister stared at her, startled. “I don’t care that it didn’t go well, Anna. I wasn’t expecting it to go well.”

Anna felt as though she had been stabbed. “Was it because of me? You didn’t think that I could find someone good enough for you?”

“ _What?_ Anna, no, you’re misunderstanding my point! That’s not at all what I meant!”

Elsa stood up too, holding out her hands in what seemed like an attempt to calm her down. Anna could tell she wanted to walk to the other side of the desk to where she stood, but she didn’t.

“Then what did you mean?”

Elsa eyes moved rapidly around the room, not settling on anything, seemingly trying to find a response. 

“I…” she trailed off, helplessly.

“That’s what I thought,” Anna said quietly.

Elsa’s face fell, and she looked positively destroyed.

Anna barely noticed. Her sister hadn’t thought she was good enough. How could she trust her as queen if she didn’t trust her to even pick out a few dates? How did anyone trust her with anything? Was she so incompetent that she couldn’t be trusted with the smallest of tasks? She now understood why Elsa had wanted to “help” her with the reindeer incident. It was because her sister didn’t think that she could do it herself. 

Anna felt the tides of helplessness rushing through her as they often did these days, but this time, paired with the rage that had filled her on behalf of her elder sister, she knew she couldn’t let it win. Not today. 

“Elsa,” she began, and though her voice shook, she continued. “I know I’ve messed up. But you need to give me a second chance. I can do better this time, and I will. I had no idea Henrik was a complete dick- and just you WAIT for me to get my hands on him- But I need you to understand that there is someone out there for you. And I will find them. And I promise that everything will be ok.”

Elsa’s hands were shaking at her sides and she looked a wreck. 

“Anna…” she whispered miserably.

Anna hated herself for being the cause of her sister’s distress. Quite frankly, she wasn’t sure she even deserved to be trusted, especially when she had screwed this up so bad. But she knew what she needed to do, and she knew that if she put her mind to it, she could. She could do anything for Elsa.

“No. Don’t worry. I promise, I will make this better,” Anna told her sister. “Promise.”

And she could feel that promise, that _urge,_ in her very core. It filled her. It consumed her. She would fix everything. She would prove herself to Elsa. And in doing so, she would prove herself… to herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! This will be a longer one, so bear with me. First off, I would like to say that if I am delivering any false information, particularly pertaining to the Northuldra (though it could be about anything), it’s okay to correct me. I’m not an expert, nor do I claim to be, and I only know as far as research can get me. Though I do pride myself in creativity and occasionally straying from canon, I understand the importance of correct portrayal of cultures, and do not wish harm upon anyone. I also understand that the Northuldra are a fictional group of people but that they are modeled after the Sami, which are real indigenous peoples. I have based some of the information in this fanfiction upon research I have done on the Sami people (NOT anything that Henrik said).  
> Secondly, I unfortunately will be leaving in a couple days and will not be back until next Monday and will be unable to update (or write very much) during that period of time, and probably for a couple of days after I get back. The good thing is that a bit of time passes between this sequence of chapters and the next, so hopefully the break will feel more natural. An even better thing is that during the holiday season, I should be able to update more frequently, but don’t quote me on that. I promise that the next sequence has much more Elsamaren, too, and I’m very excited for you all to see what’s to come.  
> Thirdly, (I am almost done, don’t worry!!!) I have absolutely been blown away by the overwhelmingly positive responses this fanfic has received, and I have been amazed by all the wonderful comments. Seriously, y’all are awesome. Thank you so so much for being so supportive, kind, and for being lovely people in general. I’ll miss you all, and should be back in a week.  
> Thanks for reading <3


	6. Being Hunted

_Nine Months Earlier_

“Elsa? Are you awake? I’m coming in.”

Elsa was hardly awake. She had woken up only minutes before and still laid wrapped in her furs, admiring the way beams from the morning sunrise shone through the ice-filled cracks of her wooden tent. 

“Alright,” she called back and sat up hurriedly, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and rapidly finger-combing her hair.

She wasn’t at all surprised to see Honeymaren slipping into the cloth opening of the tent. Since the pretty Northuldran woman had taken her to see the reindeer birth nearly a month ago, the two of them had been together whenever they had gotten the chance. Elsa was still trying to understand everything about her new home, and Honeymaren had been her most valuable asset in doing so. 

While the other Northuldran people were perfectly adept in showing her around, Elsa secretly preferred the assistance of Honeymaren, who spoke about everything with a passion that was incredibly infectious, and she had a story for nearly everything.

“Here’s the tree where Ryder and I made a rope swing. One day it snapped and Ryder cut his head open on a rock,” she would say, gesturing expansively and smiling brightly.

Or- “This is the very spot where I started my cycle for the first time!”

Sometimes Ryder would come along on their usually-daily excursions and add his own tales to the mix. Most of the time, Honeymaren and Ryder had very different versions to tell of the same story, and Elsa wasn’t able to tell which of them was telling the truth. They both assured her that they were right and were adamant in doing so. Nonetheless, she now could tell one of Honeymaren and Ryder’s childhood stories for each landmark in the camp. Not to mention, she now had preconceived notions about almost everyone in the Northuldra, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

All things aside, she loved hanging out with Honeymaren. She found herself laughing more easily, opening up more than she felt she ever had, and feeling generally happy even just thinking of the dark-haired woman.

“Good morning,” Honeymaren said now, smirking. “Sleep well?”

Attempting to smooth down her wild mess of blonde (one thing her sister and her had in common- terrible bed-head), Elsa gave a small smile.

“I _was,_ ” she remarked teasingly, “until somebody woke me up.”

Joking aside, Elsa had slept quite well. She always seemed to sleep well since she had started living with the Northuldra. Even though sleeping in furs on the ground was nowhere near similar to sleeping in the large castle beds she had grown up with, there was something comforting about falling asleep to the sounds of crackling campfires underneath a large expanse of sky. Elsa always found herself feeling better-rested after sleeping in her tent as opposed to sleeping in her old, drafty room in the castle. 

Honeymaren only smiled bigger and waved a hand, as if dismissing the comment. “I think you’ll find this a worthy reason to get out of bed.”

“Find what- ?” Elsa began and trailed off, suddenly noticing the large, wriggling bulge in Honeymaren’s clothes that the woman had her arms securely fastened around.

“Close your eyes,” Honeymaren commanded softly, her eyes gleaming brilliantly. 

Elsa found herself obeying. As much as she hated surprises, there was a part of her deep down that trusted that Honeymaren wouldn’t do anything to scare her, hurt her, or make her uncomfortable. It made making herself vulnerable to Honeymaren much easier than she thought it would be.

Eyes closed, she could still sense as Honeymaren approached her. She could feel the warmth radiating from the woman and her skin tingled in apprehension. She seemed unable to move.

“Hold out your arms,” Honeymaren murmured, her voice by Elsa’s ear. 

Elsa did so, and with the sound of rustling fabric from Honeymaren, she felt a warm, furry solid mass being placed into her arms. Her arms tightened around it instinctively, but she still felt the pair of warm, gentle hands on her bare arms, helping her adjust her hold accordingly. 

“Can I open my eyes yet?” Elsa asked. Whatever was in her arms was sniffing her, its hot breath on her neck. 

“One moment,” Honeymaren replied. 

Everything seemed to fall still, even with the noises from outside the tent of people waking up and cooking breakfast. The furry thing was still wriggling around joyfully, but Elsa barely felt it. What she did feel was the gentle brush of fingertips along her temple, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. It only lasted a moment, but Elsa felt tingles throughout her entire body. Her breath caught in her throat. 

“Okay, open.”

Elsa wasn’t sure if she was imagining it or not, but Honeymaren’s usually smooth and steady voice seemed a little shaky. Loosing the deep breath inside of her, Elsa opened her eyes and looked down. Excitement and awe filled her at the sight, replacing her nervousness at once.

It was a reindeer. A very small baby reindeer was nestled in her arms, its big brown eyes staring up at her with innocence and curiosity. Little puffs of cold air came from its little snout with every exhale. Elsa felt her heart melt.

“Isn’t she sweet?” Honeymaren asked, her voice back to its normal steadiness as if nothing had ever happened. “She’s the same one we watched be birthed.”

The memory came back at once, of that day in the field three months ago where they had watched the pregnant reindeer give birth- the second time they had officially spent one on one time together. Elsa remembered the day fondly, both because of the joy she felt being with Honeymaren and the excitement of seeing a new being brought into the world.

“She’s so big now,” Elsa cooed, rocking the baby reindeer in her arms. It nuzzled her happily.

Honeymaren fell from her crouched position and crossed her legs next to Elsa on the bedding. She scratched the reindeer’s head. “Isn’t she? I can already tell that she’s going to be really strong one day.”

Elsa looked into the reindeer’s large, fathomless eyes, contemplating. She found it hard to imagine the baby reindeer growing up and hauling sleds like the other reindeer did. But, she supposed, no one really seemed capable until the moment they proved that they were.

“I had been wanting to check up on her to see how she was doing,” Elsa exclaimed. 

In all truth, she had been so busy that she had forgotten to do so. She remembered asking Honeymaren a couple times about the baby reindeer they had watched being brought into the world, but she realized guiltily that she hadn’t made any sort of effort to check up on the reindeer at all.

Honeymaren didn’t seem remotely bothered by it, and instead smiled mischievously, leaning against Elsa so that their arms were touching. Elsa wondered if she had intended to do that, but the other woman didn’t seem to take notice, even though Elsa’s arm was tingling where it touched Honeymaren’s.

“That was kind of my fault,” Honeymaren admitted, and gazed sideways at Elsa under her long eyelashes. 

“What do you mean?” Elsa set the baby reindeer down beside them. It promptly walked in a circle, and laid down between their legs, curling into a little ball and closing its eyes.

“I actually wanted to give her to you,” Honeymaren said softly, her eyes fixed on the reindeer. “As a sort of surprise welcome gift. I mean, I completely understand if you don’t-”

“No,” Elsa cut her off firmly. She was deeply touched. “I love her. She’s perfect.”

Honeymaren seemed to glow, and she turned, fully smiling at Elsa. Elsa felt something deep in the pit of her belly as she did so, and managed a weak, overwhelmed grin in return. 

“You need to name her, then,” Honeymaren ordered suddenly, her eyes once again sparkling with mirth. “So what’ll it be?”

“Put me on the spot, why don’t you?” Elsa smiled jokingly.

“You’ve got this,” Honeymaren assured her. “C’mon, go with your gut instinct. First name you think of.”

“I…”

“First name! Now!”

_Honeymaren._

“Ryder!” Elsa blurted the second thing the came to her mind. She slapped a hand over her mouth, internally cursing herself. “Oh my goodness, no, I take it back.”

Honeymaren burst into peals of laughter, and leaned into Elsa’s shoulder as if she was unable to hold herself up any longer.

“No!” she gasped between giggles. “No take-backs. Her name is Ryder, and you have to tell my brother.”

Elsa tried to ignore her shortness of breath as she held up the woman beside her. Honeymaren was so _warm_ against her side and she smelled amazing, and ohmygoodness, what was she doing?

“Are you okay?” Honeymaren asked, sitting up rapidly, noticing Elsa’s sudden silence.

“Oh, yes, of course,” Elsa assured her, trying to brush it off. “Just…”

“One of your mind-wanderings?” Honeymaren suggested with a little shrug and a half-smile.

“Something like that,” Elsa answered, rather relieved.

Sometimes in conversations, Elsa tended to drift off in some thought or another, completely forgetting what was happening or where she was, locked in some far off memory. She did it so often that Honeymaren had dubbed the occurrence a “mind-wandering”. Elsa could tell that Honeymaren wanted to ask what she was thinking when this happened, but she never did. She knew that her friend would listen if she wanted to talk, but she would never force her to and she never got upset about it. 

Even though this wasn’t one her normal thought drifts at all, Elsa was relieved to have an excuse. 

“Well, Ryder it is,” she now said, hoping to clear the awkwardness in the air. “Ryder the Second.”

Honeymaren nudged Elsa gently, as if aware of her efforts. “Poor Ryder.”

“Which one?” Elsa couldn’t help but ask. This was going to get confusing quickly.

“That one,” laughed Honeymaren and pointed at the sleeping reindeer between them. And once again, she leaned into Elsa and together, they both watched Ryder II in a comfortable silence as the sun rose, covering the three of them in rainbow-colored, sparkling rays.

* * *

_Present Day_

For an instant after she awoke, she remembered nothing. It was just another normal day, another normal morning. Her peace of mind, however, lasted only for that instant, and in the next, the entirety of last night’s events came rushing back to her in a whirlwind of vivid memories and horrible feelings.

She audibly let out a low groan. She couldn’t believe it had actually happened. That she had frozen her date to a chair. Remembering the rage coursing through her the night before her seemed unreal, as it had all since been drained from her and replaced with a nauseating dread. It was implausible to think that she had acted in such a way. It was as though she had been possessed by a cruel, cunning version of herself, and oh _goodness_ what was she going to do now?

 _You don’t need an excuse for your actions,_ she tried to tell herself as she buried her face in her furs. _You had a reason for doing what you did, even if no one knows what it is._

From a technical standpoint, she did know why she acted as she had. It didn’t mean it she’d had a good motive, but she was able to understand her anger from the night before, and she supposed that had to count for something. 

She wondered what would happen to him. It wasn’t as though she really cared about his wellbeing, but the incident would result in a whole lot of paperwork for Anna. She pictured Nina fretfully trying to saw Henrik out of his icy prison. He would have major frostbite at worst, she tried to convince herself. He would live.

_But that still doesn’t make it okay._

Elsa bit her lip. What had she done? She had never used her powers to harm another. It was against everything she had ever stood for and against what she had worked for her entire life. Again, her mind replayed the event in her head. She remembered how it felt when her fingers curled, and when her power exploded out of her.

The worst part? It had felt _good._ And that was what shamed her most of all.

She wished she could talk to Anna about it. 

The thought of her sister brought even more regret upon her, as she remembered the previous night’s confusing conversation. She remembered the glint of steel in Anna’s eyes. She remembered her sister exuding a passion that frightened her. Passion that hid a deep, overwhelming despair that Elsa was certain she hadn’t imagined. So much had happened. So much had gone wrong in the span of only a few hours. 

And she couldn’t help but feel it was all her fault.

Elsa turned on her side, tucking her legs into her chest and trying to become as small as she felt. She wanted nothing more than to sleep for the entire day, fake illness, and hide from her problems, but there was a low buzz of conversation outside of her tent that made it impossible for her to sink back into blissful oblivion. 

What _were_ they talking about so early in the morning after all?

In a moment of distraction, Elsa tried to catch a few words to hear what all the fuss was about, pressing her ear to the crack in the wooden slats of her tent. 

She couldn’t make out much besides a few words that sounded as though they were coming from Yelena herself. 

Something about… hunters. 

“...near the sea path… late last night, waiting…”

Elsa’s heart skipped, and she pressed her ear harder to the slats. What were the odds? She would normally think nothing of it, but once again, there were hunters in their territory in the same place that she…

She closed her eyes, straining to hear more, but Yelena was already out of earshot. Her heart pumping wildly, she forced herself out of bed, tied back her hair, and threw a cloak around her shoulders. She had to find Honeymaren. 

_Calm down,_ she told herself as she exited her tent. _You don’t know what happened. You don’t know that they were here for you._

To her relief, the small gatherings of people muttering together paid her no second glance as she bounded over campfires smothered with ash and ducked under clothes-lines. By the time she made it to Honeymaren’s tent, she was out of breath and slightly lightheaded. 

As she reached to knock on the wooden door of her friend’s tent, someone cleared her throat loudly behind her.

Elsa whirled, still gasping for air. It was Honeymaren, her dark hair unbound and messy from sleep with her hands on her hips. Despite the dark circles under her eyes, she wore her signature fierce expression and Elsa couldn’t describe how glad she was to see her. Honeymaren seemed quite glad to see her too, if Elsa was being honest. The minute Honeymaren's eyes fell on her, some of the tension seemed to fall out of her shoulders, and there was a relieved look in her eye.

“Have you heard?” Honeymaren demanded, and stepped closer. Elsa found herself incapable of looking away from her dark stare. "Did you see them?"

“I didn't see anyone,” Elsa answered, and crossed her arms nervously. It was the truth. After her long detour to the palace after her disaster of a date, Elsa had rode Nokk home and succumbed to her exhaustion immediately. She hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary, and told Honeymaren as much. “But I also came back a lot later than I was planning to. Do you think…?”

She let the unspoken question hang in the air. Honeymaren shook her head at her, warning her not to finish before taking her by the arm and dragging her to a copse of trees just outside the campsite.

“The first thing I need you to do is calm down,” Honeymaren told her, sternly yet gently once they were out of earshot. 

She placed a hand on Elsa’s shoulder, squeezing slightly, almost as if she knew how the pressure helped.

“I am calm,” Elsa protested. “I told you, I’m not afraid-”

“Elsa.” Honeymaren raised a single eyebrow and stared up at her, completely unamused.

Elsa stared back and gave in, allowing herself to take in a few deep breaths that she desperately needed. Her shoulders loosened, and she let out a sigh of defeat.

“Good,” Honeymaren said softly, almost to herself, and let her hand fall. Elsa realized that her friend was just as upset, if not more so, than she was, even if she had a different way of showing it.

“What’s going on?” Elsa asked her, already sure she knew the answer.

Honeymaren looked around, making sure they were alone before opening her mouth. 

“One of our hunting parties found men stationed near the sea path last night, about the same time that you were gone. They scattered before we could confront them, and even though I was told they looked like hunters, they were just waiting. Hiding, and waiting. Of course, no one understands why hunters from Arendelle would be so far up in our territory when there’s plenty to hunt west of here.”

“But they weren’t hunting,” Elsa continued quietly. “They were waiting. For me.”

Honeymaren’s silence was confirmation enough. A light breeze rattled the remaining dead leaves on the trees.

“Did anyone know?” asked Honeymaren. “About your date? They must have known that you would be out at that time, and the usual path you take to get back here.”

Elsa’s mind was already whirling through the possibilities. Who _had_ known? How many people had her sister told? How many people had Henrik told? Was it common knowledge that the sister of the queen would be going on her very first date?

She shrugged helplessly. “ _Anyone_ could have known. I'm not sure who my sister would have even told. But gossip travels fast...”

Honeymaren nodded, as if she had figured such. Elsa couldn’t help but to recall the previous night, where Honeymaren had suddenly found other things to do the second Elsa had mentioned her “date”. She didn’t quite understand what had set the Northuldran woman off, but she felt grateful anyway. Honeymaren was here with her now and able to put last night behind them to focus on what mattered.

Elsa knew that she didn’t owe her friend an explanation about her so-called “date”, but she felt as though she should give one anyway. She wanted to.

As if sensing her thoughts, Honeymaren reached for Elsa’s hand, holding it between her own. Elsa was sure that her hands must have been freezing and clammy with nerves, but Honeymaren took no notice and stared into her eyes with a startling intensity.

“I will protect you,” she said. “No matter what.”

It was a promise, and Elsa knew that Honeymaren would not take it lightly. To her surprise, her eyes started stinging. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the night she’d had, the pent-up fear that people were actually trying to kill her, or the way that Honeymaren was standing there, promising to protect her no matter what, despite how upset she’d seemed last night. Or maybe it was just the memories of the first time the “hunters” had found her, nearly a month ago, and all that had happened and all that she’d lost. Maybe it was just some mixture of everything.

Embarrassed, Elsa pulled herself away from Honeymaren and turned so that her back was to the woman and wiped her eyes. 

“Elsa?” came the surprised voice from behind her.

“Sorry,” Elsa whispered, and crossed her arms around herself protectively. “Just give me a moment.”

Instead of walking away like Elsa had anticipated, she felt Honeymaren place a warm hand between her shoulder blades. She began gently rubbing circles to soothe her, and then slowly spun her around so that they were facing each other. 

“There’s no need to apologize,” Honeymaren murmured, her voice low. “I understand why you’d be upset.”

“I’m not,” she told Honeymaren, fixing her eyes on a spot just above Honeymaren’s head, refusing to make eye contact. “I’m just stressed.”

It was a bullshit excuse, and she knew it. And Honeymaren _definitely_ knew it in the way her eyes narrowed. She opened her mouth, as if to call her out on it, and then seemed to think better of it. She stepped back, and even though it was only a small step, it felt like so much more. Elsa wanted to cry all over again.

“Well, I think we need a gameplan.” Honeymaren tossed her hair back, and was back to her fierce attitude in mere seconds. “And before you tell me that we shouldn’t worry about it, I will tell you that this is the second time this has happened in a month, and I do not think it is a coincidence.”

Elsa couldn’t help but to agree, and she nodded to show it. “Whatever we do, I don’t think we should-”

“Tell anyone, yes, I know.” Honeymaren finished, and waved a hand, dismissing the idea. “However, we do need some more information, and I think I’ve thought of something that ensures we can get that information without anyone finding out what we know.”

“What sort of information do we need?”

Honeymaren raised an eyebrow. “We need to find out why people are trying to kill you, Elsa.”

Elsa cringed at Honeymaren’s bluntness. “I already told you why people would want to- you know.”

“Which would make sense,” Honeymaren acknowledged, leaning back against a tree behind her. “If you were still queen. But you’re not even a royal anymore, and I can’t help but think that there is something else at play here.

“I try not to think about that,” Elsa admitted, dragging a toe through the dirt.

“Not thinking about your problems doesn’t solve them!” the dark-haired woman blurted.

Honeymaren’s eyes widened, and she looked startled as if she hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Elsa felt instantly even more terrible. Here Honeymaren was, trying to help her and possibly save her life, after just declaring that she would protect her no matter what, and all Elsa could focus on was trying to downplay things.

Elsa brushed a hand through her hair, frustratedly, and sighed. 

“Elsa, I didn’t mean-”

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

Honeymaren raised her eyebrows and said nothing. Elsa couldn’t help but notice the way the rays from the rising sun hit her at just the right angle, giving the impression that her friend was glowing. It was rather beautiful.

“No, really,” Elsa told her, urging her with her mind to understand. “I am… afraid. And I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know what to do, and you do, and you’re choosing to help me even though you don’t have to. And I’m so grateful... for you. That you’re helping me, I mean.”

Her breathing turned uneven and her words were jumbled, but the second they were out, she was glad that she had said them.

“Was that difficult for you?” Honeymaren drawled, though her eyes had softened. “Look, Elsa. I know it’s not that easy for you to let people in, but you’re allowed to have feelings, and you’re allowed to be scared. And I’ll be here to listen and to help you with whatever you need. I know you think that you’re bothering me or something, but you’re not. Because I’m your friend. And that’s what friends do.”

Elsa looked down at her feet, and felt her heart warm considerably. 

“Thank you,” she whispered, unable to convey how much the words meant to her. 

Honeymaren reached out a hand as if she were going to touch her, but she instead let it fall back to her side. She cleared her throat. “So here’s what we need to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back! I'm so sorry this update took so long- I've had a very busy week. But I think I am finally on top of things again, so hopefully I can get back into this :)  
> Just a couple things-  
> I know it is unlikely that a baby reindeer is that small at three months old (or really ever??) but I am using Disney logic, so just roll with it X)  
> Secondly, I know that I said there would be a time gap between last chapter and this chapter, and I take it back! There is no time gap!  
> Lastly, thanks, as always, for reading. I love you all. <3


	7. That One Night

_One Month Earlier_

“Elsa, where are you? I can’t see!”

“I’m over here!” Elsa laughed, feeling unexpectedly giddy and weightless in the darkness.

She reached her hand down to pet Ryder II, mussing up her brown fur and smiling down at the outline of her baby reindeer who had never left her side since the moment Honeymaren had reintroduced them that one morning in their tent.

Ryder II leaned into her touch and warbled affectionately, then went skipping off a ways, disappearing into the shadowed forest. Elsa didn’t mind, she knew her reindeer could find her way to back to her- she always did.

All of the sudden, she felt a tingling sensation at the back of her neck, almost like a crawling sensation. It was the feeling one gets when they know they’re being watched. As Elsa prepared herself to turn, shivers running down her spine, someone grabbed her neck, gently holding her in place. She felt the warm mass of a person behind her, and nearly jumped out of her skin.

“I’ve got you now, ice queen,” whispered a low, creepy voice.

Elsa turned at once, both annoyed and amused, and took the person by their shoulders.

“Honeymaren, you scared me!” she reprimanded.

“Kind of the point,” Honeymaren replied, and though Elsa couldn’t see it, she knew she was smirking.

As her eyes adjusted, Elsa could see Honeymaren’s large brown eyes, made even bigger in the darkness. She suppressed a shudder. There was something sinister and magical about wandering around in the forest at night. The full moon was hidden behind a cloud and the trees branches stretched into talons that threatened to latch onto any passerby and hold them stationary until they were eaten by whatever lurked in the thick darkness.

“Do you even know where we are?” Elsa asked her.

What had started as a simple walk in the woods before dusk had turned into a whole affair as Honeymaren had led them off the path and into the foliage, twisting and turning until it had gotten dark. So very dark.

“I have no idea,” Honeymaren admitted, and Elsa could see she was biting her lip. “But I think it just makes it that much more… magical.”

“I’ll show you magic,” said Elsa, unable to keep a smile off her face. Honeymaren was right, after all. Elsa just needed to let her guard down… and live a little. 

With a gentle twist and flick of her hand, Elsa sent an icy breeze right at Honeymaren’s face. 

“Hey!” Honeymaren laughed and ducked away, covering her face with her hand. “That was cool, though. Can you do more?”

“Come closer and I’ll show you,” Elsa murmured.

Something about the atmosphere made her feel different. Braver, bolder, and for some reason, a little light-headed. 

“Oh, will you?” Honeymaren stepped closer, accepting the challenge. 

As she neared, Elsa held out her hands in front of her, not knowing exactly what it was that she was going to show her, but it was going to be something _good._

_Crack._

The women froze. The noise seemed to be coming from not quite near but not very far away, either.

“What was that?” Elsa asked. She didn’t know if Honeymaren would know, but Honeymaren did know more about the woods than anyone she had ever met, so maybe she would.

“I know exactly what that is…” Honeymaren said, her voice low and suddenly serious.

Elsa felt a chill run down her spine, and she waited, her breath held, for Honeymaren to continue.

“Something that only comes out on the full moon,” Honeymaren went on, her voice hushed as if she didn’t want to be overheard. Elsa leaned closer. 

“Something…” she continued, looking right into Elsa’s eyes, “that only feeds on the flesh… of blondes.”

Then she tapped Elsa’s nose and danced away into the darkness, her dark head thrown back, laughing. Elsa managed to be simultaneously relieved and rather miffed.

“Honeymaren…” she sang. “Come back here so I can strangle you!”

Honeymaren only laughed harder. Elsa couldn’t see her anymore, but she heard her voice coming from somewhere in the trees.

“You’ll have to catch me first!” the Northuldran woman challenged her.

The sound of boots crunching leaves gradually faded and Elsa was left alone, less than enthusiastic to go running through the woods. 

_The noise was probably just from your reindeer,_ she told herself, not sure why she was so uneasy. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she had literally no idea where they were. 

Sighing, Elsa rolled back her shoulders and set forth in the general direction she supposed Honeymaren had gone off in. She had made it only a few steps when she heard it again, this time much closer.

_Crack._

Chills ran up and down her spine and she folded her arms around herself. 

_Just an animal. Just an animal._

Her self-reassurance didn’t keep her from calling out though.

“Honeymaren?” she asked the shadows uncertainly.

There was no reply. In fact, she was rather sure that it was a lot quieter than it had been before. A hush had fallen over everything, a thick silence blanketing the entire forest. 

_Move,_ she told herself. _Just move. Get out of here._

She began walking again, much quicker than before, a hand rubbing the back of her neck, trying to subside the prickling feeling she felt there. Was it just her, or was it even darker? She was able to make out the vague outlines of trees to avoid hitting them, but as she strode through the forest, little branches tore her clothing and produced a stinging sensation as they cut through her skin. The ground was uneven and she was grateful for her boots, a gift from Honeymaren, that kept her ankles supported. 

_Crack._

Her heart ricocheted in her chest wildly and she was sure her sharp intake of breath could be heard from miles. It had come from right in front of her, and she froze, squinting in the darkness. A cold sweat trickled down her temple and she raised her hands into a defensive stance.

She could see something coming towards her if she looked hard enough. A large shape loomed over her, or wait, was that just a shadow? Where was it? 

She closed her eyes briefly, steeling herself. She was ready to defend herself. She was strong, and she didn’t have to be afraid. Things should fear _her,_ not the other way around. 

Her power rose within her, ready to explode from her should she allow it. 

_Ready, get ready,_ she told herself. And too late, a blurred form right in front of her took shape. 

She might’ve cried out, she wasn’t sure. She threw up her arms to protect herself, knowing she couldn’t make a calculated move in time. All she had time to do was-

“Mrrrr,” came a low rumble, and all of the sudden there was something large and warm rubbing against her chest.

“Ahhh,” gasped Elsa, letting out a small whimper. She sank to her knees right onto the leaf-strewn ground and threw her arms around her baby reindeer. She buried her face into Ryder II’s soft, warm fur and tried not to cry with relief.

 _You’re okay,_ she told herself. _Everything is okay._

“Oh, baby girl,” she whispered. “You scared me. You really scared me.”

She pulled back, and placed her hands on either side of her reindeer’s head and pressed her forehead against her snout. She let out something between a laugh and a sob. Ryder II licked her affectionately, covering her cheek in saliva, but she didn’t care. She was giddy in her relief, shaking and almost laughing. She had been terrified, actually terrified, and all for nothing.

“Come on baby girl,” she whispered. “Let’s go find Honeymaren.”

She almost didn’t feel the jolt. But she did, through her hands, and it confused her. The second one was more noticable, and she heard it too, the whistling through the air followed by a quiet thunk. Her reindeer spasmed and for a moment, remained standing unmoving, its head still cradled in Elsa’s hands.

Then her knees buckled, crumpling in on themselves. With a tiny whimper, she fell to the ground ungracefully, landing hard on the hard-packed dirt.

“No, no, no,” whispered Elsa, her mind refusing to comprehend what was happening. Shock clouded her judgement. Her hands were moving, roving through fur until it went from soft to soaked with warm, liquid. Her hands closed around the arrow shafts and her heart skipped, her vision going blurry. 

“No,” she gasped. “No, please.”

She could freeze them. She could freeze things- but she didn’t know what to freeze. She started panicking, her breathing coming in short gasps. Would she make it worse? There was already so much blood, so much wetness on her hands and on Ryder’s fur, and on her face there was liquid pouring from her eyes making it hard to see-

Her reindeer let out a guttural sound. Her breathing was loud and uneven- a lung must have been punctured. 

“I’m here,” Elsa whispered through her tears. She pulled her baby’s head onto her lap and stroked her fur. She had never felt so helpless. “I’m here, I’m not going to leave. You’re okay. You’re okay.”

Ryder only looked up at her with those big soulful eyes, made wider by fear and pain. The gap between each of its her breaths was longer than the last, each filled with more agony. Elsa swallowed her sob. She didn’t have much time.

“I was going to call you Honey,” she managed to say, and an incredulous laugh escaped her. It didn’t matter, but she felt as though she had to say it. “It was the first name I thought of. It’s the first name I’m always thinking of. But I said Ryder because it was the second name I thought of in that moment, and I really wish I hadn’t because you’re better than that. In fact, I probably should have just given you your own name. Because it’s so, so confusing, and why did I do that?”

She laughed again, wetly, and then sniffed loudly. What was she talking about? She couldn’t understand the words pouring from her, as if they actually mattered in that moment, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. Ryder’s eyelids started to slip, her breathing turning more and more labored, and Elsa gasped.

“No!” she sobbed. “Please, don’t leave me. You can’t leave me. I promise, everything will be okay. It will all be okay. Just stay with me.”

Her reindeer let out another little sound, and its large eyes softened, as if in reassurance. She nuzzled Elsa’s hand with the little strength she had left.

“I love you, sweet girl,” Elsa whispered, her limbs turned to jelly. In the last moment, she leaned down to press her lips between her baby’s eyes. 

Looking back, she realized that if she hadn’t leaned down at that exact moment, the third arrow would have gone straight through her brain. The fast whistling through the air was enough to bring her to her senses, though, and focus her. 

Her grief turned to anger. Icy rage filled her, and her fingertips buzzed. Devastated, she clung to her reindeer as she breathed her last. Swallowing her sob, Elsa used her fingertips to gently close her eyelids, and then lower her body to the ground. 

_I promise I will give you a proper burial,_ she promised her reindeer. _But first, someone needs to pay for what they did._

“Show yourself,” she bellowed into the woods. “Come out and show me who you are!”

She didn’t know who. She didn’t know why. She didn’t understand where she was, or what was happening. All she knew was that her reindeer was dead, and she was about to be. The fourth arrow nicked her ear, and she exploded. Ice and snow shot from her in sharp fragments meant to pierce. She couldn’t see in the dark but she was nearly certain that she had covered every surface. 

Elsa didn’t stop there. She wasn’t sure if she was controlling it, or she was being controlled, but her power continued to escape her. The air went frigid and she heard the cracking and groaning of the trees, buckling under the thick layers of ice growing on them. Her own knees shook and she collapsed on the smooth ice below her, tired beyond words. But still, she allowed her power to flow from her.

She closed her eyes, succumbing to the icy power within her. More, more, more. The temperature was dropping exponentially, but she urged it to go further. She would freeze the entire forest. No one would be safe. No one would survive.

Her eyes flew open and she gasped. Honeymaren. _No-_

“ELSA!” 

A shimmering form caught her eye amidst the black ice of the forest. A horse, made of glowing water, stood tall and unaffected. It illuminated its surroundings and the dark, thick ice flickered and shone in the ethereal glow. There on its back was a gorgeous dark-haired woman, mercifully unharmed, calling out to her with an arm outstretched.

“Get back!” Elsa cried, never so glad or so terrified to see someone. She pushed herself up on her hand, and her arm shook with the effort. Her blond hair was plastered to her neck and forehead with sweat. “You have to get out of here. It’s not safe.”

“Shh,” Honeymaren held up her hands and slid off Nokk’s back. She walked purposefully towards Elsa, hardly slipping despite the ice that covered every inch. “It’s okay. They’re gone.”

Elsa didn’t understand why she seemed so calm, and why she was walking towards her, not running away. 

_It’s not them you need to worry about,_ she wanted to say. _It’s me._

Because she didn’t think she could stop. She couldn’t stop the ice and cold from pouring out of her, excreting itself through her skin. Once again, she was the monster.

“Elsa,” Honeymaren said again. “Elsa, look at me.”

“No,” Elsa gasped, unable to listen to sense. Her arm gave out and she fell back onto the ice, the fight gone out of her. “I could hurt you.”

“Are _you_ hurt?” Honeymaren didn’t seem to care as she walked towards Elsa and crouched on the ground where Elsa lay, curled in a fetal position. 

“No,” she whispered, and she couldn’t stop the tears from pouring out of her eyes. “But they got-”

“I know,” Honeymaren said sadly. 

Reaching out, she deftly slipped an arm underneath Elsa and pulled her upright. 

_Don’t touch me,_ she wanted to say. _You have to get away._

She tried to pull away, but her struggling was weak, and Honeymaren only held her tighter, pulling her against her chest and twining a hand in her hair. Honeymaren still seemed completely unaffected by her. The only sign she could even feel the freezing temperatures were the visible puffs of air that came from her when she breathed.

“Oh, Elsa,” Honeymaren whispered, and she cupped Elsa’s cheek with her other hand, using her thumb to brush away her tears. “You’re okay, I’ve got you.”

Her voice seemed to cut through Elsa’s very core, reaching a part of her that could still listen and respond to reason. In the feeling akin to a twisting valve, Elsa felt her power shut off abruptly. Just like that, it was over. The forest seemed to let out a breath of relief, and though the ice remained, the sharp and spiked edges softened, and the air settled, returning to its normal, slightly cool temperature.

“I’m sorry,” Elsa managed weakly, staring at the sky. A hole had formed in the clouds, and she could make out hundreds of glittering stars. They made her feel small.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Honeymaren told her, and in a single movement, she scooped Elsa into her arms, keeping her held firmly against her chest.

Elsa didn’t have the energy to protest. She still hadn’t processed anything that had happened, and all she felt was a sense of wild despair and devastation that weighed her down and kept her from caring. Everything had happened so fast, and she didn’t have the energy nor the willpower to try to understand.

All she knew was that Honeymaren was here now. She was safe in her arms, and she trusted her enough to slip into oblivion, succumbing to her exhaustion, letting herself be carried through a forest of ice.

* * *

Honeymaren never should have left her. She hadn’t intended to, and she never would have had she not felt the tugging sensation in her gut, leading her through the forest. She didn’t understand why, or what was happening until she found Nokk, the tall, imposing water spirit gliding towards her through the trees. Silently, it approached her, and all at once she understood. Something was not right.

“Can you get us home?” she had asked the spirit horse, rather breathless and in awe to be standing before one of the elemental spirits that she had learned of all her life.

Nokk lowered their head infinitesimally, as if in confirmation, and then, to Honeymaren’s bewilderment, knelt before her. She understood the invitation, and without pondering how it was possible to sit atop a horse made of water, climbed atop Nokk’s back. 

As Nokk rose to her impressive height, Honeymaren felt a small thrill go through her, as well as a sense of urgency. 

“Take me to her,” she whispered. Nokk didn’t need to be told. With a toss of their flowing, liquid mane, Nokk leapt into movement through the trees. Honeymaren clenched her thighs around the horse and tried her hardest not to fall off. There was nothing to hold onto, and they were going fast. The trees became a blur around her and her braid streamed behind her 

Had it been any other occasion, she would have thrown her head back and savored the feeling of wind on her face. Now, a sense of dread grew within the pit of her stomach with every league they travelled. 

It was only strengthened when she swore she made out a dark human figure, running in the opposite direction of where she was headed. She wouldn’t have been surprised if she had imagined it, but the way the air was getting colder and colder the further they travelled told her that she hadn’t.

Something was wrong. Very wrong.

Honeymaren saw the ice before she saw Elsa. Before she was even close to Elsa. Thick layers of spiked ice covered every surface of every tree and the ground, and it was only growing. 

_Faster,_ she wanted to tell Nokk, but they were already going so fast that she wasn’t sure it would have done anything.

And suddenly, there they were. Nokk stopped so abruptly that Honeymaren almost went tumbling from their back.

“Elsa,” she whispered, because there she was. 

She was lying down, curled in the ice. Her eyes were closed, an expression of deep pain and anguish on her face. Power secreted from her in visible waves of snow and freezing air, and crystals of ice on every surface grew at an incredibly quick rate.

Sometimes Honeymaren forgot. She was so powerful. So much power was stored in that sweet, anxious woman whom she adored so much. Any other time, it would have taken the breath from her. Now, her heart just broke, seeing Elsa laying there on the ground in visible pain.

Almost as if she could sense her presence, Elsa’s eyes flew open and noticed her instantly. She looked terrified.

 _She’s worried she’ll hurt you_ , Honeymaren realized, and she then subconsciously realized that she was almost completely unaffected by Elsa’s power.

As she called out to her, she noticed the reindeer, lying motionless on its side. All at once, things started to make sense. Ryder II had been killed by something, no _someone._ Probably the someone she had seen running away through the woods, and Elsa had reacted so extremely because she was afraid? Upset?

No, there had to be something else. Elsa wouldn’t have reacted this way, unless… Unless. 

Honeymaren refused to let herself consider. She refused to let herself think until she had her arms safely fastened around Elsa’s frigid form in front of her on Nokk, speeding through the forest on their way home. 

It was only once they reached the valley of the Northuldra, guarded on all sides by fighters who had trained since birth to protect their people, that she let herself breathe and relax, though only slightly. It was only once she recognized the safety of her home that she realized that she had no idea where the incident had taken place, no idea where they had been. She didn’t understand a whole lot yet, but she could already tell that that little fact would prove to be quite an issue later.

* * *

“Mar- Maren?” 

Honeymaren stopped where she stood, and turned away from where she had been adding logs to the fire in the center pit of her tent. 

She didn’t know how Elsa’s powers worked, or how her body temperature worked. All she knew was that Elsa’s skin was so cold that it hurt to touch, and Elsa had a human body. So she had taken Elsa to her tent, refusing to consider the idea of letting the woman out of her sight. She had wrapped her in blankets and furs, and then promising she’d be back very soon, went straight back outside to inform the border guard that there were suspicious people out in the woods. Returning to the tent, she started a roaring fire, only able to hope that it would do some good and restore some body heat to her friend.

“How are you feeling?” Honeymaren demanded then, trying to ignore the fact that Elsa had just called her Maren and she didn’t think she had ever loved anything so much in her entire life.

“I’m,” Elsa tried to sit up, obviously straining with the effort. “Fine.”

“Shhh,” Honeymaren murmured, and was instantly before her, pushing her back down into the bedding by her shoulders. “Lay down. I think you really pushed yourself to your limits out there.”

“I don’t have limits,” Elsa informed her stubbornly, and managed a look of superiority even wrapped tightly in blankets, looking quite ill and paler than normal.

Honeymaren chuckled and sat down beside Elsa, crossing her legs. “Everyone has limits, darling.”

“Not me,” Elsa responded, still sticking to her claim.

Honeymaren shook her head, a smile on her face. “Alright, then.”

She knew they needed to discuss what had happened. Joking aside, the events that had happened not an hour ago refused to be forgotten, and cast a dark, metaphorical shadow over both of them. Elsa’s shoulders slumped, and her eyes went dark. Honeymaren knew she felt it too.

“Where is she?”

Honeymaren didn’t understand. “Where is who?”

“My reindeer,” Elsa whispered, and Honeymaren felt a wave of sadness.

She had watched enough reindeer die to not get too attached anymore, but that didn’t say anything for her friend. Elsa and Ryder II had been inseparable for months, and Honeymaren could only imagined what she must be feeling. She had _loved_ her reindeer. She wouldn’t even let it sleep in the fields with the others. It slept with her. 

Had.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t…” 

She hadn’t even considered burying it, or trying to. There wasn’t a way for the body to be transported either, so she had just _left_ it. That sounded really terrible. 

Elsa didn’t seem to be upset at Honeymaren. She only nodded and closed her eyes. Honeymaren wished more than anything that she could pull Elsa into her arms and- Stop. She needed to stop. 

“Tell me what happened,” she commanded, knowing she needed to ask while they were on the subject. She hated how demanding her voice sounded, but considered it necessary. Honeymaren found that in times of tragedy, being all soft and wishy-washy only made things worse. 

Elsa seemed thankfully unfazed by her tone, and rolled over on her side, propping her head up on her hand. She began at the part of her tale where Honeymaren had left her all the way until the third and fourth arrows were fired. At this part, she lifted her hair to show Honeymaren the tiny scratch on her ear and Honeymaren wanted to reach over and trace it with a finger. She didn’t though. She listened as Elsa explained how her power had flown from her, seemingly of its own accord.

“Sometimes, it’s like a defense mechanism,” Elsa told her, staring into nothing. “I’m not telling it what to do, but it senses that I’m in danger.”

It didn’t escape Honeymaren’s notice that Elsa referred to her power as its own separate entity, but she decided to save the discussion for another time.

“So you must have known,” Honeymaren said.

“Known what?” Elsa still refused to look at her. 

“That you were the target,” she answered flatly.

_Must she make her say it?_

Elsa didn’t answer. Honeymaren knew that she _did_ know, even if she refused to accept it in the moment. 

“Do you know why someone would try to do that?” Honeymaren asked her, wishing that Elsa would meet her eyes.

“It could be any number of reasons,” Elsa finally said, and the calmness in her voice evoked a feeling of anger inside of Honeymaren. “It’s happened before. I’m not… surprised.”

Honeymaren wanted to lean over and shake her. Not just one, but numerous people had tried to take Elsa’s life, and she was acting so nonchalant about it, as if she didn’t even care.

 _Don’t you see?_ Honeymaren wanted to shout at her. _That’s not normal, or okay._

But Elsa still wouldn’t even look at her.

“We’re going to find them,” Honeymaren promised her, trying to ignore the hot anger bubbling in her stomach. “They killed a reindeer. Our reindeer. That’s illegal.”

“If we weren’t in their territory, then it is,” Elsa replied. “Were we?”

“I…” _Don’t know._

Honeymaren shook her head, not ready to give up. “Did you see their face? Or their clothes, or anything at all that would help us?”

She explained to Elsa that brief glimpse she’d gotten of the person she had seen running through the woods, away from her ice explosion.

“I never saw them.” Elsa looked at her then. Her bright blue eyes had lost some of there shine and there was a cold, sadness within them that Honeymaren had never seen. She wished to know what she was thinking. What she had been through. 

“I don't know if it was more than one person either, or if they were even from Arendelle,” Elsa went on, and Honeymaren realized it at the same time that Elsa seemed to.

_There wasn’t anything that they could do._

“We’ll tell Anna. She’s the queen. She can do something,” Honeymaren offered, trying not to sound as desperate as she was.

But Elsa was shaking her head before she was even finished. “We _can’t_ tell my sister.”

“Why not?” Honeymaren demanded, not understanding why they wouldn’t.

“Because she’ll freak out. She’ll want to do something. And we both know, there’s nothing we can do until we have evidence and know that the law is on our side. She’ll make me stay at the castle, where she can ensure my safety. Besides, Anna has enough on her plate without having to worry about me.”

Honeymaren’s brow furrowed. She didn’t like it. She didn’t like it at all. But it did make sense.

“What if we…” she thought out loud, “worked outside the law?”

Elsa stared at her, startled. 

“No, I’m serious,” Honeymaren went on. “I’m good at tracking people. You’re good at…”

She mimed shooting ice with her hands and the corners of Elsa’s mouth lifted in amusement.

“Anyways, what if we hunted them down and just… staged a little accident?” Honeymaren grimaced at what she was implying. 

Elsa didn’t react with horror, as Honeymaren had expected, but she didn’t appear to be on board with it either. 

“I don’t think that will work…” she said slowly, and Honeymaren could see the wheels turning in her brain. “It’s too risky. We wouldn’t have any evidence on our side and I think a, well, a murder of an citizen of Arendelle would make the Northuldra’s life very difficult, regardless of whether or not they could prove we were behind it. Assuming the person you saw was from Arendelle. And you know how it is.”

Honeymaren did. Tensions between Arendelle and the Northuldra were running high, and it seemed that all some certain people from Arendelle would need to make their lives a living hell (more so than they already were) was the death of one of their own. No, Elsa was right. They would need to play by the rules. 

“I don’t think we’re really cut out to be killers, anyways,” Honeymaren said with a sideways smile.

Elsa reached up and squeezed her shoulder. “I would have to agree.”

‘So we’ll find more information?” Honeymaren asked. “We can study the law, and territorial boundaries, and whatever else we need so that we can avenge Ryder II and keep you safe."

She could tell by Elsa’s face that she didn’t see the point. In fact, Honeymaren was almost certain that the only reason she seemed to care at all was because of the death of her reindeer, and when Elsa reluctantly agreed, Honeymaren figured that the promise of revenge in her eyes was for Ryder II, not for herself. She wouldn’t lie, it made her angry beyond words. But she wouldn’t push it- not tonight.

“Lay with me,” Elsa said suddenly, staring at Honeymaren, the command etched on her features.

“What?” Honeymaren’s head spun with the sudden change in subject.

“Come on,” Elsa said, and moved over, creating a spot in the blankets for Honeymaren. “Just do it.”

“Why?”

“Because I want you to.” Elsa’s eyes flickered in the firelight. 

Honeymaren had no desire to argue, and she laid down on her side, facing Elsa. The blankets were cool as they had been in contact with Elsa, and Honeymaren once again was worried for Elsa’s body temperature. 

“Is it safe for you to be this cold?” she couldn’t help but ask.

“I am not cold,” Elsa said flatly, and rolled over onto her back, staring at the domed ceiling of the tent. “I am never cold.”

“Wrong again,” Honeymaren told her. She reached over and lifted Elsa’s hand up and shook it lightly, as if she was using it as evidence. “Your hands are freezing. _You’re_ freezing.”

Elsa turned her head so that she was facing Honeymaren, and purple-lidded eyes narrowed in challenged. “Maybe you need to come closer, then.”

The heat in Honeymaren’s lower abdomen spread like wildfire. This woman would be the death of her, she was sure. She had to take several deep breaths before she responded.

“Roll over,” she ordered quietly, gesturing that Elsa face away from her.

Elsa did so, and before Honeymaren moved, she took in the image of her. She was so beautiful in the way her pale, blonde hair stuck to the back of neck, and in the curve of her hip. A thousand curse words drifted through her brain, but before she could talk herself out of it, she eased herself closer, pressing her chest to Elsa’s back and fitting her legs in the curve of the other woman’s legs. 

Though Elsa was taller, Honeymaren couldn’t help but notice that they fit together perfectly. And when Honeymaren reached out to secure her arm around Elsa’s abdomen, holding her in place, Elsa let out a tiny sigh that was so perfect and so beautifully _Elsa_ that Honeymaren was surprised that she did not spontaneously combust. 

“You’re quite warm,” Elsa murmured, and Honeymaren was happy to hear that she sounded just as breathless as Honeymaren felt. 

“Go to sleep,” Honeymaren replied into Elsa’s gorgeous, soft hair. She hoped Elsa couldn’t feel how fast her heart was beating. 

Honeymaren waited until Elsa’s breathing had evened out, and she had stopped feeling so much like an ice sculpture before reluctantly (very reluctantly) relinquishing her hold on the girl and leaving to do what she knew she had to.

By morning, every single person in the Northuldra knew that a baby reindeer had been killed by hunters in the woods. Elsa and Honeymaren may not have had the evidence they needed, but Honeymaren would be damned if she let the incident go unreported and unnoticed. Her people would throw a fit for her, and it was just the first step in the plan she had already begun to formulate. Those hunters, assassins, or whoever they were, were going to pay for what they had done. 

Because no one messed with her people.

No one messed with Elsa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Merry Christmas if you celebrate that, and happy holiday season otherwise! I hope you all have a wonderful day, and don't forget to indulge in a little self-care, whatever that may be for you. Thanks for reading. Much love <3


	8. Conversations

_Present Day_

If her date had gone well last night, she probably would have died. Whoever had been out there waiting for her had probably counted on her coming straight home after her date. It was why she hadn’t crossed paths with them- because they hadn’t expected her to prolong her visit to Arendelle by visiting her sister for a few hours afterwards. The thought managed to both unsettle Elsa and bring her some solace.

She had gone on a walk to clear her head while Honeymaren claimed that she had had to take care of some things before they met back up. Instead of her head clearing, however, being at the valley’s edge only left her alone with her thoughts which seemed to spiral further and further into darkness. 

It had started snowing nearly an hour ago, and while the snow would normally have lifted her mood, putting her more in her element, so to speak, she barely noticed the freezing flakes landing on her skin as she strode around the wide grassy field. She was away from all the tents and people, but she didn’t dare go further into the trees before her. 

_I don’t want you to leave on your own,_ Honeymaren told her. 

It was perfectly understandable- at this point, who knew who could be out there, waiting to assassinate her? But all the same, Elsa hated the fuss that was being made about her.

She couldn’t blame her friend’s concern. If their positions were reversed, she was certain that she would act the same way. And she was remarkably touched (and rather shocked) that Honeymaren cared so much about her that she was willing to put her own life in danger to protect Elsa’s. But beneath it all, there was a small part of Elsa that wanted nothing more than to restrict the other woman’s involvement in the matter.

Because as much as she refused to admit it, she _was_ afraid. Not so much for herself, but for Honeymaren.

She was afraid when she woke up the morning after the incident when her reindeer had been killed and Honeymaren was gone, only to be told by Ryder that she had gone out with a hunting party that morning to see if they could find any clues relating to who might have been behind the attack. (They hadn’t- all the evidence, arrows, body, and the like, had appeared to have disappeared overnight, or so it seemed. Neither Honeymaren nor Elsa were able to pinpoint the exact location that they had been, which proved an issue in and of itself.)

She was afraid when Honeymaren insisted that she help Anna in researching the boundaries and territorial laws surrounding Northuldra and Arendelle relations.

She was definitely afraid when she woke up that very morning to hear about what happened the night before because she knew that Honeymaren would take it upon herself to investigate- and she had. Nothing had relieved Elsa more than to find Honeymaren still in the valley when she had gone to look for her.

And she was afraid now, when Honeymaren said she was going to speak to Yelena, the leader of the Northuldra, as she might have information on why people would want to hunt her.

Everything that Honeymaren did reflected her drive to understand what was happening, and her passion to protect Elsa. And as much as Elsa appreciated this, it still put her friend potentially in harm’s way. She knew Honeymaren was more than capable of protecting herself, but whenever she closed her eyes, she was back in the forest that one dark night. Only this time, the person she held and cried over wasn’t her reindeer. It was Honeymaren.

Elsa knew that nothing that she said and nothing that she did could ever get Honeymaren to revoke her promise and forget about what had happened that night. Forget about protecting her. Because that wasn’t who Honeymaren was. And as grateful as she was to have someone protecting her, Elsa couldn’t keep herself from feeling sheer terror that only increased the longer that she thought about it and processed their earlier conversation.

 _Together, together, together,_ Anna had always told her. _Begged_ her at some points, even. 

Elsa thought she had finally understood, but she didn’t. In fact, she had never wanted to do anything alone so badly in her life. She wanted to know what was happening as bad as Honeymaren, but if it meant putting her friend in harm’s way and increasing Honeymaren’s chances of getting hurt, then she preferred to do it alone- as irrational as that seemed.

So as she walked through the fields, instead of thinking about what she was going to do next about any of the other numerous problems she currently had, she thought of ways that she could convince Honeymaren to drop the entire investigation. So far, she had come up with no plausible ideas, and was rather relieved for the distraction when she saw a figure running towards her.

“Hello Ryder,” she said calmly as Honeymaren’s brother stopped abruptly before her and doubled over, panting, hands on his knees.

“Hey,” he gasped. “Elsa.”

“Take your time,” Elsa advised him, her eyebrows raised.

Despite the snow falling from the sky, Ryder’s face dripped with sweat. It appeared that he had run a long way to find her. 

“I’m fine,” Ryder said, still clearly out of breath. He straightened, and held out his hand to her in a closed fist. “I wanted to show you this.”

Elsa held out her hand, letting Ryder drop the thing in his fist into it.

It was a small brass button that shone when it caught the light of the mid-morning rays. Elsa held it up between her thumb and forefinger, squinting at it closely.

Upon closer inspection, it appeared to have some sort of symbol etched on the front of it. Elsa realized it looked quite like a family crest of sorts, though she had never seen it. She turned her gaze on Ryder and pursed her lips.

“Where did you get this?”

Ryder removed his cap and used it to wipe his glistening forehead. “I went out this morning with a search party to see if we could find anything relating to the hunters that were spotted out there last night.”

He stopped and held up his hands, wincing slightly. “You know about that already, right?”

“Yes, I do,” Elsa reassured him. “So you found that where the hunters supposedly were last night?”

“By the sea path, yes,” Ryder said. “Do you know what it could be from? I was told to ask you since you know quite a bit more about Arendelle than any of us.”

Elsa looked back at the seemingly innocent button in her hand. If she was honest, it seemed quite strange to her that someone would have dropped something as conspicuous as a button, but she buried the thought and answered Ryder.

“Well... “ she began. “It looks like it fell off a jacket. An expensive one, so I would presume that whomever would wear such a jacket would be of a high class. I’ve seen people in Arendelle wear them- usually those with a military background, though I don’t think it would have to be. And the symbol… it looks like it could be a family crest? I don’t know. I’ve never seen it before.”

Ryder stared at her intently, nodding vigorously until she had finished. “Do you think you could… find out?”

Elsa was already thinking the same thing. “I think I could. Do you mind if I borrow it? I could give it to Anna to see if she knows.”

“Go ahead. I think that should be fine,” Ryder smiled easily, as he always did, and Elsa had the sudden desire to shake him. “Do you know when you’ll be able to talk to her?”

The thought of her sister and the night before made her stomach clench. 

“Soon,” she assured Ryder, though she had no idea where she stood with her sister and when they would talk again. Her own uncertainty was terrifying, as she felt that her sister was the one person whom she could always rely on. She pushed the thought aside and cleared her throat.

“Do you know why people would venture so close to our territory?” 

She posed the question carefully and did her best to keep her face blank. 

Ryder smiled and shook his head helplessly. “You know, I honestly don’t know. But it’s certainly enough to put people on edge. I mean, we know how people from Arendelle feel about us. So that, paired with the fact that there seem to be men from Arendelle lurking around near our borders after dark with seemingly no reason to do so is kind of… sketchy.”

He gave a small laugh, and then placed a hand on Elsa’s shoulder. Her eyes widened, surprised.

“But I wouldn’t worry, okay? We’re more than adept at being able to defend ourselves. Always have been.”

Elsa’s heart squeezed. If she and Honeymaren were correct in their assumption, which they probably were, it was all because of Elsa that the Northuldra would even need to defend themselves. Even if the Northuldra weren’t the target, her baby reindeer was proof that innocent beings got hurt around her. Because of her. Did she even deserve to live with the Northuldra? She was bringing so much trouble upon them that maybe it would be better if she just left. That way, no one could get hurt. No one would have to worry or be afraid for their own safety.

“Elsa?” Ryder looked worriedly into her eyes, his hand still tight on her shoulder. “What’s wrong? I promise everything is going to be okay.”

He _had_ to suspect something. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the hunters had been waiting by _her_ normal route she used to return home. But even though he must have connected her with the incident, his focus remained solely on reassuring her, even though she was the issue. It made her feel sick with guilt.

“Sorry,” she shrugged off his hand, and ducked her gaze. “Stomachache.”

It wasn’t entirely a lie.

Ryder’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t say anything. In that way, he was so much like his sister. 

She expected him to walk away now and leave her be, but he didn’t seem in a hurry to walk off.

“So…” he said, motioning that she walk with him. “I heard you had a date last night.”

Of all the things she didn’t want to talk about, Elsa figured her disaster of a date was probably at the top of the list.

“Yes,” she answered shortly, falling into step with him. She hoped her tone made it clear that she was not in the mood for the conversation, but Ryder took no notice.

“How was that?” he looked sideways at her, his ever-present smile still in his eyes.

“Fine.” 

“Is that all?” Ryder put his hands in his pockets. 

Elsa’s pace quickened in her irritation but Ryder kept up easily, seemingly not noticing as they strode across the wide expanse of grass.

“You know, I didn’t really expect that from you,” he went on calmly. 

Elsa’s shoulders tensed. “Expect what?” she bit out, fearing the answer.

“Oh, you know,” Ryder gestured randomly, then slipped his hand back into his pocket.

Elsa stopped walking and spun around so that they were face to face. Ryder’s face was so annoyingly calm that it both scared her and angered her.

“I don’t.”

“I think you do,” Ryder fired back easily. 

She crossed her arms, refusing to think about what he was insinuating. _Couldn’t_ think about it. She couldn’t even be sure that she knew what he was talking about. In fact, he was probably just joking around. She refused to consider the alternative. That he _knew…_

 _Don’t be ridiculous,_ she chastised herself. _No one knows. There’s no way that anyone could know._

She stared at him, hoping to bore holes through him with her eyes. Of course, Ryder didn’t seem remotely affected. 

“You know, most people are pretty accepting. There’s no reason to be embarrassed, or-”

“Stop!” Elsa ran a hand through her hair, breathing heavily. “Please. Just stop.”

Now Ryder did look rather concerned, and he stepped back as if to give her space. “Alright. Just know that you can talk to me if you ever need to. Ok?”

Elsa nodded to get him to shut up and leave her alone, fully knowing that she would never talk to him ever. She felt hot and cold all over, with a prickling sensation on her back and stomach. She wanted to lie down.

Long after Ryder had left her, standing alone and unmoving in the field, she still had not completely calmed down.

* * *

“I need to talk to Yelena. Do you know where she is?"

Ingrid stood immobile, her head tilted to the sky. Her mouth was open, ready to catch the drifting flakes that filled the air.

“Ingrid…?” Honeymaren prompted. She’d never seen someone stand so still. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, Ingrid closed her mouth and lowered her head so that she was looking at Honeymaren. 

“Do you think Elsa made it snow?” Ingrid asked her, her large brown eyes sparkling.

Honeymaren sighed internally. “I don’t think so. It doesn’t seem like something she would do.”

Though now that she thought about it, whenever Elsa was upset, some sort of winter weather resulted from it. And based on their earlier conversation, Elsa was definitely upset, even if she refused to acknowledge it.

“Okay,” said Ingrid, shrugging. “Did Elsa have fun on her date?”

Honeymaren went still. “I don’t know; I didn’t ask.”

She didn’t want to know. She didn’t even want to think about Elsa and her stupid date. She was almost grateful for the sudden turn in events, because it kept her occupied. It kept her from thinking about where Elsa had been last night.

“Okay,” Ingrid said again. She began to tilt her head back again. 

“Ingrid!” Honeymaren was unable to keep the irritation out of her voice.

To her relief, Ingrid stopped and looked at her expectantly. Honeymaren relaxed.

“Do you know where Yelena is?” she asked quickly before the small girl lost interest.

Ingrid nodded and pointed deeper into the middle of the valley where the tents were less sparse, and more people gathered. Exasperatedly, Honeymaren thanked her and set off. 

The mood of the Northuldra that late morning was tense. They talked and whispered among themselves, and though Honeymaren was loathe to see her people uneasy, she knew that being aware of any danger posed to them increased their chances of survival should something happen.

As she walked through the tents and fires and clotheslines, Honeymaren couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride for her people. They would fight, should it come to that, and they remained optimistic and strong in the face of everyone who dared think differently of them. Ever since the mist had vanished, her people had faced a lot of that from Arendellians who just refused to understand that some people had different cultures than them. 

Though any intolerance towards the Northuldra filled her with rage, Honeymaren found consolation in the endless patience and goodwill of her people. She was also able to draw comfort in the fact that most citizens of Arendelle were inherently good, like Elsa, Anna, and Kristoff. Even on the days where she just wanted to scream and punch things, she managed to calm down and remind herself that integration took time, even though, when it really came down to it, she didn’t see why. Living in the mist her whole life had shielded her from the good parts of the world. But it had also shielded her from people who lived with hate and prejudice in their hearts

Spotting Yelena, the unofficial leader of the Northuldra (said mostly everyone), Honeymaren leapt over a last firepit and landed hard next to the old woman to make her presence known.

Yelena eyed her up and down, ever the un-amused. Honeymaren had known the stern woman since birth, and as much as she respected her, she couldn’t help but feeling that Yelena would never respect _her._ It was an intimidating feeling.

“Hi,” she said, rather breathless.

Yelena didn’t smile. “Hello, child. You look distraught.”

Honeymaren looked down at herself as if she could see the “distraughtness” somewhere on her clothes. 

“I wanted to ask you about something,” she said, uncertainly. 

If she was honest, Yelena was the one who looked distraught. Though she remained straight-backed and rigid, her brows were drawn together and her mouth was thin and tight. She was probably just as stressed as the rest of them, if not even more so.

Yelena gestured that Honeymaren follow her, and together, the two of them began walking. Honeymaren took her silence as an invitation to keep talking.

“I wanted to know if you knew anything about the fifth spirit,” she said. “Besides what we already know.”

Honeymaren could think of two reasons that Elsa could be a target for assassination that seemed the most plausible. One of which was what Elsa had said herself- that she was a former royal, and used to lead a kingdom. While that made a lot of sense to Honeymaren, she couldn’t shake the gut feeling that maybe it had something to do with Elsa’s other identity- her being the fifth spirit. She figured she wouldn’t know unless she looked into it, and it was as good a start as any.

Yelena used her walking stick to move a fallen branch out of their path. “You want information on Elsa.”

It wasn’t a question.

“Yes,” said Honeymaren. “I mean, no. Not really. I want to know about the fifth spirit. People blessed with elemental powers.”

“I see.” Yelena’s brow knit itself together even tighter. To her relief, Yelena didn’t ask why, which Honeymaren appreciated.

“Has there ever been anyone else? And how does it work? Are there limits?”

The questions flowed from her naturally, and Honeymaren realized that they came from a place of innocent curiosity, as well as from her concern. There was a lot to wonder about when it came to Elsa’s powers. A part of her wondered if Elsa had ever wondered the same thing.

“You have a lot of questions,” the elder woman stated. “I do wonder, are these questions coming from you, or from Elsa?”

The clouds parted and bright sunlight shone through the camp, casting a stark contrast with the dark, snow-filled clouds above. 

“From me,” Honeymaren said firmly, kind of wishing that Yelena would just answer her question instead of asking her own. 

“Does she know you’re asking?” Yelena raised her eyebrows. 

Honeymaren squinted, both in annoyance and from the sunlight. “No?”

“It sounds like you’re unsure.”

“I’m not,” cried Honeymaren, unable to keep the exasperation from her voice. 

Yelena stopped walking and stared at her, her face remarkably blank besides a single raised eyebrow.

Talking to Yelena was the only time when she seemed to lose her patience and one of the only times when she questioned herself. There was something about the older woman that made her feel like a child again, and she hated it. She wondered if the older tribeswoman did it on purpose. She let out a sigh through her nose, attempting to calm herself and begin again.

“Do you know anything?” she asked quietly.

Thankfully, Yelena started walking again and made no comment regarding her mini outburst. 

“I don’t,” she answered calmly, and Honeymaren felt her heart sink. “But I think I know who might.”

“Who?” Honeymaren tried to keep her voice devoid of any emotion, despite the relief that filled her.

Yelena offered a sad smile. “Your mother.”

This time, Honeymaren couldn’t keep herself from reacting. She wasn’t sure if her expression was disgusted, angry, or even fearful. Whatever it was caused Yelena to look at her with something akin to sympathy. 

“Are you joking?” she got out.

“I don’t ‘joke’.”

Of course she didn’t. It made sense, too- that her mother would know. Honeymaren didn’t like to recall the parts of her child that included her mother, but she did remember her mother’s infatuation with the elemental spirits. She had been obsessed with finding the elements embodiments of physical forms and was constantly researching or out in the forest, walking aimlessly for hours. Honeymaren could only imagine what she would do if she got her hands on Elsa. The very thought made her shudder.

“Is there anyone else who knows anything?” Honeymaren asked weakly, though she already knew the answer. Perhaps she had already known the answer deep down before she had even gone to talk to Yelena.

Yelena only shook her head. “Not that I know of. Take it or leave it, child.”

Honeymaren didn’t know how successful her mother had been in finding the information that she had been looking for, but Yelena was right. It would take her ages to find someone who knew half as much as her mother- and she didn’t have that kind of time. 

Yelena squeezed Honeymaren’s shoulder before leaving her standing there in the middle of the camp, her mind whirling and feeling as though she was going to be sick.

* * *

Elsa wasn’t sure where Honeymaren had gotten off to, but as she walked through the camp trying to find her, she ran into Gale which temporarily halted her search. Or Gale ran into her, more like. The wind spirit was especially mischievous today and nearly blew Elsa’s top up before Elsa crossed her arms around herself and glared at the wind spirit, or where she assumed it was, not in the mood to flash the entirety of the Northuldra. Not that she ever was. 

Gale left the letter on top of Elsa’s head and blew off. Elsa swore she heard phantom laughter in the breeze as she did so. Gingerly removing the letter from her head, Elsa rolled her eyes before recognizing her sister’s handwriting.

She was instantly filled with both dread and anticipation. She had no idea what the letter would contain, especially after their tense conversation last night. But a part of her was relieved to hear from her sister, and grateful that Anna had reached out especially after how weird things had felt after she had left the castle. She unfolded the letter. It was very short.

_Dear Elsa,_

_As you know, the Winter Ball is almost here. I wanted to go dress shopping with you and Honeymaren. I thought it would be fun to have a girl’s night out. Let me know what times work for you and if Honeymaren will come._

_I love you,_

_Anna_

Elsa sighed, releasing some of the tension within her. The letter seemed like somewhat of a peace offering. The invitation put Elsa at ease, but she could still sense Anna’s distress through the paper and ink. Was it even from her sister if there weren’t a million exclamation points? Though Elsa was already worried about numerous other things, she managed to find more room in her mind to worry about her sister as well. 

She still didn’t understand what had happened last night, but she was relieved that she would get to see Anna soon and put to rest any bad feelings between them. She couldn’t be unsure of the one steady thing in her life right now, and she felt certain that she’d go on a million dates for her sister if only it made her happy.

As miserable as she’d be, it’d be worth it.

Elsa took a deep breath, and rolled up the letter. She shut all of her fears inside of her and set off once again to search for Honeymaren. A part of her knew that just being with the Northuldran woman would calm her considerably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, yes YOU, for reading. Much love. :))))))))))


	9. Honeymaren's Mother

Since the moment that Elsa had met back up with Honeymaren, she knew that something was wrong. Honeymaren seemed anxious, tense, and on edge, and Elsa had never seen her in such a state before. The dark-haired woman had gone completely still, her normal exuberant energy gone. She stood by herself, straight as a board, and had been like that since Elsa had found her minutes earlier. She wanted nothing more than to pull Honeymaren into her arms and hold her tightly, but she resisted the urge, wanting to see what had happened. She figured that something must have happened while her friend had been off talking to Yelena- it was the only thing that made sense.

“What’s wrong?” Elsa asked gently, skipping right to the chase. She sat in the low crook of an old, gnarled tree. Her legs were crossed before her and she leaned back comfortably against the rough bark.

“Nothing,” Honeymaren answered quickly, not looking at her, and confirming Elsa’s suspicions that something was, in fact, wrong.

“Come on,” she prompted. “Look at you, something happened. Did you find something out when you were talking to Yelena?”

_About me?_

Because that was what she had been asking about. Elsa steeled herself, and promised that she wouldn’t react negatively to anything that Honeymaren told her- no matter what it was.

“I didn’t find out anything,” Honeymaren said, and Elsa was surprised to hear the honesty in her voice.

She smiled down at her, hoping to exude some reassurance to her friend. “Well something happened, and I’m not going to make you tell me, but I think you’ll feel better if you do.”

That did the trick. Honeymaren seemed to melt out of her board-like state. She wilted, and Elsa’s eyebrows knit together in concern. 

“The only person who knows anything relating to the fifth spirit, or humans with elemental powers in general is, apparently, my mother.”

Elsa’s eyes widened. She knew that Honeymaren’s mother was alive but had never met her. It was the one thing that Honeymaren never talked about, and Elsa had never brought it up. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Honeymaren and her mother didn’t get along, but for what reason she didn’t know.

“Your mother, huh?”

Honeymaren walked over to where Elsa was sprawled in the tree and leaned up against it. She wasn’t facing Elsa, but her head was directly below her and she resisted the urge to stroke her hair.

“I’d have to talk to her if we want to learn about you.”

Then Elsa did reach down to tug Honeymaren’s braid gently, hearing despair in the tone of her voice. She didn’t know what it was about Honeymaren’s mother that made her friend feel this way, but she already hated her for it.

“Then maybe we don’t,” Elsa offered, still lightly holding Honeymaren’s braid. “Who knows if it would even make a difference?”

Honeymaren shook her head. “I think we need to, though. Understanding our enemies’ motives will help us. And I have this _feeling_ that their motives might have something to do with your powers.”

She looked up at Elsa, sadly. “Don’t worry. I’m going to talk to her. I just… needed a moment.”

Elsa stared down at her, into the eyes of the bravest woman she’d ever met. The woman who now was reduced to a nervous wreck at the thought of the woman who had raised her. 

“No,” she said at last. “You’re wrong. _We’re_ going to do it.”

She hopped down from the tree with a note of finality.

“No, Elsa, you can’t.” Honeymaren said, and if possible, the thought of Elsa going with her seemed to fill her eyes with even more panic. “You don’t understand. I don’t want...”

Elsa waited for her to say more, but she seemed finished. 

_Didn’t want what? Elsa to see her mother? Her mother to see Elsa?_

Elsa raised her eyebrows in question, and Honeymaren sighed. “I would prefer if you didn’t. She’s not a good person, and it would be better if you just stayed away from her.”

“Why?.” Elsa stepped forward, not accepting the cryptic answer. “I can handle her, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

She knew she shouldn’t push her, but there wasn’t a way in hell that she was going to allow Honeymaren to go alone when she obviously didn’t want to. And she always felt like it was Honeymaren who was helping her, and she was ready, _so_ ready, to reverse those roles.

“I know you could,” Honeymaren waved a hand tiredly, and stared everywhere but at Elsa. “I just… don’t want you to see that part of me, okay?”

Her words were rushed as if she wanted to get them out as fast as possible.

Elsa stepped even closer so that their height difference was made evident. “ _What_ part of you, Maren?”

Honeymaren stared at Elsa’s feet, refusing to look her in the eyes. “The part of me I am when I’m around her.”

She looked so helpless and lost in that moment that Elsa wanted to reach out and touch her to keep her grounded to the earth- so she did.

“Honeymaren,” she said softly, and reached for her, tilting her chin upwards so that Honeymaren would have no choice but to look at her. “There isn’t a part of you that isn’t justified and not a single part of you that isn’t beautiful to me. There are some people in our lives that bring out parts of us that we don’t like, but that doesn’t mean that those parts of ourselves are ugly or wrong or invalid. It just means that we are struggling to be our best selves when we around those whose only purpose in life is to bring others down.”

She didn’t know where the words came from. She only knew that she didn’t think she had ever said something so right in her life or something that rang so much truth within her. She smiled at Honeymaren, a genuine, comforting smile, and she could have sworn that her friend’s eyes filled with tears.

“The way I see it,” Elsa continued, still not releasing her hold on Honeymaren’s face, “you have two choices. Either, you let me come with you, and we go together. Or, you don’t go at all. Because I am not going to allow you to go somewhere that you don’t want to go for _me._ ”

“Besides,” she added with a small shrug, and blushed slightly. “You might need someone to freeze her if she gets out of hand, and who else is going to do that if I don’t go?”

Honeymaren ducked out of Elsa’s hold and let out a small laugh. Elsa politely looked away as her friend wiped at her eyes. “You would never do something like that.”

“I _would,_ ” Elsa assured her. “I already have.”

“When?” Honeymaren demanded, and Elsa was relieved to see that the normal mischievous glint in her eyes was back. 

“Last night, I froze my date to a chair,” she admitted, and immediately, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her chest.

“No…” gasped Honeymaren incredulously, her eyes widened in shock. “You didn’t!”

“I did, and I’d do it again,” Elsa said truthfully. “He was an asshole. See what I said about bad people bringing out the worst in us?”

Honeymaren threw back her head and laughed. Elsa’s heart warmed considerably, and she smiled along with her. 

“I wouldn’t call that ‘bringing out the worst in you’,” Honeymaren told her. “I’d call that bringing out the badass in you.”

Elsa laughed. “I’m in a lot of trouble.”

Honeymaren grinned and nudged her. “Worth it. I’m sure he deserved whatever it was.”

“Do you now?” Elsa drawled, looking at her beneath heavily lidded eyes.

She shrugged. “I trust your judgement.”

Elsa was giddy in her relief and was surprised to see that Honeymaren looked unreasonably relieved as well. She tried not to think about that too hard.

“You need to tell me what happened,” Honeymaren said suddenly, grasping Elsa’s hands in hers.

Elsa feigned nonchalance and shrugged airily. “Maybe sometime.”

“Maybe _now_!”

“Someone’s impatient…”

“Yes, me!”

Giving in, Elsa recounted the events of last night. Though she was glad to get them off her chest, she was even happier to distract Honeymaren from whatever she was feeling as they drifted further and further into the Enchanted Forest. 

Honeymaren reacted appropriately, scowling and, at points, outright gasping. When Elsa told her about how she had imprisoned Henrik in a block of ice, she let out a low whistle.

Elsa couldn’t help but feel that in a sea of worries, conflicts, and everything else that had accumulated over the past 24 hours, one thing had been made right. Elsa knew that she would have to face the consequences of what she had done sometime soon, but seeing as the one person whose opinion truly mattered to Elsa had not judged her or hated her after hearing what she had done, she wasn’t too worried about what was to come in regards to her terrible date. 

“It was my sister’s idea.” Elsa continued her tale, tilting her face up to the sky and letting the snow flakes fall on her cheeks and forehead. “She’s been wanting me to date, so she’s setting me up with people.”

“And is that what you want?” Honeymaren’s question was asked carefully- almost too carefully.

Elsa was quiet for a long moment. “No.”

Saying the word felt like being set free, and she could have sworn that when she said it, the corners of Honeymaren’s mouth lifted. 

“Then why?” 

Elsa shook her head. “It’s complicated.”

She didn’t want to tell Honeymaren about their deal because she didn’t want to make her feel bad. It was Honeymaren after all, that had begged Elsa to get the books and maps that would teach them about territorial boundaries and laws and such. She didn’t want to make her feel any more than the apprehension that she was already feeling at visiting her mother. After all, the closer they got to wherever it was that Honeymaren was leading her, the more her earlier anxiety seemed to make a reappearance and weigh on her.

“Will you tell me about her family?” she asked as a way to possibly distract Honeymaren and to change the subject. She figured the topic was no longer taboo seeing as they were going to meet Honeymaren’s mother right then.

“What do you want to know?” Honeymaren asked her, looking at her in a way that made Elsa aware that she knew Elsa was avoiding answering her question. 

The snow had picked up in the last hour and though Elsa felt perfectly comfortable, Honeymaren was practically shivering and whether that was from anxiety or the cold, Elsa wished that she could somehow warm her up. She figured, though, that anything she did would probably make it worse. 

“How is Ryder’s relationship with your mother?” Elsa asked, figuring that she could start there.

Honeymaren shook her head. “She’s not his mother.”

Elsa was surprised. She guessed she had assumed that they had come from the same family and had never had a reason to think otherwise.

“So is he…?”

“My half brother, yes,” Honeymaren said. “We have the same father. He died a couple of years after Ryder was born.”

Elsa had known that, but she offered her condolences anyway. Honeymaren waved her hand. “Not a big deal. Neither of us remember him very well anyway. And as we always say, he must not have been a very great man to have been with my mother.”

“He _did_ leave her though, didn’t he? If Ryder’s mother is different from yours?”

“Eventually. But it doesn’t excuse that he was with my mother to begin with.”

Elsa was surprised to hear the resentment in her voice. “You don’t believe people should get second chances?”

Honeymaren was silent, and Elsa realized that she didn’t think her _father_ should get a second chance.

“Tell me about Ryder’s mother,” she said then, quickly redirecting the conversation.

“She was alright. I don’t think she ever liked me, or how close I was with Ryder, but you could never get that just by looking at her. She died, too, a while ago. Suicide.”

Elsa was horrified. “What happened?”

Honeymaren reached out and squeezed her hand. She didn’t let go. “It’s how a lot of people used to go. They tried to cover it up from the children, obviously, but we all know it. I think it was the trapped feeling that resulted from the mist. It wasn’t as easy as the other Northuldra might have you believe.”

She was right, Elsa never would have guessed the amount of hardships the Northuldra had gone through before the mist came down. They all seemed so positive and… happy. They seemed happy.

“It’s not as bad as you’re thinking,” Honeymaren told her, as if sensing her thoughts. “For the most part, things were really good. Not to brag or anything, but I think we’ve all grown quite adept at facing whatever is thrown at is. Doesn’t mean it’s easy, but we’re getting better at it.”

Elsa silently agreed. She felt a stab of pride move through her as she reflected on all that the Northuldra had gone through- being betrayed by her grandfather to living trapped to now facing discrimination. 

Her pride for Honeymaren was even greater. She felt guilty that she hadn’t known much about the woman’s childhood before now, hadn’t known all that she had been through. But Honeymaren had gotten through it and had grown into someone that found a sense of belonging through her people, remained positive, kind-hearted, and burned brighter than anyone she had ever met. She’d faced all that life had thrown at her and had come came out on the other side someone who Elsa was proud to know, and was living proof that one’s past did not define them. 

“You good?” Honeymaren said now, squeezing her hand again and smiling at her. 

Elsa was surprised to find herself slightly choked up, and all she managed back was a smile that she hoped would convey even half of the thoughts within her. 

Honeymaren smiled back weakly and gestured before them. “We’re here.”

* * *

Honeymaren had never bothered to ask if the reason her mother lived out in the middle of the forest alone was because she had been exiled there or because she had wanted it. She wouldn’t be surprised either way. Whatever the reason was, it didn’t matter now, and beneath all of Honeymaren’s apprehension and dread at seeing her childhood hellhole again, she didn’t have much room to think of it.

Honeymaren’s mother lived in the side of a large hill, the only sign of the house being a plain wooden door in the front of the hill.

She stepped up to it now and lifted her hand to knock, trying to calm herself with her thoughts.

_Elsa is here with you. She is proof that everything is different._ You’re _the one in control now._

Despite her mental pep talk, her hand still shook, and she couldn’t get herself to do it. Then, suddenly, a pale hand knocked just above hers, loudly and confidently.

Honeymaren looked up, startled, and saw Elsa giving her a tiny nod, letting her know that she was going to help her in every way that she could. The gesture filled Honeymaren with strength. 

“Go away, I’m not interested,” came a loud, slurred voice from inside the hill. 

Honeymaren sighed internally and turned back to Elsa, grimacing apologetically. She was suddenly worried that she hadn’t prepared her enough for what she was going to find when they opened the door. She wished she had prepped her, so Elsa knew beforehand whether she wanted to run away and never look back. But Elsa only raised her eyebrows and placed a hand on the small of Honeymaren’s back, letting her know she wasn’t leaving. Not yet, at least. 

“It’s Honeymaren,” she called back. “Open the door, we need to talk.”

The words coming from inside were grumbled and unintelligible, and Honeymaren was glad for it. A moment later, the door swung open revealing a short woman who looked far older than she was. Her skin was saggy, her eyes bloodshot. Her mouth was twisted into a permanent scowl and as always- she reeked of alcohol.

She sized the two women at her doorway up, and her eyes widened when they fell on Elsa. Honeymaren resisted the urge to step in front of her and guard her from her mother.

Deciding the entourage at her door met her standards, Honeymaren’s mother stood aside and motioned that they enter. Honeymaren went first, and the sight of her childhood home unchanged sent a prickle down her spine. The home in the hill managed a small, cluttered feeling, but none of the homey, cozy feel that one would expect.

Empty bottles and dirty dishes cluttered every shadowed surface. The fire place was dark and empty and the only source of light came from a single lantern at the center of the table. The flame flickered through its grimy glass casing and added to the creepy feeling. 

Honeymaren snuck a look back at Elsa, waiting to see her features twist in disgust, but they didn’t. She only turned to Honeymaren and gestured to the fireplace. 

“Help me make a fire,” she told her. “You’re cold.”

“I’m fine,” Honeymaren objected, but she was grateful to busy herself with loading the wood into the fireplace as it gave her something to do with her shaking hands.

Her mother stood against the wall the entire time they worked on the fire, her arms crossed. Honeymaren could feel her eyes boring into her, even if she didn’t say anything. 

“Stand back,” Honeymaren told Elsa and used the lantern on the table and a twig to start a roaring fire. The warmth and light that filled the place was instantaneous and Honeymaren felt somewhat better. Elsa shot her a little smirk, as if she could sense it. 

The little gesture acted as a reminder of Elsa’s story about the date she’d had. The fact that she hadn’t _wanted_ it. The fact that she hadn’t enjoyed it at all. Had it been any other time, Honeymaren would have felt weightless with joy. Now, she shoved the thought deep inside of herself and told herself that she’d only be allowed to think of it when they both got out of her mother’s house alive.

Then as one, they both rose and faced the scowling woman in the corner who had grabbed yet another bottle sometime when Honeymaren hadn’t been looking and held it clutched by the neck in her small fist.

“I never thought they’d let me meet you,” rasped her mother. 

Neither Elsa nor Honeymaren moved as she walked slowly to the other side of the table and approached Elsa. Elsa made no move to stop her as the woman picked up a strand of her hair between her thumb and forefinger, inspecting it.

“Iduna’s daughter…” she mused. Elsa stiffened, and Honeymaren felt herself tense alongside her. 

“You look so much like her. Besides, of course, your hair. I wonder, is it genetic? Or rather, a product of your powers?” She asked, a slow, horrible smile spreading across her features revealing yellowed teeth.

She released the strand of Elsa’s hair and then began tracing a line down Elsa’s chest with a single nail.

“Don’t touch her.” The words exploded from Honeymaren, seemingly of their own accord, and they both looked at her, surprised.

Her mother withdrew her finger and let out a single, low laugh as she looked between them. When she next spoke, she continued to address Elsa as if she were the only person in the room. 

“How did someone like you end up with someone like my failure of a daughter?”

Honeymaren couldn’t stifle her groan. She didn’t even try. 

“Here we go again!” she cried loudly. “That lasted what, two minutes?”

Elsa coughed, and Honeymaren had no idea if she was trying to communicate, hiding a laugh, or just coughing.

“Do you even know her secret?” Honeymaren’s mother whispered conspiratorially to Elsa.

“No talking about my secrets.” Honeymaren rolled her eyes keeping her voice in the emotionless drawl that she had perfected over many years. 

Her mother only laughed and turned to Elsa again. “I can tell you her secret.”

Elsa’s tone was cold. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“I’m sure you don’t. Wouldn’t want your friendship to be ruined, after all. Friendship, or…? Am I mistaken?”

Honeymaren’s skin went cold but she willed herself not to show it.

“We’re friends,” Elsa said, her face the epitome of confusion. 

“And what would you say, my dear?” Her mother leered at Honeymaren.

“We’re _friends, mother._ But it’s really none of your damn business, so sit down, shut up, and listen because we’re wasting time being here,” she snapped.

Her blood was already running hot, and everything was brightly in focus, sharp-edged and clear like the blade of a knife. She could feel herself drifting into the person she had told Elsa she was so afraid to become. But she couldn’t help it.

Her mother looked unaffected and chuckled to herself. “This is interesting indeed.”

But to Honeymaren’s relief, she pulled out a chair at the table and sat down waving a hand. “Do tell me what you so _desperately_ need,” she said, smirking at both of them.

Honeymaren wanted to punch the stupid smile right off of her face, especially when she took a long swig from the bottle in her hand. The image was all too familiar. 

Elsa sent her a quick look and pulled out a chair at the table for her before taking her own. Honeymaren was too angry to comprehend what she might have meant by it, but she took the chair and folded her hands tightly in front of her.

“What do you know about the fifth spirit?” she asked, cutting right to the chase.

“Probably more than she knows about herself,” her mother shot back, taking another long drink. 

If Elsa seemed uncomfortable by the statement she didn’t show it. Instead, she leaned forward and propped up her face in her hand. “Would you be willing to share some of that information with us?”

“In exchange for?”

“I’m _sorry_?” Honeymaren blurted out. 

“You heard me, girl. I’m going to need something in exchange, obviously.”

“No, not obviously! Just tell us what you know like any decent person would do, and we can get out of here, and I’ll leave you alone.”

Her mother feigned a sad look. “Oh, but I don’t want you to leave me alone. I miss you. I wish you would come home. Maybe that’s what I want. A weekly visit from my daughter.”

Honeymaren saw red. “Don’t even _pretend_ like you care about me.”

The only reason her mother would ask that was because she knew that Honeymaren having to visit her weekly would make her absolutely miserable. But deep down, she knew that she would agree if she had to. She would do it for Elsa. She was pretty sure that her mother knew it, too.

She jumped when a hand as cold as ice was placed upon her own hands underneath the table. 

“I don’t think that will be necessary,” Elsa said smoothly. To anyone else, she seemed calm and unruffled, but when Honeymaren looked at her, she saw the lethal cold anger beneath her serene features.

“And what do you propose?” If anything, her mother just looked amused.

“A demonstration,” Elsa replied, and squeezed Honeymaren’s hands gently before retracting her own.

“A demonstration of magic…” The old woman’s eyes lit up with greed, understanding automatically. “How often?”

“Once.” Honeymaren said firmly. She knew that Elsa could do her magic in her sleep, but there was a part of her that didn’t want her mother to have anything of Elsa’s. The thought of it made her sick. 

“There’s not much that I can’t do within a single session,” Elsa added quickly. ‘So it would be impractical to not just do it all in one.”

Her mother looked like she wanted to say something else, but she only slapped a hand on the table. “Fine. What do you ladies want to know?”

They had gotten her on a _really_ good day, and Honeymaren jumped on the opportunity.

“What would be the benefit of taking the fifth spirit’s life?” she asked.

Her mother’s eyes widened. “Is that what’s been going on?”

“Answer the question.”

The old woman took a long drink- much longer than she needed to before setting the bottle down and hiccuping. 

“It’s a pretty common myth that if you kill a human with elemental powers, you gain those powers. Surprised you didn’t know.” she shrugged, as if it didn’t matter, and took yet another drink.

Honeymaren’s heart skipped, and judging by Elsa’s expression, hers did too. It was exactly as she had feared- and it made perfect sense. She wouldn’t be surprised at all if that was the reasoning of the hunters. 

“Is that true?” Honeymaren said quietly.

Her mother shrugged again. “No. Well, not exactly. Your friend here would have to voluntarily give her life for her powers to be passed on. If she was just killed, nothing would happen.”

Honeymaren’s relief was tangible. She didn’t know she was holding her breath until it escaped her in a loud rush. All they had to do was somehow get it out there that Elsa had to willingly give her life, and people would give up- theoretically. There were a lot of kinks to work out, but Honeymaren’s mind was already whirling, planning and working its way through various scenarios. It might not solve the problem, but it was a start. And she could work with that.

“Elsa, come on,” she said. “We’re done here.”

“Was that all?” her mother smiled again, giving Honeymaren the impression, as she always did, that she hadn’t accomplished anything at all.

“Yep,” Honeymaren said, and held out her hand to help Elsa out of her chair.

“It was nice to meet you, El-sa,” her mother sang, her grin widening. She resembled a spider who had caught a fly in its web. 

Elsa only nodded in her direction before taking Honeymaren’s hand and standing up with her to leave.

They were almost to the door when Honeymaren’s mother spoke again her speech slurred. “I could tell you so much more, if you’d like.”

Elsa stopped, her hand falling out of Honeymaren’s. She turned, expressionless.

“Have you ever wondered if your children, should you have them, will be blessed with your powers? Or if your lifespan is longer or shorter than a regular human? Maybe you’ve been wondering how far you can go with your powers before you hit a wall? Or what would happen if you hit that wall?”

She smiled and waved a hand airily. “How about your mother? Iduna was such a lovely girl; it’s a shame she died so soon. I know things about her that would make your hair go white. Oh… wait.”

Elsa had gone completely still, and Honeymaren cursed under her breath. Of course her mother wasn’t going to let Elsa fall out of her grasp. Honeymaren knew that if she were Elsa, such offers of information would be hard to refuse. If she were Elsa, she would be dying to know. It was why she stayed silent. She wouldn’t judge Elsa if she chose to accept the offers, because she wasn’t sure that she would be able to refuse. She hated, actually _hated_ her mother for putting Elsa in such a position. 

“I don’t care,” Elsa said, suddenly.

Honeymaren eyes widened dramatically, and for a moment, her mother’s features twisted in disgust, revealing what was no doubt within her, but within an instant, she was back to wearing that pleasant, leering smile.

“Don’t you?”

“No,” Elsa went on. “And you’re the last person I think I’d care to hear it from.”

And with a flick of her wrist, she blasted the door open and walked out while her mother called after her that she was still owed a demonstration.

Honeymaren stood in the doorway for a moment longer, looking at the drunk woman before her that had made her life so miserable. For an instant, she was able to see the woman that Elsa must have seen- a pathetic, drunk old hag. She wondered how she allowed such a woman to control her life as she had, even after she had moved out ten years ago. But the memories reminded her- a woman who tore her secret out of her and made her hate herself for it. A woman who had threatened her with that secret, and continued to do so. A woman who never strayed far from the bottle and who would scream at her daughter for sometimes hours at end, throwing things and telling her how weak she was. 

She knew that a part of her would always be afraid and angry and upset. But maybe it was time to move on. To perhaps see her mother in a different way- as what she really was. To understand that the only person who held control over her was herself, as long as she allowed it to be that way.

So Honeymaren shut the door behind her, and turned her back on the woman within. Then she went after the new woman in her life- the one who made her believe. 

* * *

Elsa shook with anger. She couldn’t imagine how Honeymaren had grown up with such a woman. She couldn’t imagine living in that dark little house while her mother drank and drank- where did she even get all that alcohol? She couldn’t imagine being manipulated every day of her life- and she had no idea what countless horrors that Honeymaren had gone through. But by looking at Honeymaren, no one would ever be able to tell the life that she had lived. 

There was a pretty thick layer of snow on the ground, and Elsa stomped through it, kicking it up as she went. Ice sparked at her fingertips. 

“Sometimes,” called Honeymaren’s voice coming from behind her.

Elsa whirled around, forgetting that she was practically leaving without her.

“I get terrified that someday, I’m going to turn into her,” Honeymaren finished. 

She looked up to the sky, appearing lost and sad as she delivered the truth to Elsa- something Elsa figured she had never told anyone else. It was a new side to Honeymaren, one that Elsa had never seen before. An open, vulnerable, and raw side beneath her tough outer layer. Elsa didn’t think she had ever seen anything so beautiful.

Elsa strode towards her, her steps wide and purposeful. She jabbed a finger into Honeymaren’s chest, on the left side.

“You know this thing?” she murmured. 

“My boob?” Honeymaren smiled, and Elsa could sense her relief that they were out of the house.

“Your _heart,_ ” Elsa corrected her warmly. “You have the loveliest heart I have ever encountered. And that is all the proof you need to have to know that you will _never_ end up like her. Not ever.”

“Oh, Elsa,” whispered Honeymaren, and her voice cracked. 

And within an instant, Elsa was pulled into the tightest hug she had ever experienced. Honeymaren splayed one hand firmly against her back and twined the other in her hair. Elsa returned the hug and melted into it, pulling Honeymaren against her as tight as she could.

“She’s rather terrible,” whispered Elsa.

“I know.” Honeymaren’s voice was choked, and Elsa thought she was crying. “I’m so sorry. That she said all that to you. Did all that to you.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Elsa dismissed her words, and stroked her back gently. “You had to _live_ with her. I don’t understand how you did.”

“I don’t think I do, either.” Honeymaren whispered back. “But somehow, I managed.”

“You did,” Elsa whispered back, and if possible, clung to her even tighter. “You did.”

The snow continued to fall without ceasing as the pair stood there, holding each other like two boats tied together in a tumultuous storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!! I hope that this year treats you all well :)  
> I want to say that the next chapter will be lighter than these last few, but I'm not entirely sure that it will be?? Idk, we'll see.  
> Thank you for reading <3


	10. Letters, Laws, and Long Ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Before you begin reading, I would like to direct your attention to the added tags! I want to offer a quick warning that this opening scene has the potential to be very upsetting and contains themes of homophobia and forced self-deprecation so that you are not caught unaware. This should only be the case for the first scene.

_ Eleven Years Ago _

“I knew there was something wrong with you,” her mother hissed. Her tone was slurred, her eyes unfocused. Honeymaren normally would have tried to argue, or would have stood up for herself, but today she didn’t have it in her. 

She knew what would happen if she talked back, and even though her brother’s voice echoed in her head telling her to be strong, she didn’t feel strong today. Today, she would take it. Maybe it would be over faster if she did.

“You know what they call people like you? Disgusting. Because it’s disgusting.”

Her mother let out a low laugh and brandished her bottle, basically an extension of her arm, like a weapon. Some liquid sloshed out and splashed onto the already stained floorboards of their stupid little house.

_ You can come stay with me, y’know. Maybe we could build a tent together,  _ Ryder had told her, but Honeymaren had only shook her head.

_ No way our moms would allow it,  _ she had told him shutting down his idea.

But still within her it lived, and she dreamed for a day where she could leave and go live with her brother. Or alone. Or anywhere else but with her mother in their stupid, stupid, house. She was fourteen. She was almost old enough to do so.

“Did you know it?”

Honeymaren looked back at her mother, her eyes dead. “Know what?”

Her mother kicked a chair and sent it spiraling across the floor. “That girls like you who love other girls are vile, disgusting human beings.”

Honeymaren closed her eyes and let the words roll off of her. Sometimes it was easier, but her mother was now targeting a part of herself that she had been insecure about to begin with, and it wasn’t as easy to pass off the words as a being part of a drunken rant.

“Okay,” she said, hoping that if she agreed, her mother would give in.

“Okay?” her mother sneered at her and leaned closer. Her breath stank of alcohol. “I want you to say it, girl. Tell me what you are.”

She was too worn out to even feel angry. She just felt tired, cold, and sad. 

Her mother slammed a hand on the table. “SAY IT.”

_ Just do it, and she’ll leave you alone. You don’t have to believe it. Not truly. Just say it. _

“I…”

_ Not true, not true, not true. _

“What was that? I didn’t catch it.”

Her mother was smiling now, in that cruel, cunning way that she always did when she knew that she had won.

“I am disgusting.” Honeymaren forced the words out. They tasted bitter on her tongue, and her eyes stung with unshed tears. 

Her mother laughed. “Damn right you are, girl. Now go outside. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

Honeymaren stood up and raced to the door, eager to escape. To go find some far off stump to cry on, where no one could see her and how weak she was. 

_ Not true, not true, not true. _

She repeated the words to herself as she raced through the woods. As if they would make a difference.

* * *

_ Eleven Months Ago _

Anna,

Today, a group of your people marched into our camp and pillaged our belongings and harassed my people. Within minutes, we were able to force them out and minimal damage was caused. Despite this fact, this current arrangement will not stand. I understand that you have just taken the crown, but I urge you to find a solution that will keep my people from harm. I know that this was not an issue while the mist existed, but now that it is gone, and everyone has free reign of the Enchanted Forest, some boundaries for your people must be set. I am willing to negotiate with you to come to a solution. May we congratulate you on your crowning.

-Yelena

Yelena,

On behalf of my people, I am very sorry that this incident has occurred. I have been searching for laws that may prevent this sort of thing from happening, but as it hasn’t been an issue for thirty years, I am not finding one. It is actually rather curious- I would expect there to be some laws in place regarding matters such as these. While I continue to search, I have come to this resolution which I assure you is temporary. I know that your people are a travelling kind and you do not tend to stay in a single area. However, while I get this figured out, I ask that you set a more permanent camp in a place of your choosing. If you maintain a permanent camp, I will be able to prevent any sort of people from venturing to it as the existing law will be on your side. I once again assure you that this is a temporary solution. It should not take me more than a year to come up with a permanent solution that will allow you to live as you please without interference from citizens of Arendelle. I am deeply sorry to inconvenience you in this way. Also, any information that you have on previous laws regarding these matters would be greatly appreciated.

Yours,

Queen Anna of Arendelle  
  


Dear Queen Anna,

According to the official Map of Arendelle Territory and Boundaries, the entirety of the Enchanted Forest is within our territory. It is understood that we were unable to access a majority of it because of that mist, but in all technicality, everything in the Enchanted Forest belongs to us. Now you’re saying that we have to stay out of a specific part of it because a group of indigenous people live there? This territory belongs to us. With all due respect, we should be able to venture wherever we please as the Enchanted Forest belongs to us. You should kick out the Northuldra, they don’t belong here.

Sincerely,

Alexander

* * *

_ Present Day _

“The way I see it,” Honeymaren began as she leaned forward, her face illuminated by the campfire, “we have two separate issues.”

“One being the fact that people are probably trying to kill me, though for the wrong reasons,” Elsa reasons.

“And two being the territorial issues that we’re having.” Honeymaren finished for her.

It was like the night they had met, both of them sitting cross-legged in the dirt, warming themselves by the campfire. Except this time, instead of a reindeer between them, there was a year and a multitude of secrets, plots, and unexplainable feelings. The day the two of them had sung a lullaby together after Elsa and Honeymaren examined Iduna’s scarf felt an eternity away. 

“If we work on one of the issues it might give us some help with the other,” Honeymaren murmured over the crackling of the campfire.

The sun had set not long after the pair had made it back to the valley after their visit with Honeymaren’s mother. It had stopped snowing, but the air remained bitter and chill- and Elsa could tell it was getting colder by the minute. Honeymaren’s nose was pink and Elsa wanted to tell her to move closer to the fire, but she resisted the urge.

“I doubt whoever is trying to kill me is going to abide by the rules,” Elsa pointed out instead. “If that’s what you’re saying.”

“I am, and that is true,” Honeymaren allowed and resituated, folding her legs beneath herself. “But if by some chance there is some sort of law, then legally, we can arrest anyone who ventures into our territory. That way, we can use the law to our advantage.”

Elsa sighed and nodded, having already thought of it. “I’ve been reading, Maren, and the thing is, I can’t find anything, and I mean anything on laws about territory and things like that. Like what to do if there is some sort of conflict between the Northuldra and Arendelle citizens, or what old territory lines even were. It’s almost strange. There should be  _ something. _ ”

Maren nodded, as if she had expected that and Elsa felt a pang of guilt. “It was worth a shot. Let’s start with what we do know.”

Honeymaren reminded her of her own former strategists at the castle when she was queen. Her eyes sparkled in the same cunning way and Elsa could see the gears turning behind them as she mapped out possibilities and sorted through information rapidly even as she seemed calm on the outside.

Elsa nodded. “Legally, on a map, all territory belongs to Arendelle including the entirety of the Enchanted Forest. But it doesn’t even make sense, I don’t-”

Honeymaren held up a hand, urging her to be quiet. “Anna has allowed us the valley as our territory temporarily, even though it is in our nature to travel from one place to the next. No one is technically allowed within our area without repercussions.”

“But that doesn’t help us in terms of the reindeer incident because we don’t know where we were,” Elsa added, and Honeymaren nodded in agreement. “Or who else was even with us and fired those three arrows.”

“Right. And you can’t find a single mention of how things used to be?”

Elsa shook her head. She hadn’t. Even in  _ A History of Arendelle Law,  _ she hadn’t found anything related to the Northuldra. It was indeed quite strange. 

“Well,” Elsa began, thinking aloud. “How were things before the mist? I know there was a lot of conflict between the Northuldra and my grandfather. Was that the case with former rulers?”

She winced as she said the words, not wanting to call the wicked man “her” anything.

Honeymaren sighed in answer. “Tensions were definitely escalating at that point, especially since Arendelle was expanding so much. They wanted more territory than they had. They wanted the forest to hunt and to fish and whatever the hell else.”

“But the Northuldra lived there,” Elsa put in, her mind whirling to put together the pieces.

“Right,” Honeymaren said, “we did. And tensions rose so much that your grandfather’s plan was to wipe us all out and assimilate the women and children into Arendelle. That way, all the territory would be yours.”

“What?” Elsa gasped. “How do you know that?”

Honeymaren sighed again. She looked tired in that moment. Tired and sad. “I don’t, Elsa. But why else would he have done it?”

Elsa’s mind was whirling, and she felt sick. “I thought that he was afraid of the magic.”

“Sure he was. And he also wanted all this territory for himself.”

“No…”

“Yes, Elsa. Who do you think lived here first? Us, or people from Arendelle?”

Elsa was silent. 

“Us,” Honeymaren answered for her. “It shouldn’t have even been a question of who got what land. But your ancestors took what they felt they needed, and then they were never satisfied. They took all they wanted, and kept taking.”

Elsa stared at her. The truth had been there all along, she knew. She just had never seen it. Had refused to see it. Had refused to put the pieces together.

“My guess?” Honeymaren went on. She stared into the fire now, her eyes cold and bitter. Elsa didn’t blame her.

“Obviously, things didn’t go according to your grandfather’s plan. So while we were trapped in the mist, he signed the papers himself, leasing all the territory to himself and Arendelle.”

“He can’t-” Elsa started and stopped, sputtering as she searched for words. “That’s not-”

“Allowed?” Honeymaren offered. “Who says? The king?”

Elsa fell silent once again. 

“No one would have stood against him. We were all trapped away in the magical, all-saving mist.” Her words were laced with fire.

“It’s why there are no records,” Elsa said, realization sparking. “Of anything. He didn’t want the public to know what he had done, or how things used to be. He must have taken them out of the books. Or-”

“That’s my guess,” Honeymaren said wryly. “Your sister is a good person. She knows what she sees. All this territory is legally Arendelle’s. But still, she gives us this valley. It’s more than the law says she can, or has, to do, technically.”

“She  _ can  _ fix it,” Elsa said suddenly. “This territory is rightfully yours. She can just give it back.”

Honeymaren scoffed. “Sure. And she can tell your people she just shrank their territory by more than half. They won’t allow it, not without a fight.”

“That’s not right,” Elsa repeated stupidly, disgusted at herself for reasons she wasn’t quite comprehending. 

“I know,” Honeymaren said, and finally looked her in the eyes. Her own brown eyes were filled with pain, a pain Elsa had never known or experienced. The pain of being oppressed, and not being able to speak out against any of the unjustness or unfairness of it all.

“I’m still going to tell her,” Elsa said quietly, not ready to give up. 

Then she turned to Honeymaren, asking the question as it popped into her mind. As she realized the mist had been down for a year and they still hadn’t discussed it. Honeymaren had never brought it up. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“I didn’t know for sure,” Honeymaren said. “I still don’t. I just held onto hope that maybe it wasn’t true. But I think we both know it is. It makes sense. And I guess I didn’t want to tell you because…”

_ Because you’re one of them. _

“Elsa, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You have every right to feel that way.”

“But I shouldn’t have. I should have trusted you. You have no idea how grateful I am for you, please don’t think that I think you’re like them. Like your grandfather.”

“I don’t,” Elsa told her and leaned forward, grasping her hands. “You didn’t want to feel like you were accusing me. But I am one of them, whether I like it or not. I lived on stolen territory. I  _ ruled _ over it. I understand.”

Honeymaren shook her head helplessly, her eyes flashing with unspoken concurrence that Elsa did understand- as much as she was able to.

“I  _ will  _ talk to my sister,” Elsa promised fiercely, knowing not where to go but onward. “This isn’t fair, and I’m not going to accept it.”

Honeymaren squeezed her hands, pushing her warmth into Elsa’s. “You  _ have  _ to accept it, Elsa. That’s just how it is. How it’s always been and always will be. Besides, your sister probably already knows.”

Once again, Elsa was hit with the truth. That it had taken her far longer than it should have for her to realize it- that even her own sister had known… and hadn’t told her?

“She would have told me.”

“You sound  _ so  _ unsure of that,” Honeymaren said and raised her eyebrows, though her eyes shone with sympathy.

Elsa felt herself dissolve. “I’m so stupid,” she groaned and slumped forwards.

Honeymaren caught her by her shoulders, her fingers digging hard into Elsa’s skin and Elsa looked up, caught by surprise. She met Honeymaren’s warm, golden brown eyes not far from her own.

“You’re  _ not  _ stupid. And I don’t blame you. Not one bit.”

“You have every right to,” Elsa whispered, realizing more every second how close their faces were. And how silent it was. The only sound was the crackling of the wood burning beside them.

“Well, I don’t. Look, don’t let this eat you. We’ve had quite the day already. And now that we’ve established this, we can move on.”

Elsa didn’t feel ready to move on. The more she learned, the more she felt weighed down. She had figured things couldn’t get any worse- after her date last night. And so much had happened between now and then that she didn’t know what to do with herself.

“Elsa,” Honeymaren said and motioned that Elsa look right into her eyes, so she did. “We can get through this. I know we can.”

Elsa bit her lip. “There’s just so much-”

She cut off abruptly as Honeymaren leaned forward, still holding Elsa in place by her shoulders, and gently pressed her lips to Elsa’s forehead. Elsa immediately felt hot tingles rush through her body that lingered even as Honeymaren slowly pulled away.

“We’ve got this. You hear?” Honeymaren asked her, a hint of a smile playing on her mouth.

Elsa was too startled to even breathe. It was as though her body had completely iced over. Honeymaren didn’t seem unaffected, either. She rubbed the back of her neck- a gesture Elsa had never seen before- and Elsa was pretty sure that she was blushing, but the stars didn’t provide enough light for her to tell.

“Anyway, I’m going to head back to my tent,” Honeymaren went on, as if nothing had happened. “You should too; we have a big day tomorrow. We’re meeting your sister, right?”

Elsa nodded, not trusting herself to speak- and instantly scolded herself. She needed to get herself together. She couldn’t figure out why her heart was pounding so much or why she felt rather limp. 

As she watched Honeymaren walk away, she wondered how it was possible that even though her mind was crammed with all sorts of thoughts about the last 24 hours and all their findings, Honeymaren still occupied her mind in a way that she would rather not think about. Couldn’t  _ afford  _ to think about. But even as she told herself to stop and to pull herself together, her feelings only managed to intensify. 

* * *

Honeymaren didn’t go to her tent. Not first, anyway. She found her feet moving in a familiar direction- towards her brother’s tent. She let out a sigh through her nose that resulted in a puff of cold air. It was only natural that she wanted to see him. She always did after visiting her mother. Old habits died hard.

She reached her brother’s tent and allowed herself to duck inside, only then remembering how she had done the same to Elsa and had seen her dressing. The memory still brought color to her cheeks. She  _ really  _ needed to stop doing that. 

Fortunately, Ryder was not naked where he lay on his furs. He sat up promptly, seeing Honeymaren and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Honeymaren had lost track of time talking to Elsa. She hadn’t realized how late it was. Despite the late hour, though, Ryder looked instantly alert as he lit a candle. Honeymaren could tell that he already knew. 

“Yelena told me,” he said by way of explanation. “Are you alright?”

“I think…” she began and sat down next to him. “That I am. But somehow, that feels weird, too. Does that make sense?”

Ryder nodded. “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Regardless, you’re still the strongest person I know. Both physically and mentally.”

He smiled playfully, and Honeymaren smiled back. “Thank you. You know, I know I don’t say this enough… but, I really, um.”

“You don’t have to say it,” Ryder interjected hurriedly. “I know what you mean.”

Honeymaren just laughed and rolled her eyes. She reached out to ruffle her brother’s bedhead. “We still act like children sometimes.”

“Sure we do, but I think we deserve it. We had the majority of our childhood robbed from us.”

Honeymaren stretched out on the wooden slats beneath her. She began to feel tired all of a sudden, as if everything just hit her at once. The candlelight and warm, spacious feeling of Ryder’s tent was making her eyes feel droopy. 

“We really did.” she stifled a yawn. “Remember those days that we thought we would never get out of our situations? When everything felt hopeless?”

Ryder nodded wordlessly, and Honeymaren could tell that he was back in those days, maybe huddled up with her in a tree in the woods or trying to console his own mother on the days that he could and fend for himself on the days that he couldn’t. 

“I think it just goes to say that everything ends at some point. The good things, but also the bad things. Because look at us. We got through it. And we’re here today, and everything is better, even though we used to think that it never would be.”

Ryder stared at her, and she could see his eyes soften at her words. “You’ve got that right. You don’t sound like you, though. I think you’re tired.”

“Oh, I’m exhausted!” Honeymaren gasped, secretly grateful for the change in subject. “Do you have any extra bedding? I don’t think that I can walk back to my tent.”

Ryder pretended to roll his eyes and groan, but he pointed to a chest in the corner of his tent, cloaked in shadows.

Minutes later, when Honeymaren lay next to him, the candle having been blown out, did she speak again.

“Ryder?” she whispered into the darkness.

“I thought you were tired,” came the annoyed response.

“I am,” Honeymaren answered, “but I think I should tell you. Elsa didn’t actually want to go on a date with that man- her sister made a deal with her, and her end of the bargain was that she would let Anna pick out dates for her to go on. Or something. I’m not too sure on the details. I know I have a lot of other things to worry about, but you seemed to care the other night, so I thought I’d tell you. Just, you know, so you know.”

She thought she could hear Ryder’s smile in his response. “I figured there was something up with that. Thanks for telling me. Good to know.”

“Yeah, isn’t it?”

Maybe half an hour had gone by before Honeymaren spoke again. She wasn’t even sure she meant to, but the words just burst out of her. A sudden outpouring, then done. 

“I’m in love with Elsa.”

“No shit,” came the sleepy response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile! I've been terribly busy, and unfortunately, I don't think that's going to change anytime soon. My updates will come a little less frequently than they have been, but I WILL finish this story. A huge thanks to all of you for being such lovely people and for being so kind- I love and appreciate you all so much. Thank you for reading, and see you next time <3


	11. Feelings and Findings

The letter came from Elsa sometime in the middle of the night. Gale threw herself against Anna’s window, rattling the glass panes. The sudden sound made Anna bolt upright, her heart pounding against her chest. She hadn’t been sleeping- she didn’t do a lot of that these days- but she had remained in such a fitful state that the smallest noises sent her reeling. 

Cursing at the noise, she clambered out of bed and clumsily lit a candle. Then she fell upon the window, heaving it open. Gale rushed in and filled the air with loud whooshing and spiraling columns of wind that sent her candle flame dancing wildly and her papers fluttering off of her desk. 

“Hello, Gale,” Anna whispered tiredly. “What’s the deal?”

The parchment hit her square in the face and Anna was filled with the sense of irritability that she couldn’t seem to shake lately. 

“Thanks,” she hissed. 

She felt Gale still at her tone and could almost sense her hurt. Normally, she would have felt awful. But now she only felt a sense of emptiness. 

“You can go now,” Anna informed the wind spirit and gestured to the cracked window that leaked cold, icy air into her room. 

Gale left without protest with a quick gust of wind that indeed sent a spike of guilt into Anna’s stomach. Why was she messing everything up lately?

Venturing towards her candle flame, Anna unfolded Elsa’s letter and read it quickly, understanding immediately.

Elsa knew. She had found out about their grandfather and what he had done before he died from his wounds near hours after the battle. She now understood the issue that dragged on Anna’s consciousness and occupied her every thought.

_ It was only a matter of time,  _ Anna told herself.  _ You knew she would find out eventually.  _

And now it was only a matter of time before she started wondering why Anna wasn’t doing anything. She wouldn’t understand.

Wouldn’t understand that there wasn’t anything she could do. They wouldn’t listen to her. She would cause a plethora of conflict and, like, a war. Or something. She’d would cause people to die, she would get kicked out of the castle, and her sister would turn on her and then also die.

To say she was stressed felt like the understatement of the century. Stress wasn’t even a good word. Overwhelmed. In over her head. Terrified. Weak.

_ Weak.  _

There was no good solution. And she wasn’t a good enough queen to implement  _ any  _ solution. She was just biding her time before she was destroyed. Before the people realized that even her antisocial, ice-powered sister was a better queen than she could ever be.

Anna put the letter down and pulled her nightgown over her head, laying the fabric on her bed. She crossed the room until she stood before the mirror, her reflection dark and tinted with gold from the candlelight. It reflected on her hair, turning it redder than it was. In the mirror, her cheekbones looked too angled. Her ribs jutted out of her chest and her skin was pulled too tight against her sharp hipbones. 

None of this caught her attention though. She was only focused on one thing. Lifting a trembling hand, Anna touched her stomach. She dragged her hand down the small but now-visible protrusion that resided between her hips. 

She stared at it in the mirror- at her belly that she wouldn’t be able to hide for much longer. She could hear Kristoff’s voice now, coated in disappointment.

_ You didn’t tell me about our child? _

Her eyes prickled with tears, and she tore herself away from the mirror and climbed into bed- the bed she slept in alone. She already knew that her husband was hurt that she insisted on sleeping in separate beds. But when he found out about their child, he would feel even worse. He would want to leave her. Just like Elsa had- and did.

And just like her child undoubtedly would- once they found out what sort of person their mother was.

* * *

Something was different. Elsa could feel it in the air. A prickling electricity, coursing through her veins. Spikes of hot and cold running across her spine. It terrified her. It excited her. And the excitement only added more terror. She was surprised she was even able to feel as much as she did after her sleepless night before, but the sharp, cold air kept her more than alert.

“Are you alright?” Honeymaren looked at her, concern flashing in her dark eyes. 

Elsa looked back at her- really looked. How was it that one person be the source of so many complicated feelings and emotions that she couldn’t even begin to describe them? How was one person able to have that much of an effect on her? Why wasn’t  _ she  _ able to control her own feelings better?

“I’m fine,” Elsa replied firmly, trying to drill the message into her own mind until she believed it, too.

The two walked side by side through the forest towards the sea, a comfortable distance away from each other. Elsa was filled with apprehension at the thought of seeing her sister and spending the entire evening with both Anna and Honeymaren. It was, she thought, the last thing she wanted to be doing, but she couldn’t understand why. Any other time, she would have loved it. But now… well, things were different.

The pair had left the valley not half and hour earlier. Ryder had initially objected to the two of them leaving alone especially in the wake of the recent events, but had been assured of their safety when  _ both  _ Elsa and Honeymaren had uttered the same words at the same time: “I’ll protect her.”

Their unanimous promise had sent shivers down Elsa’s spine, and the feeling had only grown since they had left. As Elsa saw the trees begin to thin and saw flashes of clear, blue sea between the branches, she had to take a few breaths. When she normally left to visit her sister, she rode Nokk, the water spirit. And now with her plus one, they would ride together. 

Honeymaren would ride in front- or would she ride in back? Elsa imagined the feeling of her arms slung low around Elsa’s waist and the feeling of her fingers pressing into her hips. The thought filled her cheeks with color. And suddenly she was remembering the previous night- for the hundredth time since it had happened- and remembering the feeling of Honeymaren’s warm lips on her forehead and wondering what it would feel like to have her-

“Elsa, something’s wrong, I can tell,” Honeymaren said seriously and slowed her pace, trying to look into Elsa’s eyes.

Elsa crossed her arms around herself and looked away, trying to appear nonchalant. She hoped she wasn’t blushing as much as it felt like she was. “No, nothing’s wrong. I’m just… thinking.”

Honeymaren ignored this, and Elsa didn’t blame her. 

“Did I overstep last night?” she asked slowly and carefully, as though she were walking on eggshells. “Because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. And if I did, you can tell me. You  _ should  _ tell me.”

“No!” Elsa blurted, and then blushed harder at her outburst. “I mean, no. You didn’t. We don’t have… to talk about it.”

She could feel Honeymaren’s eyes boring holes into her skin. It made her itch. 

“Elsa, you know I am never going to force you to talk about something that you don’t want to. But I really think that-”

“Oh, look! There’s Nokk!” Elsa said loudly, and pointed at where the water spirit indeed stood tall in its horse form, staring at them. 

As she quickened her pace for the last stretch through the trees, she could feel Honeymaren radiating something that seemed a bit like disappointment- though it didn’t quite match up to the strange disappointment that she felt in herself. 

She was already ankle-deep in the churning, icy sea, stroking Nokk and whispering her greetings when Honeymaren finally caught up. Elsa looked back to the shoreline where Honeymaren stood, not about to venture into the water. Her arms were crossed and her braid whipped in the wind, but she didn’t look angry. She looked… defeated. Tired. Sad.

Elsa tried to push her guilt into the box where she kept all of her feelings that she didn’t have the time or energy to feel, but her box was getting too full. The sides were bulging and it wouldn’t close all the way, not without her using all of her willpower to shut it. There were too many feelings. Too many experiences and emotions and thoughts. 

“Follow me, if you will,” she said quietly to the spirit horse, and together, the pair of them made their way back to the shore where Honeymaren stood waiting, even though Elsa wanted to mount the spirit horse and ride away as fast as she could.

“You’re better than that, Elsa,” Honeymaren remarked once Elsa was back within earshot. “ _ I’m  _ better than that.”

“I know,” Elsa replied and looked down at her bare feet pathetically. She tucked a piece of her white-blonde hair behind her ear. 

Honeymaren waited, still. Her dark hair shone brilliantly in the broad sunlight and Elsa gathered her courage, doing what she knew best. Deflecting.

“There’s nothing to talk about, though,” she said airly, and it hurt her to act as though she didn’t care. 

_ Because she cared so much.  _

“I know we have a lot to deal with,” Honeymaren told her, and for the first time, Elsa thought that her friend looked small, with her chin tucked and her shoulders curved inwards. “I know that there’s a lot going on, and we’re each dealing with a lot. But please, don’t shut me out.”

The words struck a chord within Elsa, as she remembered her own sister saying something akin to that nearly three years ago. She flinched, and Honeymaren, if possible, looked even smaller- but only for an instant. The moment passed and Honeymaren’s eyes hardened, and her shoulders straightened. 

“You know what, forget it. Just- forget I said anything.” Honeymaren’s walls were up and she was suddenly the stone-cold woman that Elsa wished she never had to be. She knew that Honeymaren only shed her guard every so often, and Elsa had just thrown it back in her face. 

_ Come on,  _ she chided herself.  _ Say something- anything. _

“I wasn’t uncomfortable,” Elsa blurted out. “Last night.”

She dragged a toe through the sand and sneaked a glance at Honeymaren. Surprise coated her friend’s features. Elsa then opened her mouth to say more, but the words didn’t come. She couldn’t find anything else to say- anything else that she  _ could  _ say. She closed her mouth and hoped that it was enough. Her face burned as she stared at Honeymaren, willing her to understand- willing her  _ not  _ to understand. 

Much to her relief, Honeymaren seemed to visibly relax. The corners of her mouth lifted in a strange euphoria that Elsa didn’t understand. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Elsa repeated, maintaining her calm exterior even as her heart pounded wildly. Then she gestured to Nokk. “I’ll ride in back. Because, you know, I’m taller.”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Honeymaren drawled, and Elsa could feel them slipping back into their usual banter.

But something had changed- permanently. They were within new territory, crossing into a place that Elsa had never been and doing so much faster than she would have liked. As the two of them situated themselves atop Nokk and Elsa gently wrapped her arms around Honeymaren’s midsection and felt the warmth of the other woman solid against her chest, she realized that deep down, there was a part of her that wanted to go. A part of her that was  _ excited  _ to go. 

And that could not stand. She knew that no matter how much she wanted it, it wasn’t allowed and would never be allowed. 

_ But you just can’t help yourself, can you?  _ She thought wryly, moments later as they were speeding across the waves. Strands of Honeymaren’s dark hair flew into her face and much to her horror and joy, Honeymaren fully leaned back against her, trusting her to keep her steady. Instinctively, Elsa’s arms went around her tighter, and she rested her chin on Honeymaren’s shoulder. Her traitorous heart beat faster. 

As they shot through the sea, through the glittering rainbow mist with the wind in their hair and sun on their faces, Elsa allowed herself- for just a moment- to dream.

* * *

Ryder figured his sister wouldn’t mind if he went through her things. She was gone anyway and probably wouldn’t return until the morning. When she and Elsa had left, he had advised them to not travel during the dark hours for fear of what lurked in the shadows- especially given recent events.

Ryder shuddered with the thought as he entered his sister’s empty tent. There was something to be said about the “hunters” who had been out near the sea path. It was an odd sort of place to look for game anyway, seeing as it was near the sea and usually upwind, and too near the Northuldra’s camp to feel quite right. 

He knew that Arendellians were assholes and that Queen Anna’s official statements about Northuldran “territory” weren’t law- but something wasn’t right. 

He wasn’t too worried, though. He knew that Honeymaren and Elsa were more than capable of protecting themselves, should they have to. He remembered their promise, their voices made one. 

_ I’ll protect her.  _

Ryder suppressed a grin at the memory and began looking about his sister’s tent for the bow- the one his sister had made herself but often let him use. She usually left it hanging on a peg somewhere, but it didn’t seem to be there. He sighed. Of course this would be difficult, why couldn’t Honeymaren just lay things in plain sight for him?

As he moved to her chest of things, his eyes fell on a book and he did a double take. He didn’t know his sister to be a reader, nor did he know where she would have gotten a book. Probably from Elsa. 

_ Arendelle Through the Ages  _ read the cover in glossy golden print. Ryder’s brow furrowed. An interesting reading choice, that much was for certain. He leaned closer and ran his fingers along the dark red leather that bound the many, thick pages. Then it hit him with a wave of something akin to sadness.

Arendelle had stolen every bit of the land that the Northuldra had once lived on in peace, and though he wasn’t certain about the logistics of that, he and the rest of his people assumed that that was what had happened. No doubt Queen Anna knew it too, which would explain her silence on the matter. And though they had all learned to accept it- Honeymaren too- he knew that his sister wasn’t going to stand for it.

He imagined his sister asking for the book from Elsa, knowing in her heart that she couldn’t change anything, but willing to try anyway. He was hit then with a wave of pride. That was the Honeymaren he knew. The Honeymaren who would stop at nothing. 

Ryder idly flipped through the pages, unaware of himself until a folded sheet of paper fell out. Knowing he probably shouldn’t, Ryder unfolded the parchment slowly not exactly intending to read it, but just to see what it was. 

It was a list, and in Honeymaren’s handwriting. 

_ -Former queen, possible political enemies?? _

_ -Hans (Southern Isles) _

_ -Lover’s quarrel _

_ -Leverage against Anna _

_ -Fifth spirit…? _

Ryder found himself frowning even more, feeling especially guilty now that he had accidentally read the entire thing. It didn’t seem personal, though. In fact, it wasn’t about Honeymaren at all, but most definitely about Elsa. He didn’t understand, so he read over it a second time.

Though it seemed ridiculous, it appeared to be a list of reasons to either kidnap or kill Elsa. But why would Honeymaren have created such a list? Perhaps if she was trying to find the motives of someone else? Judging by the first four being crossed out, they had been proven false. So the last one…

Understanding dawned at once.  _ That  _ was the reason they had gone to visit Honeymaren’s mother yesterday. His hands shaking, he reinserted the list between the pages of the large volume and slammed it shut. Suddenly he was rethinking everything. 

Was someone trying to kill Elsa? With a sense of dread, he recalled Elsa mentioning that she returned to the Northuldra via the sea path whenever she returned from visiting her sister. So he was right- the “hunters” probably really weren’t hunters at all. What else had happened? What were they keeping from him?

He stood up, his mind whirling.  _ Why  _ were they keeping it from him? He wanted to find both of them and demand that they explain such a strange decision, but he realized with no small amount of horror that the two of them had just left on their own. Were they even going to visit Anna at all?

His breathing quickened, and his pulse sped up. He had just let them go- alone. What if they never came back? What if it was his fault? He tore his cap off of his now-damp head and ran a hand through his hair. He was such a fool to not see what was in front of him the entire time. 

Without wasting another moment, he raced out of Honeymaren’s tent and beelined towards his own. Pulling open the door, he nearly fell into his own chest as he scrambled to find a pot of ink and parchment. 

Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he put the quill to the paper and addressed the letter. 

_ Queen Anna, _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I know it's been a longer wait for a shorter chapter, and I'm sorry. Next update should be longer, I just had difficulty splitting things up and I needed this chapter as a setup for the next few. As I've said, I do fully intend to finish this. I believe that there should be roughly around 5 more chapters (don't quote me on that), and in the next couple, we'll really be getting into the thick of it and I'm so excited!   
> On a different note, I want to be sure that this is all making sense. I know that the plot is complicated (at least it feels that way to me as I'm trying to keep track of it all) but hopefully I'm doing alright explaining things. If you don't understand something, please don't be afraid to ask! I know that I have strayed from canon a bit and I hope that it's okay- it's what works best for what I had planned :)  
> Lastly, I just wanted to say that I am eternally grateful to all of y'all for your amazing support. My love goes to all of you. Thank you SO much for reading <3


	12. Clothes and Nausea

_Two Years Earlier_

Each step of her heel on marble echoed through the large and empty hallway. Elsa hated the sound- hated how loud her stupid, expensive shoes were and how she didn’t have the ability to sneak through her own castle. 

She heard her sister’s voice from underneath a door and doubled backwards, grumbling quietly. She wanted a new house. A smaller, normal house where she could live with her sister. Alone. She didn’t see the point in wasting time wanting that, though. She was queen. She had better things to be doing, and certainly not enough time to daydream. 

“... ran into Johan the other day,” came Kristoff’s voice loud and clear from underneath the door.

“Aww, I miss him! How is he?” Anna answered, her tone bright and peppy as usual.

Elsa didn’t know why she stopped and held her breath, flattening herself against the wall outside the door. It was clear that her sister and Kristoff were probably just discussing their friends from town, and she didn’t know why she cared. 

Maybe it was just the concept of having friends from town to talk about that piqued her interest. Scowling, Elsa prepared to end her nonsense eavesdropping and enter the room, but then Kristoff spoke again, and her heart stopped.

“I heard…” he lowered his voice and Elsa had to strain to hear him. “That he’s seeing Georg.”

Elsa’s breathing quickened, and her legs felt weak. It wasn’t like she didn’t know that there were other people… people like _her,_ but she had never heard them openly discussed. She remained silent and still and went on listening.

“What?” Anna exclaimed. “No. No!”

“I know,” Kristoff answered. His voice was full of disgust. 

Elsa’s stomach turned, and she felt suddenly dizzy.

“That’s…” Anna whispered, seemingly searching for words. “That’s just not right.”

In her tone resided the same amount of disgust and horror of that in Kristoff’s tone and Elsa’s heart just sank. It sank through her stomach, oozed through her toes, and puddled at her feet. 

_Well, at least you know,_ a tiny voice told her and she had to agree. She couldn’t imagine what would have happened if she had _told_ her sister and what would have happened. She had dodged a bullet. 

_Then why does it hurt so much?_

Elsa pushed herself off the wall, refusing to think. Talking to Anna could wait, now she just wanted to be alone for a moment. That was one thing that this castle was good for- hiding spots. 

As she began walking away, she realized all too suddenly that she had forgotten the sound that her heels made on those stupid marble floors and cursed herself as the door swung open not a moment later. 

“Oh, hi, Elsa!” Anna smiled brightly. “What’s wrong, did you need me?”

For just a moment, Elsa hated the warmth in Anna’s smile. How could she smile like that after just having the conversation that she’d had? Would she smile at Elsa that way if she knew? If she knew that her sister was just like those two men she had been talking about with so much scorn and resentment?

But Elsa pushed the thoughts inside. She locked them away deep inside her where they would stay. Forever. Because she couldn’t stand to lose the one person in her life that made it worth living. 

“Hello, Anna. Yes, I just needed help with the taxes.”

* * *

_Present Day_

Anna was tired. Her eyelids were heavy, and she felt as though she was walking through quicksand. Worst of all, she was terribly nauseous and she felt as though she might empty the contents of her stomach at any moment. But she did feel slightly better than she had last night. She couldn’t help it. Walking through the crisp, clean air and savoring the feeling of the sunlight on her face as she had strode through the city released some of the tension within her and calmed her racing thoughts. 

The only thing that had lingered since the night before was a sense of mild shame in herself and her behavior towards Gale and the inevitable threat of her despair returning as soon as she was alone. Try as she might, Anna was still pregnant and still was running a kingdom- and she was soooooo sick. 

But today, she could enjoy herself. She would _force_ herself to enjoy it. _You deserve it,_ she tried to tell herself, though she was fairly certain her own words held little truth. Even though anxiety still loomed in the corners of her mind like a tidal wave that she needed to use all of her energy to keep at bay.

Now, as she stood in the shop filled with men and women alike examining fabric and gossiping loudly about the upcoming ball, Anna shrank into her cloak and imagined what it would be like to be one of them. What it would be like to live in a small townhouse with two bedrooms and little flowerbeds outside the windows. Kristoff and Elsa could live there together. Anna would be a… what did she want to be? 

Anna scrunched up her nose and wondered. Perhaps a chef. She would open a little restaurant and would be widely beknownst by all. And Elsa would be a…

A…

All too soon, the fantasy came shattering down around her. Elsa couldn’t acclimate to normal life. She didn’t want to. She didn’t even want to live with Anna anyway. And besides, Anna couldn’t cook for shit.

Looking through the windows of the fabric shop then, she was momentarily distracted from her thoughts as she saw Elsa and Honeymaren outside the door, and her heart gave a little leap with nervous energy. She realized that she was worried to see her sister again after everything. She was worried that Elsa was still upset after that stupid date- Anna knew that _she_ was. Upset with herself, at least. But amidst the nervousness, she also felt an incredible amount of love and a surge of protectiveness, even though she didn’t know if it was need anymore.

Anna watched as Honeymaren leaned in to whisper something to Elsa, and Elsa threw her head back- actually _threw_ her head back- and laughed. As they opened the shop door moments later and spilled into the warm space, cheeks flushed from the biting cold air, Anna was able to hear that laughter coming from her sister and realized that it was quite an unfamiliar sound.

When was the last time that Elsa had laughed like that with her? Already feeling a sense of despair creeping up on her, Anna attempted to shove her jealously down. It wasn’t like her. She wanted her sister to be happy more than anything. So what if she wasn’t the cause of that? All she had managed to do in the last couple weeks was make her sister upset, and she couldn’t help but to reflect on it. Maybe that was all she was good for. 

“Anna?” Elsa called, and her eyes lit up as she spotted Anna between the shelves. Her face still shone with the remnants of laughter. 

She strode forward, and Anna’s thoughts were put on hold as she was tightly embraced. Her stomach lurched, reminding her of her sickness, and she was overcome with dizziness. All too soon, Elsa let go, and then Honeymaren was hugging her too and as she did, Anna felt a spark of something akin to… resentment? It couldn’t be. It was gone when Honeymaren released her and smiled rather abashedly.

“Are you alright?” Elsa asked, and looked Anna up and down scrutinizingly. 

Anna plastered on a smile. _Enjoy yourself. Be happy._

“Of course, do I look not alright?” she asked, filling her voice with false cheer. 

“You just look rather pale is all,” Elsa told her, still staring at her a little too hard.

“It’s so good to see you, Anna,” Honeymaren interjected brightly. “It feels like it’s been forever!”

It had been. Anna loved spending time with the high-spirited Northuldran woman, but she hadn’t seen her since her wedding. She felt rather guilty that she hadn’t bothered to spend more time with the woman Elsa nearly lived with but then reminded herself that it wasn’t her place. Elsa could live her own life- if that was what she wanted. 

Anna tucked a piece of hair behind her ear in a self conscious gesture. “I know! I’ve been really busy with, y’know, queen things. But I am so excited for the winter ball.”

Honeymaren laughed and looked to Elsa. “Am I going to that?”

Elsa smiled. “Of course you’re going! Why do you think you’re here?”

Honeymaren shrugged. “Fashion critic?”

Anna smiled blandly as her stomach clenched and twisted. “Do you two ever talk?”

The two looked at each other, sharing a glance that Anna didn’t understand. 

“We haven’t really had time,” Elsa said finally, and Anna was left to puzzle over whatever that meant.

“You do know what the winter ball is, though, don’t you?” Anna asked Honeymaren. 

Honeymaren shrugged again. “I know it’s a dance that you have in Arendelle.”

Anna smiled lightly and nudged Elsa. “Back about three years ago, when Elsa and I became close again, and Elsa was queen, she started throwing this ball,” she lowered her voice conspiratorially, “basically entirely for me-”

Elsa hid a laugh. 

“Because she knew how much I loved the gates being opened and parties and people and food…”

Anna looked at Elsa and saw the love in her own eyes mirrored through Elsa’s and felt herself relax a little. For a moment, it felt just like it used to.

Elsa went on for her, addressing her words towards Honeymaren. 

“So I started throwing the winter ball every year around the holidays.” She blushed slightly. “I do all the decorations myself.”

Honeymaren’s eyes widened. “Elsa, that’s amazing. I can’t wait to see!”

Elsa waved aside her comment, blushing slightly. “It’s really nothing.”

Honeymaren put a hand on Elsa’s shoulder and raised her eyebrows. “You always say that, but I don’t think you realize how cool it is. Right, Anna?”

Anna was startled at being reinserted into the conversation and managed a slightly convincing nod while still staring between them and wondering what Honeymaren had that she didn’t.

At that moment, a woman rounded the corner to the aisle where the three of them stood and her eyes darted around, taking them in. Her eyes fell on Elsa and remained there, and she stumbled backwards into the shelf and knocked a sheath of fabrics to the floor. Mumbling apologies, she backed up, still facing them and quickly went back the way she had come. 

The three of them stood there, unmoving, as if transfixed in space. Elsa slowly crossed her arms over herself, and Anna watched her mounting discomfort.

“Elsa…” Anna murmured and reached out a hand, even though she wanted to go after the woman and pummel her into dust. She knew that her sister was used to it, given all the times that it happened, but she also knew the effect it had on her.

But Honeymaren beat her to it. She had put an arm around her sister and whispered something in her ear that seemed to make Elsa relax. 

Anna cleared her throat, her arm falling back to her side. “We can leave… if you want.”

Elsa shook her head and smiled thinly. “It’s fine. Really. Unless you think that I should?”

The last sentence was phrased as a question, and Anna’s eyes nearly popped out of her skull. 

“What? No! Of course I don’t!” 

She hoped that her tone conveyed the extreme and utter hurt that she felt at Elsa even considering such a thing. Had she really turned into the sort of person who would think such a thing? What was happening? And what was she turning into?

Anna bent down to begin picking up the strewn fabric samples to hide her suddenly burning face. She hadn’t lasted five minutes. What was wrong with her? Maybe she should just leave. Elsa would probably be happier if she did, anyway. It would allow her to be alone with Honeymaren, which seemed to be what she really wanted. 

A sudden wave of nausea hit, and it was all Anna could do not to collapse right there. She was going to be sick. She was actually going to be sick. 

She stood up with as much dignity as she could muster and addressed the two of them. “Excuse me, I think I am going to throw up.”

As she spun on her heel and headed for the nearest exit, she could hear Elsa’s voice behind her.

“Anna, where are you going? Come back!”

But she didn’t stop- not until she had found a place where she could vomit her guts up in peace.

* * *

“I just don’t understand,” Elsa said. “Did I say something wrong?”

Honeymaren was watching her, a concerned expression on her face, as Elsa twisted her hands in anguish. It had been about 20 minutes since Anna had left, and Elsa was torn between worry and fear that she had _done_ something, though in the five minutes she had been with her sister, she wasn’t sure what she could have done. 

“You didn’t say anything wrong,” Honeymaren assured her from where she was leaned against the shelves. The two had found their way to the back of the shop where the customers were thin, and the cloths were outdated. 

Elsa stopped her pacing. “How do you know?”

“Well, first of all, you could never say anything wrong,” she answered. “She loves you unconditionally. Trust me.”

“Then why did she leave?” Elsa demanded of her. She lifted her hair away from her neck, suddenly feeling hot. She wished she had brought something to tie it back with. “Because she obviously wasn’t sick.”

Honeymaren pursed her lips and looked to the ceiling. “Nope, I’m pretty sure she was actually sick.”

“What, why?” Elsa found herself walking forwards until she and Honemaren were only a foot apart.

Honeymaren squinted at her, trying to see something on her face. She seemed to come to a decision. “No reason.”

“What-?” Elsa began, but Honeymaren cut her off.

“She’s jealous.”

Elsa froze, stricken even as confusion filled her mind. 

“Do you really think so?” she whispered. 

Honeymaren only nodded. 

Elsa ran her hands through her hair. “That doesn’t even make sense, she has nothing to be jealous of. Why would she-?”

“Slow down,” Honeymaren advised her. “It’s me. She’s jealous of me.”

Elsa opened her mouth again, but Honeymaren held up a hand. 

“Think of it this way. You two were just starting to have a good relationship and all of a sudden, you moved off to the woods to live completely separate from her, and I bet she thinks that I’m her replacement.”

Elsa stared. “ _What,_ that’s so _stupid_! That’s not even…”

Honeymaren bit her lip. “It’s just a theory.”

“She would have told me,” Elsa said flatly. 

“Would she have?”

Elsa buried her face in her hands. “I… don’t know.”

Honeymaren pushed herself off of the shelf and crossed the space to Elsa, a tiny, sad smile on her face. Gently, she pried Elsa’s hands away from her face and kept her hands fastened firmly around her wrists. 

“Maybe you two should talk.”

“I don’t even know how anymore,” Elsa whispered miserably. “Everything is weird and different. It’s like she’s a different person.”

“She’s under a lot of stress. So are you,” Honeymaren pointed out, and Elsa was suddenly struck by their close proximity. She pulled free from her grasp and pretended to examine a box of silver buttons. Honeymaren followed.

“Talk to her about the dates,” she pushed, trying to meet Elsa’s eyes. “And she can talk to you about… other things.”

Elsa sighed and felt the tension go out of her shoulders. She knew that Honeymaren was probably right, or close to it. She just couldn’t believe that she had been so blind as to not see it herself. 

“I will. Eventually.”

“Soon,” Honeymaren corrected and reached out, pushing a strand of Elsa’s hair behind her ear with the barest brush of her fingers. 

“Okay,” Elsa agreed and smiled a little, despite herself. 

Honeymaren smiled back. “Now, come on. Teach me how you city folk shop for dresses. These don’t look like dresses. They look like long blanket rolls.”

Elsa laughed. “This is just the fabric. You have to pick the fabric, get your measurements, and then send both to a dressmaker.”

Honeymaren raised her eyebrows. “It sounds overly complicated.”

“It is,” Elsa laughed again and grabbed Honeymaren by the hand, dragging her down the aisles. “Now come on, and we’ll find you something.”

As they made their way back into the main part of the store, Elsa noticed people looking at her. Looking at Elsa, and looking at her and Honeymaren’s intertwined hands. She took a breath, trying to calm herself. Trying to not let go, even as the stares burned holes through her, and she desperately wanted to.

 _Friends are allowed to hold hands,_ she told herself. _They aren’t looking at you._

But even so, she chose a random aisle and strode through it, glancing back at Honeymaren to see if she was affected by the stares in the same way.

She didn’t seem to be. She didn’t seem to be focused on Elsa at all. Instead, her deep, brown eyes were gazing at all of the rows of cloths and wools and buttons and ribbons in a sort of horrified fascination. 

Elsa could only imagine how different it was from what she was used to. She didn’t take Honeymaren to Arendelle very often. For starters, there wasn’t much opportunity to do so, and on the other hand, she could sometimes tell that Honeymaren was uncomfortable about it all. Even if she didn’t say anything.

Letting go of Honeymaren’s hand, and trying to be casual, Elsa picked up a cloth sample at random.

“This looks nice,” she said vaguely, trying to start a conversation. 

“No, it doesn’t,” Honeymaren said and laughed, rather forcedly. “That’s the ugliest print I’ve ever seen.”

Elsa looked down at the fabric clenched in her palm. It was indeed an ugly floral print that was incredibly untasteful, and she sighed. 

“I suppose you’re right,” she grimaced, but even despite her awkward attempts, she already felt more normal. She just wished that Anna was still with them. She would write her tonight. 

“How about this one?” Honeymaren picked out a silvery pink color and held it up to Elsa, squinting at both of them. “No, never mind. I hate it.”

Elsa laughed. “You’re incredibly picky for your first time.”

Instead of laughing like she thought she would, Honeymaren frowned. “Too much?”

“No,” Elsa assured her. “In a good way.”

“Hey, I think this color would look nice on you,” Elsa said, aiming a sideways smile at Honeymaren and trying to change the subject. She picked a dark blue, silk swatch up to Honeymaren’s skin and clicked her tongue in approval.

Indeed, the midnight color looked excellent against Honeymaren’s brown skin, and Elsa found herself blushing as she imagined the sort of dress that could be made and how Honeymaren would look in it.

“Yeah?” Honeymaren offered a tiny smile in return, but Elsa noticed that it didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked, still clutching the piece in her hand.

Honeymaren looked at the floor. “Elsa, I…”

Elsa put her hands on Honeymaren’s shoulders. “What is it? You can talk to me.”

Honeymaren held up her hands in a helpless gesture and sighed. “I can’t pay for any of this, Elsa. I literally have no money.”

Elsa’s eyes widened. “Is that all? Don’t worry about the money, I’ll just…”

But Honeymaren was already shaking her head. “No, Elsa. I can’t let you do that. Then I’d feel like I’d owe you, and-”

“You wouldn’t _owe_ me anything, Maren,” Elsa said quickly and squeezed Honeymaren’s shoulders. “Seriously, I…”

“Have so much money you wouldn’t even notice it was missing?” Honeymaren supplied wryly, an eyebrow raised.

Elsa opened her mouth and then closed it again. They had never talked about money before. She had never really even thought of it. How foolish she had been. 

“Yes,” she answered weakly, and Honeymaren laughed drily. 

“At least you’re honest about it.” Honeymaren pulled away from her and rolled out her shoulders, bouncing on her heels. She was full of nervous energy.

“You could consider it a gift,” Elsa offered, gesturing as her mind whirled. She couldn’t tell if Honeymaren was angry. “And I would truly _like_ to give it to you.”

Honeymaren laughed again, but Elsa had no idea what was so funny. 

“ _What?”_ she demanded. 

Honeymaren only shook her head. “How about we do this? I will _allow_ you to buy me a dress, but only if you allow me to do something for you in return. And don’t tell me that that is unnecessary, because that is the only way that I will allow this.”

Elsa, who had opened her mouth to inform Honeymaren that she didn’t want anything from her, closed it and nodded in agreement. 

“Fine. I just don’t understand why it’s necessary,” she said, her hands splayed out as if asking for an explanation.

Honeymaren smiled and cupped Elsa’s face in a sudden gesture of intimacy. “I wouldn’t expect you to, and that’s okay. So don’t worry about it. Now, what do you want?”

Elsa frowned, thinking hard. “I mean, there isn’t really anything.”

Honeymaren picked up a piece of fabric, mindlessly running her thumb along it. “Don’t think material- think… I don’t know, information?”

“Information?”

Honeymaren nodded. “You want juicy, personal details?”

Elsa bit her lip. “I don’t know, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable-”

“No, no, no,” Honeymaren cut her off, clearly growing in excitement. “I don’t care, you can ask anything that you want to.”

Elsa sighed, trying to think. There were lots of things that she wanted to know, but the two of them did have boundaries and things that they just didn’t discuss. By asking something- depending on what it was- might break those boundaries even further and she didn’t know if she was ready for that. 

She didn’t know if it was her aggravation over Anna that caused her boldness or just exhaustion over being so damn guarded all the time that made her ask. 

“What’s your secret?”

The minute she said it, she regretted it. It was too forward, too insensitive, too probing, too soon. But Honeymaren didn’t look upset. If anything, she looked relieved. 

“The one my mother was talking about?”

“I’m sorry,” Elsa said quickly. “You don’t have to answer. That was rude of me.”

She felt her heart rushing, her palms sweating, and her breathing increasing, but she didn’t know why. Honeymaren was the one she had put on the spot. 

“No, it’s fine,” Honeymaren said and smiled a little, sad smile at the floor. “Really. I think I want you to know.”

“Okay,” Elsa whispered. “As long as you’re sure.”

Honeymaren took a deep breath and suddenly looked as nervous as Elsa felt. Elsa had a strange desire to hide her face in Honeymaren’s shoulder and squeeze her, but she didn’t know if that was because she wanted to hide, or she wanted to console her friend.

“I’ve known it from a young age,” Honeymaren began quietly and Elsa had to lean in to hear. “And I’ve faced a lot of trouble for it, but I’ve finally come to accept it, and I think that I’m comfortable with it.”

Elsa waited, her breath held and heart pounding. She already knew the words, even before Honeymaren said them.

“I like girls,” Honeymaren told her, and the words seemed to release some tension within her. “It’s just how it is with me.”

Elsa inhaled sharply through her nose as Honeymaren watched her carefully, gauging her face for a reaction. She didn’t know how to react. How she _should_ react. But she knew that she needed to react in some way.

“Wait, you don’t… _care,_ do you?” Honeymaren asked worriedly, still staring at her scruntilizingly. 

“No!” Elsa blurted. “No- I mean, I _do_ care, just not like that.”

“Okay.” Honeymaren released a breath that sent her bangs fluttering. “Okay, good.”

Seconds passed in an agonizing fashion. 

“Can you say something?” Honeymaren finally asked, cautiously.

“Yes,” Elsa said automatically, but she still didn’t. Couldn’t. Didn’t know what to say. She opened her mouth, then closed it.

“Thank you for telling me,” she finally said, trying to keep calm even though her heart was about to explode out of her. 

“You’re welcome,” Honeymaren replied with a weak grin. Elsa couldn’t help but notice that she seemed rather disappointed, and for a minute, Honeymaren waited as if she expected Elsa to say something else.

Elsa knew what she was waiting for, and even as a part of her longed to say it, she knew that she couldn’t. She spent years repressing the feelings, and she wasn’t going to stop now. So she just waited, keeping the words locked up inside of her even though it was getting harder by the day. 

“You better get me a really good dress,” Honeymaren said, the hint of a smile on her face as she nudged Elsa.

Elsa swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yes. Yes, I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urrrgghhhh... It's been awhile. I've missed you all! I have been SO incredibly busy and I don't want to deliver mediocre, short chapters, either so as as much as I hate waiting this long, I think it was probably necessary. Thank you all for your patience and support. I love you all :) and as always, thanks for reading.


	13. Anna is Sad

In stark contrast to the earlier, bright afternoon, the wind had picked up. Fat clouds hung in the air, promising to burst open at any moment and cover the earth in white. Elsa felt the weather inside of her, a sort of buzzing electricity in her veins. She longed to erupt and give herself over to her primal, powerful urges. But unfortunately, she had more important things to do.

“Didn’t you just come back?” 

Elsa whirled around from where she stood in the entryway of her tent, a small satchel of important belongings slung over her shoulder. She had indeed just come back from Arendelle with Honeymaren but intended to leave again just as quickly.

“Hello, Ingrid,” Elsa smiled fondly at the small form before her.

The small girl’s hair was whipping around her face in the wind and her expression was carefully forlorn. She made an interesting sight- just a small girl standing alone against the back drop of bare, skeletal trees and dark, looming clouds.

“Where are you going?” Ingrid persisted.

“To visit my sister.” Elsa hopped out of her tent and rolled nervously back and forth on her heels.

“You were just there,” Ingrid replied flatly.

“I know.”

_I know, and I saw her for about five minutes before she ran away and never returned._

It didn’t feel right. Even though she’d had a remarkable time running around the city with Honeymaren for hours, the absence of her sister felt more and more unbearable as the time passed. By the time Elsa had gotten back to the valley, she felt the unresolved conflict between her and her sister like a tangible sickness and she knew that she had to do something about it immediately. It couldn’t wait.

“I forgot to tell her something,” Elsa offered by way of explanation. It wasn’t really a lie.

Ingrid nodded as if in understanding.

“You haven’t read your letter yet, though.”

“What letter…?” Elsa trailed off as she watched Ingrid walk up to the side of her tent. It was then that she noticed the parchment scroll nailed to the wood. She was surprised that she hadn’t noticed it previously.

Ingrid pulled the nail out of the wood and caught the scroll in her hand. She handed it to Elsa wordlessly. 

“Is this from you?”

The small girl shook her head. “No, I just saw it.”

As Elsa unfolded the parchment, her brow furrowed in confusion. Who would write to her? The only person she had ever gotten letters from was Anna and they used Gale to send their messages back and forth.

“Who is it from?” Ingrid was on her tiptoes, craning to see what the letter said. But Elsa held it out of reach. She had a bad feeling- a sinking sort of feel in her chest.

“One moment,” she said absently and began to read.

_Ice Queen,_

_You can’t hide within your tribe forever. We see you. We know about you. It’s only a matter of time. Stop avoiding what you know is inevitable. Leave the Northuldra, or we take the girl._

Elsa’s hands began to shake as she finished the few short sentences. It wasn’t signed, but she had a feeling she knew who it was from. She had never doubted Honeymaren’s mad abilities to predict situations, but she now realized that there had still been a part of her deep down that had hoped her friend had been wrong. But it made sense. It all made sense, and that was what scared her the most. 

“Who is it from?” 

Startled, Elsa looked down into Ingrid’s wide brown eyes. 

_The girl._

Ingrid? Or Honeymaren? How much did they know? Elsa felt a surge of satisfaction as she imagined anyone trying to “take” Honeymaren. She pitied whoever was stupid enough to try. But Ingrid? Elsa considered the thought with mounting horror. 

Suddenly, the smaller girl withdrew, folding her arms around herself. She frowned up at Elsa as her teeth chattered. 

“Are you doing that?”

“Doing what?” Elsa said, her mind still whirling. It was only when she looked down at the paper again to see it coated in frost that she realized and checked herself.

“Oh, Ingird, I’m so sorry.”

She took a few breaths to calm herself (something Anna used to help her with) and felt the ice and cold recede from her. Ingrid seemed to relax. 

“You always use your powers when you’re scared,” Ingrid told her, staring at her with an intensity that was rather alarming. “Are you scared?”

“No.” Elsa tried for a reassuring smile. “I’m not afraid.”

But she was. She was very afraid as she imagined whoever these people were targeting the small girl before her. Maintaining her composure, she knelt down in front of Ingrid.

“Listen,” she told her sternly as she stood. “I need you to go find Honeymaren. Stay with her. Or with your grandmother. I don’t want you to go out on your own for awhile, okay?”

Ingrid’s eyes clouded with confusion. She was no fool- she knew something was up. But thankfully ( _so_ thankfully), she didn’t ask any questions.

“And you are going to see your sister again?” Ingrid asked her. 

“Yes, I am,” Elsa smiled gently. She placed a hand atop the girl’s head as a farewell. What she didn’t expect was for Ingrid to wrap her arms around Elsa’s middle in a tight embrace.

“I will miss you.” Ingrid’s voice was muffled against Elsa’s stomach. 

Overcome by a sudden wave of emotion, all Elsa could do was to return the hug and attempt to keep the moisture out of her eyes.

It seemed, Elsa though as she was walking through the forest alone minutes later, that Ingrid knew exactly what Elsa was going to do. What she _needed_ to do.

She needed to leave.

The few days before the dance would allow her enough time to pack up her belongings and say her goodbyes. Because she couldn’t keep doing this. Ironically, the thought of leaving had played often in her head for the past few days- even before she was being threatened to do so. 

She loved the Northuldra. She had never loved a group of people so much nor had never felt more at home. But that sense of belonging was what made the thought so difficult to consider. Her love for the people she lived with was what gave her a reason to stay and sometimes, it seemed, a reason to live. 

But then again, those same reasons made her understand that leaving was the only option. Because if she truly loved them, then she couldn’t allow them to be in danger because of her.

Today, someone with ill and dangerous intent had simply waltzed into the camp and walked right up to her place of residence and tacked a note by the door probably knowing _somehow_ that she would be gone.

_How?_

She didn’t know a lot about these people, but what she did know was that they were power-hungry. They weren’t the most organized, but they were dangerous. Anyone who craved power was dangerous. Elsa only had to think of her sister’s ex to know that that was true. And apart from that, she knew that they were scaring her people. They had influenced Yelena’s new and strengthened defenses around the valley, and people were afraid.

Perhaps it was a round-about way of thinking of it, but Elsa knew that she was at the root of that fear. _She_ was the target. And if she was out of the equation, then her people wouldn’t have to worry anymore. She knew that she had to protect the safety of the people who had done so much for her and given her the home she loved so dearly. The only way to do so happened to be to give it up. 

And even though she had a nagging suspicion that leaving would just play right into their trap, because,after all, that was what they wanted from her. She really had no other option. No choice. Not until they figured out how to relinquish all of the Enchanted Forest to its rightful owners, which might not even help. And she needed Anna to make that happen.

She knew deep down that her absence would be beneficial. No one would get hurt if she was gone. But that didn’t stop her regret. Her sadness. 

It certainly didn’t stop her from thinking of a certain someone- a woman with dark, searching eyes, and a beautiful, infectious laugh. 

* * *

“Anna, open the door, please.”

This was exhausting. Her sister was an ungodly level of stubborn and Elsa would rather not deal with it at the moment. 

She knocked for the fourteenth time. “Anna, please.”

She didn’t even know if her sister was in her room. A servant had told her upon her arrival and she would just have to go by that. 

Or everyone was just secretly laughing at her as she knocked on the door of a vacant room.

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. _Enough._

She placed a hand on the lock of the door and focused inwards. _Control and precision._ It would have used to be an impossible feat, but she knew that she was more than capable of it now. 

The lock grew cold, and probably would have hurt a normal person to even touch, but Elsa forced it to freeze even further until the mechanism became brittle and easy to break. With a final flick of her hand, the door flew open.

Sure enough, there sat her sister. The first thing that hit Elsa was that her sister, lying atop her bed, was shirtless. The second was-

Elsa gasped and her heart missed several beats. “Anna, you’re…”

“A colossal piece of shit?” her sister supplied weakly.

And as she met Elsa’s eyes, Elsa saw the cry for help written so plainly on her face. She had _wanted_ Elsa to see- because she didn’t know how else to tell her?

“Oh, Anna,” whispered Elsa.

“You have every right to be upset at me,” Anna said calmly. And then, without warning, she burst into tears. 

* * *

_I’m not upset._

Of all the murmured reassurances Elsa had given her in the last fifteen minutes, Anna found this the most comforting.

As she had been wrapped in a blanket and was now being held by her sister as she cried, she realized that what felt even better than finally telling someone the truth and _finally_ allowing her emotions to pour out of her was knowing that her sister loved her regardless.

Anna didn’t want to say that she had forgotten how important her relationship with Elsa was, but the amount of crushing relief that she felt at being emotionally reconnected with her sister was something that she never could have expected.

 _I love you,_ she wanted to cry. _I just love you so much._

And so she did, many times over. Her sobs had turned rather hysterical and like most of the emotions she had experienced in the last four months, she couldn’t explain nor control her feelings. But even so, she knew that she owed her sister an explanation of some sort. 

Even though Elsa would never demand one of her, nor rush her in the process.

“We need to talk,” Anna said finally, hiccuping. She knew she was an ugly crier and felt guilty for staining her sister’s clothes with tears and snot, but Elsa didn’t seem to care.

Looking down at Anna, her sister nodded slowly. “We do, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to-”

“No, just stop,” Anna said and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “We’re doing it. Now.”

“Here, use this.” Elsa pulled a handkerchief out of a pocket and handed it to Anna.

Anna gratefully accepted and blew her nose. Despite having turned into a complete wreck, she hadn’t felt more like herself in months. 

“I’ve known for awhile,” Anna began after she finished folding the handkerchief into tiny squares. “I mean, there’s all the duh factors like skipping my cycle and throwing up all the time and having too many emotions. But I also just knew, but I think I didn’t want myself to know. Does that make sense?”

Elsa frowned down at her. Not in judgement but more in thought. “As though you didn’t want to accept it? So you knew unconsciously but you wouldn’t admit it to yourself?”

Anna slipped off her sister’s lap and situated herself beside Elsa instead. “Yes! Exactly.”

Elsa nodded in understanding. “But why, Anna? I mean, this is great. I know you and Kristoff wanted children. Is that still the case?”

Anna loosed a shaky sigh. “Yes, but…”

“But? Anna!” Elsa’s eyes widened and Anna reminded herself that her sister was still processing. “Does he even know?”

Anna’s silence was filled with guilt and Elsa shook her head, at a loss for words.

“ _How,_ Anna? You’re showing!”

Anna’s response was laced with a sorrow that even she herself was able to sense. “We haven’t been sleeping together. But I’m going to tell him. Soon.”

Soon. The word was both a promise and a lie. 

Elsa only stared at her, her eyes wide and unblinking.

Anna groaned and covered her face with her hands to escape her sister’s ice blue gaze. “I know that it’s _awful._ I think about it every second. But on top of that, I can’t have you judging me. Please, Elsa.”

Elsa remained quiet. It made Anna’s skin itch. Finally, she spoke. 

“You’re acting like me.” Her tone was quiet and filled with realization. 

Anna started. “What?”

“That’s something that I do. I bottle things up and shut people out. That’s supposed to be a me thing. You’re the one who’s supposed to ask for help.” Anna wasn’t sure, but she could have sworn that she heard an accusation in her tone.

“Well, we are related,” Anna said quietly, trying for a small smile. “Look Elsa, I’ve been having a really hard time. I tried to deal with it on my own, but things just kept adding up. I’ve missed you so much. And this queen stuff is really, really hard. I don’t know what I’m doing. At all.”

“Neither did I!” Elsa seized her hands. “Neither did I, and that’s why you should let me help you.”

“Because you don’t think that I can do it myself?”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she heard the insecurity in them and hated herself for it. Elsa looked as though she had been slapped.

“Anna…” she whispered. “Is that what you think that I think?”

“No,” Anna replied and she couldn’t stop the words from pouring out of her. “I think that I can’t do it. You probably know already about the truth behind Arendelle and what it was built upon. And that’s so _big,_ Elsa. I’m just one, stupid girl playing dress-up and substitute for her older, powerful sister and I’ve got no idea, _none,_ how to even begin to fix that issue and every day I’m reminded of how incompetent I am.”

Her voice broke. “And I’m mad at you for leaving, as childish as that is. Because as much as I want you to be happy, I can’t help but wonder what your true motives were in moving to the woods.”

Elsa’s eyes filled with tears. No, she didn’t look like she had been slapped. She looked like she had been shot. She let go of Anna’s hands and stood up off the bed in a single, fluid motion. She strode towards the window and looked out of it, her back to Anna and her posture rigid.

“Elsa?” Anna’s voice broke.

The answering silence was deafening.

“Well…” Elsa took a shaky breath. “I’m coming back, so it doesn’t matter.”

She turned to Anna, her hair shining silver in the starlight pouring in from the window. 

“Why.” Anna meant for her question to come out more of a, well, question. But it sounded just how she felt- demanding.

“It doesn’t matter,” her sister repeated. “Isn’t that what you want?”

Anna took two breaths in quick succession. “No. That’s not what I _want._ I _want_ you to be happy, and if that happiness doesn’t involve me then that _sucks_ , but it is what it is!”

Elsa stared at her, her eyes wide. Her hands were shaking and Anna could the feel temperature dropping. “My happiness _does_ involve you, Anna. It always has, and it always will.”

“Even when I force you to go on horrible dates?” Anna hated the scorn in her voice.

“It was one date!” she exclaimed, her face the perfect picture of pure exasperation. “But if we’re going to talk about that, I wish you’d _listen_ to me when I tell you that I don’t want to date random guys! I don’t want to date at all!”

“Fine! Then forget about it! I was just trying to help.” Her blood was heating, her voice loud, her face flushed. 

“I don’t need your help! I’m not a charity case!”

At this point, Anna stood up, her hands balled into fists at her sides. Her breathing was ragged, uneven. If Elsa was ice, Anna was her fiery counterpart. And she was going to go up in flames.

She opened her mouth, then closed it. She knew she could keep the words from bursting from her, but she also knew that if she started to say them, she wouldn’t be able to stop.

“Anna, just say it,” Elsa stared at her, her eyes glittering with the challenge. She probably noticed the smoke that was undoubtedly emitting from her sister. 

Anna couldn’t help it any more than she could help the random words pouring from her. She probably wasn’t making any sense, but she couldn’t stop. She had spent so long trying to hide her insecurities that they were all going to burst from her at once.

“I’m a bad sister!” she cried, her eyes squeezed shut. “I am a bad sister and a bad queen, and I am going to be a bad mother. I hate myself everyday for what I’ve put you through, and I don’t blame you for leaving- not one bit. Because I would have left me, too. And I know it isn’t good to think like that, but that is how I have been thinking and I’m _drowning_ in it. I can’t help but feeling that it’s only a matter of time before Kristoff leaves, too, and then my son will too as soon as he is old enough to think. I can’t do this, Elsa. I just can’t.”

In the split second before Anna looked away, she saw the flicker of understanding in her sister’s eyes. _She_ didn’t understand, though. Everything she had just said made little logical sense and made her sound as though she was crazy. Saying it out loud only made her more confused as to what was going on in her own brain. Unable to look back at her sister, she stared at the ceiling, hoping to bore holes through it with her eyes. She felt the bed shift as her sister sat down beside her. She heard Elsa take a deep breath.

“After our parents died, I thought it was my fault,” Elsa began. Anna snuck a look at her, but Elsa was looking at the floor. 

“I knew that that wasn’t rational and that there wasn’t anything I could have done to help them. But that was what I believed. I believed that they wanted to get away from me because they hated me and hated the monster they had given birth to.

“I believed that if I ever got close to anyone again, they would hate me, too. They would see the truth about me, and they would run, just like my parents had.”

Anna’s mind was whirling- mostly with confusion. “Elsa, why are you telling me this? I already… I already know that.”

Then Elsa looked at her and smiled drily. “Then you can finish the story, can’t you?”

Anna frowned. “Sure I could, but why-?”

Elsa’s gaze took on a look of urgency. “Finish it. I want to hear you finish the story.”

Anna sighed. She didn’t get the point, but she would indulge her sister if she had to.

“Well,” she began. “I got engaged at your coronation, told him he could move in, you got freaked out because you hated people-”

“No I did not!” Elsa interjected, but she was smiling. “And good call on my part, don’t you think?”

“Not answering that,” Anna narrowed her eyes. “Anyway, you ended up running away, I came to get you, and it took me nearly dying for you to re-enter my life. But you did. And it was fine.”

“No it wasn’t,” Elsa said calmly. “It wasn’t fine because I still carried the belief that once people found out about my power, they would want to get away from me.”

Anna was even more confused. “But I didn’t. I would never leave you.”

“And I didn’t know that,” Elsa went on. “So what did I do?”

Anna squinted at her in frustration. “You talked to me about it and told me everything you just did.”

A slow smile spread on her sister’s face. And remained there as Elsa stared at her, willing her to understand.

“Oh,” Anna said. “Oh, no. You’re wrong.”

Her sister grabbed her shoulders. “Anna, how am I wrong? Do you remember what you told me that day?”

Anna shrugged, made rather uncomfortable by the intensity of Elsa’s gaze. 

“You told me that any time I had thoughts like that, I should tell you, no matter how stupid I thought they were. Because what I needed was reassurance and you were able to give it to me. You told me that I should never be afraid to ask for what I needed from you because you would always be there to give it, and you would never judge me for asking or for what I was feeling.”

Elsa’s stare became suddenly tender and sad. “How was it so hard for you to be able to expect the same from me?”

For the third time in an hour, Anna’s throat began to feel tight. 

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “You were so far away. And it was all building up so fast. I didn’t know what to do. I got it in my mind that you didn’t want to be around me anymore. And I know it’s stupid, but-”

“It’s not,” Elsa interrupted. 

Anna looked up, surprised. “What?”

“It’s not stupid,” Elsa told her. “I don’t think that it is, and it isn’t. So, just like I did, I want you to tell me everything you’ve been feeling and we can talk through it together.”

Anna ducked from her gaze, sheepish. “I don’t really think that you would have left me, though. Or that you hated me.”

Elsa’s voice was gentle. “Of course you didn’t. But I did leave, and you don’t really know why so that caused you to jump to a few possibilities that made feel the way that you do.” 

With a cool hand, she cupped Anna’s face and gently tilted her head back to face her. “You’re not alone, Anna. I’m here now.”

A single tear rolled down Anna’s cheek, and she realized that for the first time in weeks, she no longer felt empty.

* * *

It wasn’t pretty. Elsa was sure they talked for hours. It hurt her heart, hearing everything that Anna had gone through in the past months and how she had kept it hidden from everyone. There were many tears shed and many words exchanged. 

Elsa knew she couldn’t fix what had happened in the past or change how Anna had interpreted her actions. She knew that the most she could do was just sit quietly and listen to what her sister had to say. That that was what Anna needed. But that didn’t mean it was easy. 

She wanted to apologize. She wanted to do _something._ But Anna was right, she didn’t hold Elsa responsible for her own interpretations of her actions. And Elsa hadn’t done anything wrong. Besides, of course, failing to notice what was right in front of her.

 _It’s not you that I was upset at,_ Anna had said multiple times. _It was me. I had too many expectations for myself._

 _It doesn’t make you any less of a person to need help or to not know how to do something,_ Elsa had answered. _I need help all of the time._

Anna had only offered a watery smile in return, which was how Elsa knew that her words were getting through. Or at least, she hoped they were. 

“Do you want…?” Anna asked now, her voice trailing off uncertainly. 

Elsa turned to her, startled. The two of them had flopped back onto the bed and were staring up at the ceiling as they talked.

“What?”

Anna gestured to her belly. “You can’t really feel anything yet, but…”

Elsa sat up quickly, her heart suddenly pounding in excitement. She reached out tentatively. “You sure?”

Anna laughed and took Elsa’s hand, and pressed it onto her pregnant stomach. True to Anna’s word, she couldn’t feel anything, but knowing that their her sister’s child was living beneath her hand was truly incredible.

“I’m going to be an aunt,” Elsa whispered, in awe.

Anna smiled. “Yes, you are.”

“And you,” Elsa removed her hand and pointed at her sister. “You’re going to be a mother.”

Anna’s smile vanished, and she bit her lip. “Yes...”

“And?” Elsa coaxed the words out of her sister- the words she knew were there. 

“And I am terrified,” Anna whispered, staring up at the ceiling as her eyes filled with liquid. “I know that you’re supposed to be terrified. But I want to make a good impression on this little person. I want to _so bad,_ Elsa. I want to be a good mother."

“And you will be,” Elsa promised, wishing her sister could feel just how much she believed it. “You’ll be the best mother.”

Elsa frowned then, considering. 

“What? What’s wrong?” her sister asked. 

Tentatively, Elsa spoke again. “But I think you need to tell Kristoff.”

Anna’s eyes widened with understanding. “Of course. I am going to tell him as soon as I can. Like, literally right now.”

She sat up and Elsa could see the dull horror in her face. “I’ve really screwed up, haven’t I? He is going to hate me.”

Elsa grabbed Anna’s hands. “You made a mistake. I’m not going to try to sugarcoat it for you. But I don’t think he is going to hate you. That man could never hate you, Anna. I think you just need to tell him what you told me.”

Anna nodded, solemn. Elsa knew that this was something that she couldn’t get involved in. This part was Anna’s to deal with.

Her sister was nearly to the door when she turned around. “Wait…” she said. “Earlier, did you say that you were coming back?”

“Oh,” Elsa said stupidly. She had forgotten she had brought it up. “Yes, I am.”

Anna’s brow furrowed. “Why? You better not be doing it for me. I know how happy you are there, with _Honeymaren_ and whoever else.”

Elsa knew her sister was jealous of her relationship with Honeymaren but didn’t know how to put it into words that with Honeymaren it was… different. She wasn’t even sure that she understood it herself. Ignoring that, she responded.

“No, it’s not that. It’s… well, it’s complicated. And a long story. And I am going to need your help.”

Anna opened her mouth, her face the picture of confusion, but Elsa held up a hand. 

“And it can wait. Go.”

“Fine,” called Anna as the door was shutting behind her. “But I am holding you to that.”

Elsa hid her trembling hands and plastered a smile on her face.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back! It's been awhile. School and life really got the better of me, and I never wanted to give this as much of a break as I did, but that is what happened. However, in the wake of current events, I am drowning in time. It is really good to be getting back into this- I have missed it so much. Hopefully I can get this finished up here. I hope y'all are staying safe and healthy in this difficult time. I love you all and thanks for reading.


	14. Dancing Really isn't that Fun

Ryder stared down at himself. The suit Kristoff had sent was nothing like he had ever worn before, and it felt strange. Looking down at his body clad in coarse, black fabric, was like looking down at the body of a stranger that was still, well, him. It wasn’t a bad sort of difference, just… different. 

Again, Ryder looked towards the note that sat on the small table in the middle of his tent. There were actually two notes sitting on his table but he first directed his attention to the one that he hadn’t written. Though he couldn’t read it from the distance, he still remembered it clearly. It had been a short note, after all.

_ Ryder, _

_ Glad you are coming tonight. I hope the suit fits alright. It was one of mine, and I figured we were about the same size.  _

_ -Kristoff _

Kristoff had invited him to the Winter Ball about a week ago. Ryder said that he would happy to attend. And though his friend had told him he could wear whatever he wanted, Ryder had asked Kristoff if he had anything that Ryder could borrow. What he didn’t add was that he didn’t want to stand out in a crowd of Arendellians who, recent events considered, didn’t seem to be very fond of his own people.

_ It’s not cowardice,  _ Honeymaren had told him.  _ It’s just being smart. _

She too wasn’t wasn’t wearing one of her own clothing items. In fact, he wasn’t quite sure what she was wearing, but he knew that trip earlier that week into the city had something to do with it. 

All things aside, Ryder knew that there wasn’t anything wrong with wearing the clothes of the city of people. It was just… strange. Strange, and new.

Pushing the thought of his clothing out of his mind, Ryder directed his attention to the second letter on his table. To be quite honest, it wasn’t much of a letter at all because it only had two words in his own writing.

_ Queen Anna, _

And then he had stopped. He remembered the day he had found out. With urgency clouding his judgement, he had raced to send out a letter to the queen of Arendelle. He had addressed it to her, his head filled with everything he needed to tell her which was… what, exactly?

Though all of the evidence was there, he began to second-guess himself. Then he began to wonder, had he just been jumping to conclusions? And if he was correct, then why hadn’t Elsa or his sister already told the queen? There had to be a reason. There had to be some reason they were keeping it a secret. And if he was correct, Elsa’s life was already hanging in the balance, and he definitely did not want to be the one that screwed everything up for them. 

He told himself that he would confront them- both Honeymaren and Elsa. He would just ask them about the truth. But nearly a week had gone by and he still hadn’t said anything. He  _ had  _ however been monitoring both of them, making sure that they never went anywhere alone. He knew that they were more than capable of protecting themselves, but he also didn’t know what they were facing, if anything. And he figured that it would be better to have another person there for backup should anything happen. 

He was quite relieved that nothing had happened though, even as Elsa and Honeymaren had gotten more and more terse with him as he insisted on following them around. 

Tonight, he would talk to Anna and just see if she knew anything. You never could be too careful, he figured. 

* * *

“Elsa, what are you doing?”

Elsa turned her head to the side to see Anna at the far end of the currently-empty ballroom. Her sister’s hands were on her hips and she was glaring down at her. 

“Good vantage point,” Elsa hummed nonchalantly, focusing her attention back to the ceiling. As if to demonstrate, she pointed at the nearest rafter, instantly coating it in ice and then forming from it the biggest icicles she could manage without creating a possibility that they would break lose and fall. 

Elsa heard the frown in Anna’s voice. “You don’t lay on the floor. Elsa, former queen of Arendelle, doesn’t lay on the floor. Is something wrong?”

Elsa stifled a sigh. Everything was “wrong”. Today she had “moved out” of her home. This morning, she had said goodbye to Honeymaren before heading out to visit her sister, and she wouldn’t be going back. Her tiny little tent would no longer be considered her home, and in the few days she’d had since her talk with Anna, she’d come to the agonizing decision that she would never return.

Her tent had been cleared of its few possessions over the course of the last few days. She had left her furs in place, assuming she wouldn’t need them. And quietly, she would slip away without a reason. None of the Northuldra knew or even suspected that she would be going back to live in the castle, but Anna knew. And Kristoff. And Elsa knew that everyone else would find out soon that the cold, aloof ice princess had left without any sort of warning.

It hurt. The choice that she had made hurt so unbearably bad as she imagined her friends’ reactions when they discovered she had left without even saying goodbye. They would feel betrayed, and then, just like everyone else, they would form their opinions. She was rude. She was ungrateful. She never deserved to be considered one of them. 

Even stronger than that pain was her fear. Even now, the words from the letter floated through her brain, reminding her of what could happen if she didn’t leave. She knew that it was better this way. It was better to break it off without any sort of warning because that decreased the chance of anyone coming after her or trying to change her mind. It was better that they hated her than end up dead. 

Especially in light of all the recent events that had caused the Northuldra so much struggle and turmoil, Elsa knew that she was making the right choice. Those kind, loving people who had taken her in as one of their own didn’t deserve the danger that she was exposing them to.

Then there was the other reason that she had decided to leave without warning- one that made her, if possible, feel even worse about everything.

It had to do with Honeymaren, of course.  _ Everything  _ had to do with Honeymaren. That dark-haired woman had waltzed unknowingly into her life, had become her partner in this whole ordeal, and had become the one person in the world who she felt truly saw her and who she would do anything for. She had numerous other unnamable feelings for the woman, too, and that’s how she knew that things were becoming dangerous.

Elsa imagined that with only the note at play, she would have told Honeymaren. They would have formulated a plan together. Elsa still would have left, but there would have been no reason, absolutely none, for her not to tell her friend about it. After all, the note hadn’t said not to.

Then, after all was said and done, she would have come back. But now she knew that she couldn’t. Not only because of the threat and the way that she had endangered the Northuldra, but because of the dangerous, terrifying feelings she kept locked inside. 

She remembered the day she walked through town with Honeymaren. She remembered the way Honeymaren’s cheeks turned rosy in the cold. She remembered the way that her eyes had sparkled in the sunlight. She remembered the thrill that had gone through her whenever the woman had bumped her arm by accident, or casually rested her hand on her shoulder. Elsa could deny it no longer. She knew what she felt and what could happen if she let it. She knew that her feelings could grow, and that it would be easy to let them. She knew that Honeymaren was like  _ her.  _ And it was possible, she thought, that someday Honeymaren could come to feel the way about Elsa that Elsa felt about her. 

In the few days that passed, Elsa had, for just a moment, allowed herself to think of a world where she and Honeymaren were together. Where Elsa’s feelings manifested into what she was trying so hard to avoid. The thoughts filled her with terror. She was terrified to make that leap. Because it would be a leap. It would be a leave-all-she-knew-behind and fling-herself-into-a-dark-bottomless-chasm sort of leap. Aside from that fear, however, she couldn’t deny the thrill of excitement that went through her. And that excitement was the most terrifying thing of all. 

So she had pushed the fantasy from her mind and banished it far away where she could never think of it again. It was too painful to pine over what she knew that she couldn’t have.

Maybe- possibly- Elsa could have Honeymaren, but she knew that she couldn’t have Anna too. She would lose both her sister and her brother-in-law if they found out. Elsa had thought hard about it for the past few days, and, reverberating through her mind, were those words that Anna had said all those years ago. They had stuck with her, and caused her to hide the part of herself that she had come to fear. 

_ That’s… that’s not right.  _ She imagined Anna looking at her and saying it. How her face would be filled with shock and disappointment, and Elsa would shatter. She would be completely destroyed. 

Being back on good terms with her sister felt better than Elsa ever could have imagined. Now that everything was out in the open between them (well, almost all of it), she was now able to be close again with the person who meant the most to her. But if Anna found out, Elsa would lose that. And she had decided that that wasn’t a chance that she wanted to take. 

So it was perfect, in a rather twisted way. Under the guise of leaving under the note’s threat, Elsa would also be able to cut ties with Honeymaren as needed to be done. No one would get hurt that way. Elsa and her sister could solve the mystery surrounding the hunters, and Elsa would stay in Arendelle. Forever.

Logistically, if Elsa was able to pull this off, everyone would live happily ever after. No one would be endangered because of her, or have protect themselves because of her. But it also still felt like her heart was tearing itself in two. It hurt more than she cared to admit to think that the last time she ever saw Honeymaren would be tonight at the dance. 

“You don’t know everything about me.” Elsa airily waved a hand at her sister, feigning an indifference that she certainly did not feel. 

She watched Anna’s eyes widen in mock incredulity. 

“Excuse me, what?” she started, her tone a scoff. “I know-”

She was interrupted by a tall, blonde man coming behind her and wrapping his arms around her middle.

“How goes the decorations?” asked Kristoff.

“Ask Elsa,” Anna replied, tilting her head up to kiss her husband on the cheek.

Elsa hid a smile. She was pleased to find that her sister and brother-in-law’s relationship did not seem to be permanently damaged in any way after the long, long conversation they’d had after the one Elsa and Anna had. She didn’t know how Kristoff had reacted upon finding that his wife was pregnant and hadn’t told him, but something told her that this week had been one of healing for both of them. She’d done her best to steer clear of the couple for the days since she’d visited Arendelle the last time to give them the space she knew they’d need. 

“Elsa!” called Kristoff. “Why are you on the ground?”

“Why aren’t you?” Elsa returned. With another lazy flick of her hand, she had icicles spouting from the window trim. 

“I think she’s sulking,” came Anna’s voice. “But I am not entirely sure why.”

She addressed Elsa now. “Elsa, we both know that you could do that within moments. Why don’t you come get ready with me, and you can figure out the decorations later? I’m sure that whatever you do is going to look great.”

Elsa hid a dry laugh. Anna thought she was stressed about how good the decor looked. It was almost funny. Instead of correcting her, though, she gingerly pushed herself up off of the floor, dusting herself off.

“Alright,” she said, offering a meek smile. She figured that she could use a distraction anyways. 

Anna’s face split into a wide, beautiful smile. “Great! We can do each other’s hair!”

“You could do mine, too,” Kristoff offered. 

“No,” Anna pushed past him, nose in the air. “Girls only.”

Kristoff pretended to act put-out.

“I don’t know, Anna,” Elsa called after her. “You could be passing up a rare opportunity.”

Kristoff and Elsa shared a smile as Elsa departed the room, and as she walked by him, he gave her shoulder a little squeeze that filled her chest with warmth. 

_ Family is what is most important,  _ she told herself as she entered the hallway.  _ You’re doing the right thing.  _

She only wished that it felt like it. 

* * *

People. People were everywhere. 

Laughter and gossip filled the night air, and all those  _ people  _ decked out and bejeweled in silks, satins, and other expensive material strode through the streets, all heading towards the castle. 

It stood stark and glowing against the velvet, black sky, and not for the first time, Honeymaren felt the vast difference between her life and Elsa’s. And between her life and all of these people’s.

But strangely enough, she fit among them perfectly. She was just another woman on the arm of a man, dressed in midnight silk, walking to the ball. She had been worried that she would stand out or that people would look at her and instantly know that she didn’t belong, but now she was rather concerned that that was not the case.

“Are you alright?” Ryder looked down at her. 

Honeymaren cleared her throat. She still couldn’t get used to the image of Ryder wearing a suit. 

“I’m fine,” she said. “Just…”

She knew that the way she trailed off spoke volumes that only her brother would understand. He nodded.

“Yeah. It’s weird.”

Together, they walked in silence arm in arm, following the masses towards the brightly lit palace gates. Honeymaren had the distinct feeling that she was wandering into battle, rather than what was supposed to be a fun, recreational activity, and kept her head held high and her expression stony. 

But upon entering the ballroom, her entire facade fell apart as her jaw dropped. She gasped. 

It was beautiful. Glittering ice covered every available surface. Icicles clung from the ceiling in spiky clusters. Enormous dark green trees covered in sparkling snow were gathered in the corners of the enormous, sprawling space. And throughout it all, snowflakes drifted lazily through the air. 

It was cold, but not unpleasantly so. The majority of the women around seemed to be dressed in fur-lined silk, like how Honeymaren herself was, and the men were dressed in attire similar to Ryder’s. The people crowded the large space, talking, laughing, dancing to what appeared to be a live orchestra, the likes of which Honeymaren had never seen or heard before.

The entire experience instantly overwhelmed all of her senses. She felt big and small all at once, that she was both taking up space and not really there at all. 

“Champagne?” 

Honeymaren whirled and came face to face with a pretty, green-eyed woman balancing a silver platter carrying sparkling flutes of bubbling golden liquid. She turned to Ryder and saw her own bemused uncertainty reflected in his expression. 

“No- no, thank you,” she stammered, and the woman didn’t even blink before she turned back into the fray. 

“We might want to move,” Ryder murmured, leaning down to make his voice heard and Honeymaren realized that they were standing frozen in the middle in the entry way, blocking the flow of traffic. 

“Oh, right,” Honeymaren flushed and turned, dragging Ryder after her. She beelined away from the whirling skirts and clasped hands of those moving to the upbeat song of the orchestra. She stopped in the shadowed alcove behind an ice-covered marble pillar.

Ryder seemed, as always, strangely unaffected by everything. With a manner that suggested pure relaxation, he reached out and pressed his palm flat against the ice covered pillar. 

“Wow…” he muttered. 

“Did Elsa really do all of…” he gestured to the ballroom at whole. “This?”

Honeymaren shook her head, dismissing the question. “Not the time.”

Though if she was honest with herself, she had to admit that she was quite amazed by all of it, too. She felt as though she could count on a single hand the times she had seen Elsa use her powers for anything besides utility purposes, and she was sure that she had never seen Elsa perform something so extravagant. 

Because that’s what this was, wasn’t it? A performance. These people could hide behind their silks and jewels and riches, but Honeymaren knew who they were. She knew these sort of people. These were the sort of people who would take her land without even a second thought to those who lived on it. All the while, they would go on living in their pretty little townhouses, completely unaffected by the misfortune of others. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Ryder stared at her in alarm, his brow knit in concern. “We’ve been here for all of two minutes, and you already look like you want to kill someone.”

Honeymaren blew out a sigh of frustration. “Look, it’s just… look. Look at them.”

Ryder turned to the sea of people beyond them. “All of the people dancing and having a good time? Like we should be?”

Honeymaren glared at him. “You know what I mean.”

Her brother sighed in defeat. “I do, Maren. And I understand. I just think that now isn’t the time to be getting upset over things. We’re here to have fun and spend time with our friends who invited us here, and that’s all. But if you haven’t noticed, we’re hiding behind a pillar like two antisocial idiots and if the plan was to not draw attention to ourselves, I think we are doing a pretty bad job.”

There was a beat of silence. Then, “You’re right.”

Ryder looked genuinely surprised. “You think so?”

Honeymaren took a deep breath. She was trying. She really was. “No, you are. This is just way different than anything we’ve ever done, and I panicked a bit.”

Her brother squeezed her shoulder. “I know. Me too. But you should find Elsa. She’ll want to see you. And you’ll obviously want to see her.”

He wiggled his eyebrows and Honeymaren punched him lightly in the arm. “We aren’t doing that. I shouldn’t have told you that anyways.”

“Aww, why not?” grinned Ryder, feigning disappointment. “I mean, I already knew. What’s the difference? For real though, I think she’s really good for you.”

Then as an afterthought, he added, “It just must be kind of strange.”

“What must be kind of strange?” 

Her brother’s face had taken on an uncharacteristic glint. It appeared to be bordering on cautious with a hint of intensity. “Her being the former queen and all. And, you know, the fifth spirit."

Honeymaren squinted at him, trying to tell if he being sarcastic or something. “No…? What? Why would that- Look, Elsa is one of us. She is not like these people. She is not like any of them.”

Ryder dismissed her, shaking his head vigorously. “No, no, that’s not what I mean. I just think it might be rather scary.”

Honeymaren squinted harder. But if anything, it seemed more like  _ he  _ was studying  _ her.  _

“What.”

“Well, I don’t know. It just seems like she’d have a lot of enemies.”

She was sure that her expression had turned incredulous, but Ryder only stared at her, seemingly gauging for some sort of reaction.

“What on  _ earth  _ are you going on about?” Honeymaren asked, a sharp edge of disbelief coating her words. She was deeply confused, and her mind was whirling. 

But before Ryder could answer, she heard her name being called and turned around. By the time she looked back to where Ryder had been standing, he was gone.

“Honeymaren? What are you doing?” 

And suddenly, there was Elsa striding toward her in that way that she did, her bright blue eyes cautious and worried as always. And, just like always, her mere presence succeeded in accelerating Honeymaren’s heart rate and dampening her palms.

She was beautiful. She wore a long, dove gray gown that shimmered in light from the chandeliers. Honeymaren remembered Elsa picking out the fabric the day they had been in town together, but she never could have imagined the extravagant dress it had been made into. Aside from that, Elsa’s white gold hair was piled atop her head in an artfully messy sort of way. From her ears dangled crystal blue teardrops that matched her eyes.

“Elsa, you’re gorgeous,” Honeymaren managed as the woman strode up and stopped before her. 

She was pleased to see Elsa’s cheeks flush. 

“Thank you,” she murmured modestly. “And you…”

It was Honeymaren’s turn to blush as Elsa scanned her up and down-- slowly. Her own dress felt suddenly tight in all the wrong places and her next breath was shaky. 

Elsa had picked up her dress for her and dropped it off at her tent only yesterday. Honeymaren had stared at it for a good long while in awe, wondering how she could possibly wear such a thing.

Not because it felt too good for her. Though it was beautiful, Honeymaren knew that the minute she put it on, the only distinction that could be made between her and an Arendellian was their skin tone, and she wasn’t sure she liked that.

But once she had put the dress on, she, for a moment, forgot all of her concerns and marvelled at the way that the dark blue silk clung to her in ways she never could have imagined. Not having any jewels or shoes to go with it, or the knowledge of any fanciful styles, Honeymaren had simply thrown on her own slippers and left her hair down as it was- dark, unruly, and wavy.

Elsa’s gaze had reached her hair now and Honeymaren could almost feel the desire in Elsa’s eyes-- to do what though, she didn’t know. Honeymaren wished that Elsa would reach forward and sink those beautiful, long fingers into her hair and then step even closer until they were only a hair’s breadth apart and then…

Elsa stepped back almost suddenly, and her expression became guarded. 

“It’s nice to see you,” she said cordially, and Honeymaren had a sudden desire to punch something. It wasn’t like she wasn’t used to it, though. Especially these last few days, she’d gotten quite used to Elsa pulling away. Even more so than usual, it had seemed that Elsa been kidnapped by all those mysterious thoughts in her head.

“You just did,” Honeymaren couldn’t resist responding. “This morning.”

This, Elsa seemed to have no response to. She reached up as if to tuck her own hair behind her ear, then seemed to realize that it was all on top of her head. Honeymaren watched as her hand fell back to its side awkwardly.

“What are you doing back here?” Elsa asked again and Honeymaren once again realized that she was at a ball and hiding off in the shadows. That didn’t seem weird or anything.

“I…” she started, finding that she had really nothing to say. “I guess I just found it more comfortable back here. But I just got here too, so…”

Elsa took no notice of her rambling and instead visibly relaxed. “I don’t like these sort of things either. I used to just follow Anna around everywhere and excuse myself early.”

Honeymaren found a smile playing on her own lips. “And now?”

Elsa looked at her shyly. “Well, now you’re here.”

She felt a warmth in her heart then-- a glow that spread throughout her entire body and she smiled wider at Elsa as if to show it.

Elsa, on the other hand, appeared at war with herself. Her brow furrowed, and she looked suddenly lost in thought. Then, as if one side won out, she stared at Honeymaren with an expression akin to frustration upon her features.

“Would you like me to show you a quieter place away from all of this?”

Honeymaren had never agreed more quickly to anything. 

* * *

Ryder hadn’t been expecting to be asked to dance. As he tried to move through the people on the dance floor, attempting to avoid stepping on skirts and toes, a hand grabbed his arm firmly, and he found himself turning, already ready to apologize to whoever he must have maimed with his clumsiness.

Instead he found himself coming face to face with a lovely dark-haired woman with skin the shade of porcelain, a small smile playing on her mouth.

“Hello?” he asked politely. “If you’d excuse me, there’s someone I need to…”

But he trailed off as he took in her expression. Her head was cocked as if studying him, her eyes dark and unreadable.

“Dance with me,” she said, her voice rich and throaty. It wasn’t a question. 

He spared one glance behind him helplessly trying to spot a head of copper hair among the masses before he allowed himself to be swept away by the woman. 

He had never danced in this manner before, but almost as if the woman expected it, she moved his hand to her waist before placing her own on his shoulder. Then she led them around the room, steering expertly, first slow and then faster as Ryder got the hang of it. It was more difficult than he’d expected but still rather doable.

“You’re Northuldran, aren’t you?” 

“Um.” He stumbled and felt her hold on him tighten to steady him. The whole time, her eyes never left his face.

“I am, yes,” he managed, suddenly rather ill at ease. “What gave it away?”

She smirked. “Well, you’re definitely an outsider. You seem to have never been to a dance before. And then there’s your sister… So I just put the pieces together.”

To him, it didn’t seem like nearly enough information to have come to that conclusion, and he didn’t like the way she had trailed off when she spoke of Honeymaren. 

“What’s your name?”

She only laughed. “Say, do you know Elsa?”

Ryder narrowed his eyes, his stomach clenching. “I’ve seen her around a few times.”

She smiled knowingly at him and steered them around a intertwined couple. 

“Isn’t it amazing? What she can do?” the woman gestured with her chin, probably referring to the ice decor.

“I suppose so,” he said flatly, trying inconspicuously to scan the people for the queen. 

The woman drummed her fingers on his shoulder, drawing his attention back to her, probably aware of his searching.

“Have you seen her use her powers?”

“No,” he lied. 

Her smile widened, and he had a sudden suspicion that he was walking right into her trap. 

“Weaknesses? Limits?” 

“Now listen-”

“Kidding, obviously.” Her laugh sent shivers down his spine. “I know you’re loyal enough not to answer that. Especially with what she is to your sister.”

It was a warning, he realized. She wanted him to know about all that she knew or that  _ they  _ knew. She may not have been planning to act, but her message was clear.

_ We have the upper hand. _

The song ended with a flourish and partners split off, bowing to one another. She released him, too, and curtsied in a way that could only be mocking and disappeared into the crowd with a finger flutter in his direction.

He wanted to go after her- to seize her by the shoulders and demand her to tell him how she knew all that she did. But he knew that there were more pressing concerns at hand. And he needed to find Anna. Quickly.

* * *

Elsa led Honeymaren outside into the wide, dark courtyard and breathed in the crisp, fresh air. She felt herself relax considerably now away from the sweaty, crowded clamor of the people inside, and she tilted her face up to the night sky, savoring the bite of the cold wind.

There were few people in the outdoors, probably due to the chill, and those that were seemed to be mostly couples arm in arm and deep in conversation. And of course-

“You turned it into an ice rink,” Honeymaren murmured behind her, her voice filled with wonder.

Elsa turned back to look at her and her heart squeezed tight. Honeymaren’s dark brown hair gleamed in the moonlight. She looked radiant, and Elsa knew that if she wasn’t careful, she would end up regretting this night. She had told herself that she would remain cordial to her friend throughout the night, never allowing the two of them to be alone together, and then she would part ways early to make it easier. But here she was, going against it all. She couldn’t even tell why. It was as though there was an invisible force pushing her to do things, and she couldn’t even think to go against it.

_ Give in,  _ that invisible force seemed to say.  _ You know what you want, what should keep you from it? _

Elsa scrunched her brow. She was giving in, she knew it. But maybe that voice was right. It  _ was  _ her last night with the woman, after all. Who was to say that she couldn’t have what she wanted just  _ once?  _

_ It’s just going to make it harder,  _ a reasonable part of herself whispered. 

But it was just a thought. And here was the real, tangible Honeymaren with her luminous dark eyes, glowing in the moonlight, overwhelming both her senses and her sensibility. 

_ Just one night. This is such a bad idea.  _

Ignoring her conflicting thoughts, Elsa smirked. “Can you skate?”

Honeymaren’s eyes went wide. “No, but I think I could learn pretty quickly.”

Then she frowned, her perfect lips pressing together. “We don’t have skates.”

“You underestimate me, Maren.” With a flick of Elsa’s hand, Honeymaren suddenly grew a couple inches suddenly due to the shimmering ice blades at the bottom of her feet. 

Honeymaren immediately gasped and lost balance, her feet skidding in opposite directions on the ice. But Elsa was there, grabbing her forearms tightly to steady her, aware of the feel of Honeymaren’s skin under her fingers.

“Not fair,” Honeymaren said breathlessly, but she was smiling.

“You’ve got it,” Elsa murmured. She gently repositioned the woman so that Honeymaren clung to her arm and managed to stand on the ice, albeit quite shakily, and magicked herself some skates of her own.

“Now you just-”

She pushed off sideways with her foot to demonstrate, and Honeymaren nearly lost balance again. She had never seen the other woman so out of her element and the thought of it allowed her no small amount of pleasure or amusement.

“You try,” Elsa laughed.

“Like this?” 

Elsa tried to pay attention but found the tightening of Honeymaren’s hand around her upper arm to be far more captivating. “One more time.”

Honeymaren did so, with Elsa pushing off to assist. 

“Wonderful,” Elsa breathed.

And so they set off onto the makeshift rink though very slowly and awkwardly with Honeymaren clinging tightly to her and nearly falling several times. Normally it would have made her impatient, but Elsa found she didn’t mind a bit. Even as the other skaters cast them strange looks and cast a wide berth around them, probably recognizing Honeymaren’s beginner skills, Elsa couldn’t find it in her to care.

The pair made it around twice before either of them uttered a word besides Elsa’s occasional vague encouragement and Honeymaren’s slight cries of distress whenever she lost her balance. She seemed to be focusing extra hard and Elsa didn’t want to interrupt that. She was content to skate in silence anyway. 

She figured that she would have been content to go the whole night in silence as long as Honeymaren was on her arm. But as most things went, it didn’t last.

“Elsa,” Honeymaren began as they started their third lap. 

“Hm?” Elsa returned noncommittally.

“Are you sure that it’s…” she trailed off as if searching for words.

“What?” asked Elsa, coming to attention.

Honeymaren shook her head. “I don’t want to be the one to bring this up, but are you sure that it’s safe out here?”

“Safe?” Elsa frowned. “You don’t feel safe? What’s wrong?”

Honeymaren let loose a small laugh. “No, I’m fine. I just was thinking about the people who are after you. I mean, I doubt they would go the lengths to attack you in the palace, but this ball was open to everyone, and I mean, wouldn’t it be kind of easy for them to…?”

“Ah,” Elsa nodded. Anna had said the same thing earlier and had doubled the palace security because of it. 

“I’m not worried,” Elsa said, because she wasn’t. She, though unwilling to admit it, had thought long and hard about it, too. “Whoever these people are, they seem to value anonymity. Attacking in such a public space doesn’t seem like their style. Not to mention, there are countless guards who would be upon them in an instant if they tried anything.”

Honeymaren cocked her head, considering. “I mean, yes. But Elsa, you could already be dead before any sort of guards got to you. These people still might not know what we know and still want to kill you because…”

Her voice got considerably quieter as a couple passed near them. “Because they might still think that they can get your power that way. These are dangerous people, Elsa, and our lack of knowledge about their motives only makes them more so. These people could be incredibly foolish and lack knowledge, and that is the most dangerous thing of all.”

With the knowledge of the threat in her mind, she was fairly certain that whoever was behind the mysterious acts was unlikely to act tonight at all, but she couldn’t say that.

“But they can’t and by killing me, they would gain nothing except a life-sentence,” Elsa countered.

Honeymaren was affronted. “But you would be dead!”

‘So?’ was on the tip of Elsa’s tongue, but the thought horrified her. She stayed silent.

“I know that you don’t seem to care about well-being all that much, but at the very least, I do. And I would like you to stay alive,” Honeymaren whispered, a sharp edge to her voice.

Elsa’s heart squeezed. 

“I do care,” she replied, and was surprised to find the words true, and to find emotion wedged thickly in her words. “However…”

She then looked down at Honeymaren sternly. “I am extremely confident in my abilities, and I do not think that anyone, foolish or not, would be stupid enough to cross me in my own territory.”

At this, she gestured to the ice rink at large, and Honeymaren seemed to relax, realizing the truth of her words. And as Honeymaren relaxed, she felt herself relax, too.

Honeymaren looked at her, and by the glint in her eyes, Elsa could tell the conversation was shifting gears. “It’s cold out here.”

Elsa allowed a small smile to touch her lips. “Really? I hadn’t noticed.”

Honeymaren rolled her eyes dramatically. “Of  _ course  _ you didn’t.”

“Well, would you like to go somewhere to get out of the cold, then?”

The words were out of her mouth before she could think about them, or think about the implications of them. Her heart skipped a beat, and judging by Honeymaren’s expression, so did hers.

“You’re acting different tonight,” Honeymaren whispered, her face half covered in shadow.

Elsa tilted her head to the side. “A good different?”

Honeymaren was silent. But then, ever so slightly, she nodded her head. 

“Yes to getting out of here? Or yes to me being a good different?” Elsa questioned, propelled by a confidence that came from within. 

“Both.”

* * *

The castle was dark, and the sounds of the ball were to be heard faintly and muffled from the floor beneath them. It was almost like they were in a different world now- one of echoing silence in cavernous, empty rooms and shadows that danced off the two women joined by their hands.

Honeymaren hadn’t spent much time in the castle, or really much time in Arendelle at all, and she couldn’t imagine growing up in such a large, empty place. The corridors felt like mazes, but Elsa led them confidently, and Honeymaren knew that she would trust the woman to lead her anywhere. 

They stepped into another hallway, this one illuminated by moonlight shining through the wide windows. Honeymaren snuck a glance at Elsa.

For once, her head was held high, her eyes glinting with a mysteriousness that Honeymaren rarely witnessed. Something was different with her, especially compared to her closed-off behavior earlier that week. 

It thrilled her. Because this was  _ Elsa _ , no holds barred, no boundaries. No fears, no hesitation. And it made her wish that  _ this,  _ whatever it was, would last forever. 

In front of her, Elsa came to a stop abruptly, in front of a random door, and Honeymaren nearly rammed into her.

“Well?” Honeymaren prompted. “What is this?”

“Well…” Elsa ran a hand through her hair. “This is my old room.”

“Oh…” Understanding dawned instantly, as well as the feeling of gratefulness-- that Elsa would trust her with this. It was the room of her past, where her friend had spent most of her childhood holed up.

“I wanted you to see it,” she continued. “I don’t know why.”

Even as she said the words, Elsa made no move to open the door, as if she was waiting for Honeymaren to say something, or perhaps to tell her that she didn’t want to see it. Judging from Elsa’s sudden expression, it seemed as though maybe that was what she expected.

Instead of answering, Honeymaren reached out in front of Elsa and gently opened the door, stepping inside without waiting to see if Elsa would follow.

It was clear that the room had been unused for quite a while, judging by the thick coat of dust on everything. And by everything, there certainly wasn’t a whole lot. Though the room was large and spacious like most of the rooms in the castle, the only pieces of furniture were a wardrobe, a desk and a large, canopied bed. There was absolutely no sign that a girl had grown up in the room.

Honeymaren strode to the wide window that took up the back wall and tried to imagine herself as Elsa, and what it had felt like to stare out these very windows every night for years on end. She realized that it made her feel quite small. 

Honeymaren heard a scraping noise and whirled around to see that Elsa had indeed followed her into the room. The woman stood bent over a lantern on the desk as sudden candlelight filled the room. Honeymaren watched as Elsa took her time in putting down the spent match and turned around to face her. She wasn’t sure if she was imagining it or not, but she was pretty sure that Elsa’s hands were shaking. 

Honeymaren understood the weight of it. Hell, this was probably Elsa’s equivalent of ripping off all her clothes and standing naked. But this seemed even more intimate, more vulnerable. This room might not have contained any of the Elsa that Honeymaren knew or the Elsa that she had fallen in love with, but it had kept her contained for years on end.

Honeymaren drew in a breath. “It’s kind of boring. Isn’t it?”

Elsa exhaled in answer, her shoulders loosing some of their tension. “It is rather boring.”

Honeymaren gestured to the room at whole. “There’s none of  _ you  _ here.”

At this, Elsa released a dry laugh. She pushed herself off of the desk and walked slowly towards Honeymaren to join her in front of the window. “I never really felt like  _ I  _ was really here anyway.”

Honeymaren stayed silent as she considered, studying the woman in front of her. She drank in the way her hair turned silver in the starlight, the way her ice blue eyes gleamed, her sad half smile.

“Do you feel like you’re here now?” Honeymaren asked.

Elsa took a step closer, shivered, and sighed. She bit her lip, and Honeymaren just waited. Silence fell around them, comfortable, thick, and speckled with starlight. They were close enough now that their breath mingled between them, and Honeymaren could count each individual freckle on Elsa’s cheeks. As Elsa’s mouth opened to answer, her heart sped up in anticipation.

“I feel like I am more  _ here _ than I’ve ever been,” Elsa breathed out and the raw honesty in her words was astounding.

Honeymaren could no more control her next action than she could her own heartbeat. She stretched up on the tips of her toes, cupping Elsa’s face in her hands. The brush of her lips on Elsa’s was feather-light and she pulled away a hair’s breadth of an inch, to give Elsa a chance to pull away if she wanted to.

She didn’t. She gasped as Elsa’s arms came around her suddenly, pulling her flush against her chest. She could feel all ten spots where Elsa’s fingertips dug into her back. And then Elsa was kissing her.

They moved slowly at first, as if drinking in the moment or getting the feel of each other. And then it seemed to turn into a matter of urgency. Elsa’s mouth moved against hers in a sudden fervor, her kisses becoming deeper and passion-filled. Honeymaren found her hands roving up into Elsa’s hair knocking loose her pins and sending her hair tumbling down her back and around her shoulders.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all night,” Honeymaren whispered against Elsa’s mouth, and Elsa’s low laugh sent hot spikes throughout her whole body. 

Honeymaren lowered her face to Elsa’s neck, slowly, sliding her mouth along her jaw line and then kissing down the slender column of her throat. All the while, Elsa’s hands moved lower… and lower…

And all of the sudden there was a loud slam as the door burst open. Elsa released her hold on her so fast that it left Honeymaren’s mind and body reeling, but it wouldn’t do any good. She knew how it looked.

Anna stepped in the room, much to Honeymaren’s horror, and then  _ Ryder  _ of all people to complete the strange pairing.

“Elsa,” Anna was gasping. “Thank god, listen, we need to get you somewhere safe right now. Ryder was just telling me that-”

And then she suddenly seemed to realize what had happened. She took in the pair of them- her eyes falling on Honeymaren’s rumpled dress and Elsa’s wildly ruined hair. Ryder seemed to be not the least bit surprised, but Anna…

Honeymaren could see her jaw working, her face going pale. Her eyes dawned in understanding, and her lips parted in surprise.

“...Elsa?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness. I know it's been awhile, and I feel like I say this every time, too. This chapter was very difficult to write, despite how much I had been looking forward to writing it since I began. I know my updates aren't coming as often as they used to, and I feel pretty bad about that. I'd like to say that I have plans to change that in the future, but I just don't know. I do know that after May is over, I will have a lot more time to be writing. As always, I'd like to say that I will finish this no matter how long it takes me, and hopefully it shouldn't be that much longer. Maybe you have noticed already, but there is now an end in sight ;)  
> Anyway, I'd like to thank all of you. I mean it when I say that I couldn't do this without all of your encouragement, feedback, and otherwise lovely comments. Thank you SO much for reading and for sticking with me. Please stay safe. Love you all.


	15. Misunderstanding

Elsa woke up in her own bed. It had been nearly four years since she had slept in her childhood room, instead preferring to sleep in Anna’s as she had since her own coronation. It was weirdly bizarre to see the same patterns on the ceiling that she had seen since she was little and to wake up underneath the same sheets.

For a couple seconds, her mind remained blissfully confused and then all of a sudden, the last night came rushing back to her.

She sat up with a horrified gasp and then laid back down. Then she got up again and put on her slippers. She needed air. She needed- 

_ Honeymaren. _

What had she done? She had  _ told  _ herself to keep her distance- to keep Honeymaren at a distance, and it was as though she had completely lost all of her self-control. 

They had-

Elsa’s hands flew to her mouth and she couldn’t help the wave of euphoria that filled her with the memory. But it was short-lived. She remembered Anna’s face and her shock. It had been exactly as she’d feared-- so much so that it had hardly felt real.

And then there was everything that had happened after…

* * *

Honeymaren kept trying to look at her. Out of the corner of her eye, Elsa kept seeing Honeymaren’s head turned toward her and could feel her practically begging her to meet her eyes. But she didn’t.

Rather, she stared stoically ahead as Ryder explained what happened and his encounter with the strange woman at the dance. 

“It doesn’t seem as if I am in any immediate danger,” Elsa said stiffly when he had finished.

The mood in the room was tense with everything unsaid, but Anna still threw up her hands, exasperated. 

“It doesn’t have to seem like anything. You’re never in danger until you are.”

“So I should go the rest of my life acting as though I might, at some point, be in danger?” Elsa retorted, her heart racing for numerous reasons. 

Anna scoffed. “You’re being unreasonable.”

Elsa felt herself glaring, even though she didn’t want to. Even though she didn’t feel angry. She just felt sick and tired. But Anna glared back and the feel of the room got tenser and icier. 

She could still feel Maren’s eyes on her, begging her to meet her gaze. It was, in the end, what caused her to speak.

“Maybe you two should go,” Elsa said in Ryder’s direction. “I’d like to talk to my sister. Alone.”

“You can still enjoy the dance downstairs, if you’d like!” Anna said, trying for some sense of normalcy. “Or I could have guards escort you home.”

“No need.”

It was Honeymaren who spoke. 

“I think we’ve had enough. Ryder?”

Elsa stared daggers into the wall as she felt Honeymaren walk by her on her way to the door, close enough to reach out and touch her should she want. Her body ached to do so. She could feel the as the distance between them increased, almost as if someone had tied a rubber band between them that pulled tighter and tighter as they got farther away.

She wondered if Honeymaren felt it, too.

“Good night,” Ryder said quietly. “Thank you for having us.”

Anna tried for a nod and smile, but Elsa stayed silent, still staring at the wall. She wouldn’t look at him, either. She wouldn’t look at any of them.

As the door closed behind Ryder, both sisters attempted to speak at once.

“Elsa…”

“You can leave.”

Anna looked hurt. No, she looked more than hurt. She looked disappointed, shocked, and devastated. Her blue eyes were swimming and her freckled brow was pinched together. The sight of her made Elsa want to throw something.

“You just said that you wanted to talk to me alone,” Anna whispered.

“I was  _ lying  _ so that they’d leave,” Elsa practically hissed. Her hands itching for something to do, she began winding her hair into a tight bun atop her head. 

“Well, I think we at least need to talk about what Ryder said,” Anna pleaded, still wearing that awful expression. 

“What is there to talk about?” she asked shortly.

“Well...:” Anna began, twisting her hands in front of her. “I just think that there’s something not right here. They know too much. And that letter… I don’t like it, Elsa. There has to be a reason for them asking you to leave the Northuldra because it literally makes no sense.”

“I was going to leave anyway.” Elsa shrugged in a careless manner that she knew would rile her sister, but Anna only smiled sadly.

“No, you weren’t.”

Elsa laughed, a low sound deep in her throat that sounded nothing like her. “Well there’s nothing keeping me there, is there. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Elsa!” Her name was said with such emotion that it caused Elsa to shudder.

She crossed the room to her old bed and threw back the dusty coverlet.

“Look,” Elsa said. “It’s not like there’s anything that we can do about it, and I’m tired of putting people in danger. Maybe this is for the best.”

Now Anna just looked angry. 

_ Good. _

“Maybe there  _ is  _ something that we could do if you didn’t insist on my swearing secrecy and doing everything by yourself. There  _ are  _ people out there who specialize in investigations like this that could probably solve this a lot better than you can.”

She huffed in a deep breath, and Elsa knew that she was only getting started. She gingerly climbed into bed, pretending she took no notice.

“Because you aren’t really doing anything. To me, it sounds like you haven’t really done anything this entire time except sit back and feel sorry for yourself, pretending like you’re being all heroic and self-sacrificing, but honestly, Elsa? It’s time to stop being so selfish. There are a lot of people who care about you and running from your problems isn’t going to solve them. So you better get your shit together before I start intervening and doing it for you. Which I shouldn’t have to do. Because you’re the oldest.”

Tears were running down her cheeks, but she still wasn’t finished.

“You’re the oldest and you should be the one who’s taking care of me. But what have you done? You’ve run off to the woods, gotten a girlfriend, and have left me to deal with everything. And now I am the one who has to take care of you as well as me.”

She stopped abruptly, her chest heaving, tears pouring from her eyes. Elsa was almost relieved. Relieved, and rather empty.

“Finished?” Elsa asked as casually as she could manage, even though it felt as though her organs were rupturing.

Anna shook her head, more disappointed than anything.

“Screw you, Elsa,” she said quietly, and left the room.

The silence in her absence was like nothing Elsa had ever experienced before.

* * *

“Coffee?”

Elsa was somewhat of a mystery to Kristoff. Anna seemed to think of her as the moon, stars, and sun collectively, and he certainly didn’t mind her either, but there was just something about her that was so deeply intense and intimidating that he had initially been rather secretly frightened of her. 

And if he was honest, he still sort of was. There was her personality, of course, which could be called prickly and guarded at best and hostile and icy at worst. And then there was the matter of the woman before him, sitting on her balcony, hair a mess and bags under her eyes, possessing so much raw power that she had frozen the entirety of Arendelle-- by accident.

But here on her balcony, her pale skin nearly translucent in the rising sun and her expression one of despair, she just looked like any other human, which of course she was.

...was she?

“What sort?” Elsa asked him blearily, not seeming to care that he had let himself into her room.

Kristoff frowned at the cup in his hand. “Uh, black and heavily caffeinated?”

“Lovely,” she replied and held out a hand.

Secretly relieved, he handed it to her.

She took a long sip, her eyes closed. He couldn’t tell if she was savoring the taste or plotting.

“I was wondering if we could talk,” he said, watching her carefully.

She set the cup on the railing. “Of course you were.”

Was it just him or did she seem to be watching him just as carefully?

“So, might I…?” he asked slowly.

She shook her head. “I’ll save you the time.”

Lifting a hand to shield his eyes from the rays of the sun, he frowned. “I’m not in any rush.”

She smiled bitterly at him, as if she already knew what he was going to say. But how could she?

“I know about what you and your sister think about people like me. I know you probably don’t want me around anymore, especially with the influence I’ll have on your child. I’d like to say that I get it, but I don’t. But I can respect your wishes. All I ask is that you let me have at least a little time to figure out where I am going to go. Then I’ll be out of your hair. I promise.”

Kristoff’s head was swimming with confusion. “Uh… what? People like you? You mean with powers?”

She stared back at him, looking equally confused. “No? Wait, did Anna not tell you?”

She suddenly looked rather sick.

“Tell me what?”

“About me and Honeymaren,” Elsa said, staring at him with a mixture of dread and sadness.

“Oh!” Kristoff said, because Anna had. He couldn’t believe he had forgotten. “Yeah, sorry. Must have forgotten in everything that went on last night. I’m happy for you both, truly. I mean, it’s about time- hey. Are you alright?”

Elsa, if possible, had gone even paler. She looked as though she was going to throw up.

“Elsa, what is it?”

“You… you don’t care?” she stammered, shock coating her features.

“No, no!” Kristoff held up his hands. “I do care! I think it’s really great-”

“No, stop.” Elsa turned away from him, her fingers pressed up against her temples. 

Kristoff was once again overwhelmed by his own sheer ability to mess things up in such horrific ways in record amounts of time. It was quite a talent, really. He could probably get hired somewhere for it.

“I’m so sorry if I upset you,” he said, not really sure what else to add. What on earth had he done?

“No…” Elsa said, not looking at him, her voice breathless and two pitches higher. “It’s not your fault.”

She seemed quite surprised to say it. Almost as surprised as Kristoff was to hear it.

“Um…” he started, at a loss for words.

“Why are you here, Kristoff?” Elsa interjected, saving him the struggle.

“Oh,” he said, pleased to finally be able to answer something correctly. “I just wanted to apologize for Anna’s behavior last night. I mean, you and I both know that she can get in some really fiery states and sometimes say some things that she doesn’t mean. I just wanted to let you know that she feels really bad about her outburst, even if she doesn’t admit it to you, and that she’s working hard to ensure your safety. We both are. So you don’t need to worry.”

Arendelle’s former queen’s brows furrowed as she processed this. Then she shook her head.

“She was right. About all of it.”

“Elsa, I am sure that she wasn’t-” Kristoff replied, looking rather alarmed at Elsa’s resignation. 

But she only waved a hand at him, cutting him off. “No, she was. You wouldn’t understand.”

The words weren’t said with scorn, but rather rang with truth. Kristoff was sure that he  _ wouldn’t  _ understand, but that it was no fault of his own. He had no idea about what went on between the two sisters and wasn’t entirely sure that he ever wanted to. 

But still he persisted. “I don’t think you need to blame yourself as much as you are.”

She looked up at him, an expression of sadness upon her features. “I only wish that were true.”

She turned to the doors. 

Kristoff understood the dismissal and was rather surprised that the conversation had lasted as long as it had. He wasn’t sure that he could see Elsa as just the hostile ice queen anymore. He saw that beneath the woman’s ice-coated exterior was someone who had been hurt deeply. There was an ocean of pain within her that she worked so hard to keep others from seeing. 

He could only hope that there was someone in Elsa’s life that would help her to bear that pain and teach her how to live with it. If that wasn’t Anna, he hoped it could be Honeymaren.

“One more thing,” Elsa said suddenly, one foot in the door. 

Kristoff raised his eyebrows in question.

“You really are okay with… Honeymaren and me?” 

Kristoff once again felt himself frowning in confusion. “Of course. Why would I not be?”

And that’s when- just for a fraction of a second, he saw her eyes light up. It was the expression of a person who dared to hope.

He could only wonder what had led her to question his acceptance in the first place. 

* * *

Elsa was quite content to spend all day in bed. She didn’t know what to do, or what to think. She wanted to run back to Honeymaren and make things right, but she knew that Honeymaren wasn’t going to just accept the way that she had completely blown her off last night. She already felt horrid with guilt and wanted nothing better than to run into Honeymaren’s arms and say...

Well, what would she say anyway?

_ Hey, sorry about last night. I was under the impression that my sister hated people like me which resulted in me pushing you away and leaving you out to dry. But we can be together now, if that was that kiss meant. _

_ Was  _ that what the kiss had meant? Did Honeymaren even want to be with her? Maybe she had before Anna had walked in on them and ruined everything. And was Kristoff telling the truth?

She could hardly describe the way that she felt at hearing Kristoff being completely accepting of her after she  _ knew  _ what she had heard all those years ago. The conversation between her sister and Kristoff that she had overheard couldn’t have meant anything else… or so she had thought.

She had spent years believing that if she came clean to her sister about her romantic interests, she would lose Anna forever. But in that single conversation with Kristoff, that belief had been shattered and she was left wondering what the hell had happened.

Maybe Elsa had manipulated herself into seeing things that weren’t there, or perceived things to be different than how they were.

Anna had seemed quite upset with her last night, but if Elsa really thought about, she had never said anything that hinted about her being upset about her kissing Honeymaren. 

Had she wasted all those years for no reason? Pushed Honeymaren away for no reason? And last night she had been so horrible to Anna... for what purpose? 

She knew she had to talk to Anna about it to be sure, but the prospect of not having to hide anymore was already overwhelming her. Suddenly she was able to imagine a future with both Honeymaren, and Anna and Kristoff. Her relief was already tangible and she felt lighter than she had in, well, months.

Even though she might have just ruined any potential future she had with Honeymaren. 

And after her conversation with Anna last night, she knew she needed to make things with her sister as well. She hadn't even began to unpack all of what Anna had said to her last night, but the memory of the conversation left a sense of lingering dread.

But despite all of that, and the fact that she was being hunted like an animal, she couldn’t crush her sense of hope.

At least until her door burst open.

Elsa knew from the moment she saw her sister’s expression, that something was wrong. Very wrong.

Or maybe she knew from the way that her sister barged into her room without knocking whilst the two of them were not on speaking terms.

Whatever the thing was that tipped her off, Elsa was pretty sure that her sister’s distress had something to do with the letter she held bunched in two fists.

Elsa was on her feet in an instant, her heart filled with sudden dread. Her previous thoughts were temporarily forgotten as she blurted out the first question that came to mind.

“Who died?”

“No one,” Anna said shakily, her tone doing nothing to reassure Elsa. “But… this just arrived.”

Elsa held out her hand wordlessly, her entire body going numb with anticipation. Anna started to hand her the letter, but then stopped.

“Anna, please,” Elsa begged, trying to grab it from her. “You’re worrying me.”

“Before you read it, I want you to know something,” Anna said, while Elsa shook her head.

“Not the time, Anna.”

“No,” growled her sister. “All those things I said last night- I didn’t mean them. And I think that it’s really great about you and Honeymaren even though I am not sure why you would keep it from me, and also I’m just so sorry. Just know that I’m going to do whatever I can for you and we’re going to fix this- I promise.”

The words sounded like they were coming from down a tunnel, even though they were exactly what she had wanted to hear minutes ago. Elsa shook her head, trying to comprehend, but failing to, her mind still focusing on what could have happened, what could have gone wrong.

“Whatever, Anna!” she practically shrieked. “Just let me read it!”

Anna released a sound that was something between a sob and a cough, but she did as Elsa said. 

Elsa practically tore the paper in her rush to open the letter, to read the words. Instantly, her heart fell out of her stomach.

_ We have Honeymaren.  _

_ We are willing to negotiate the terms of her release, but only should the ice queen come to the following location in the next 24 hours-- alone.  _

_ Failure to comply will result in the girl’s death.  _

Everything went cold. Elsa was dimly aware of the windows blowing out and the sudden fall in temperature as everything came together. They hadn’t wanted Elsa to go to the castle so that they could kidnap her there- they wanted Elsa out of the way so that they had unrestricted access to the one bargaining chip that they knew would force Elsa into submission. 

The one thing that Elsa would give up her powers for.

The last thing Elsa was aware of before she hit the floor was Anna rushing towards her, her arms outstretched. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Hope y'all are hanging in there. Thanks for reading! <3


	16. Kidnappings and Stupid Plans

Anna surveyed the people in her office. Kristoff stood, leaning against a chest of drawers. A shellshocked Ryder sat on the edge of his seat. And Elsa…

Well, at least Elsa showed up.

After initially hearing the news about Honeymaren, Anna’s sister had passed out- whether from grief, shock, or guilt Anna didn't know. Probably all three. Anna had caught her before she hit the floor and hauled Elsa’s limp form onto the bed.

When Elsa came to, minutes later, Anna had already prepared for every sort of response from her sister and how she would deal with them. What she hadn’t expected was this quiet, compliant Elsa who seemed content to stare into space and not speak.

Anna could only hope that it meant Elsa was willing to cooperate in Honeymaren’s rescue, however they would go about it, but she knew her sister. She knew that Elsa wanted nothing more than to go to where Honeymaren was and give her captors whatever they wanted in exchange for Honeymaren going free.

She did feel bad for her outburst the previous night, but she did mean some of it. Elsa really hadn’t gone about this in a good way at all. And now here they were with hardly any information to help them, and two lives endangered.

Anna remembered when Elsa had given her a brass button that Ryder had supposedly found in the woods. They had both thought it might be related to the people that were hunting Elsa but agreed that it could just be a random button they found in the dirt. Anna had wanted to run extensive tests on it, but Elsa ensured her that the smart thing to do was to not tell anyone about it. Anna hadn’t been able to find out anything on her own and wished she had realized then how stupid Elsa’s request was.

Elsa really did insist on doing everything alone, and now her friend had been kidnapped. How did that make her feel? Did she believe that it was her fault?

Sometimes Anna wondered if Elsa wanted to die. Because she insisted on being really, really stupid sometimes.

“I think we need to go through what we already know,” Anna said now, addressing the strange group as a whole. “Knowing the motives of our enemies will only help us figure out the course of action we need to take to achieve our goal.”

“I agree,” Ryder spoke up, to Anna’s relief. “But… what  _ is  _ our goal here?”

“To rescue Honeymaren, of course,” Anna said, wishing she sounded more confident than she felt. 

She saw the glint in Elsa’s eyes and quickly corrected herself.

“And to make sure that  _ no one else  _ gets harmed in the process.”

“And hopefully to neutralize the threat to Elsa and the Northuldra,” Kristoff added, and Anna felt a surge of pride. 

“Right.”

“Seems like a lot to ask for,” came the deathly calm voice of Elsa from the corner. “If you want to save Honeymaren, you’re going to have to send me in alone, just like the letter said.”

Anna felt her control slipping. “Well, yes, but we need to figure out how to do that so that we have the upper hand.”

“And how on earth are we going to-”

“Anyway!” Anna interrupted her sister, trying to keep her voice chipper. “We know, or at least we are pretty sure that these people are after Elsa and have hypothesized that they probably want Elsa’s powers.

“At first, it seemed like they were trying to kill Elsa. But then they wanted her to move back here to the castle-”

“So that they had access to Honeymaren. They realized I was too powerful. That I could destroy them all.”

Anna tried to ignore Elsa’s flat tone and the ice in her eyes. She’d never spoken that way before, and Anna had to suppress her desire to shudder at the implications of her words. “Right, so they must want to use Honeymaren as a bargaining chip to get you to do what they want.”

“And what do they want her to do?” Ryder asked.

Anna had forgotten that all that he knew was based on the super-fast version that she had given him last night at the dance after his encounter with the strange woman. She was surprised at how well he was coping and how quickly he had accepted all the information that she had thrown at him.

For someone who had just found out that his sister and her possible-lover were involved in a complicated murder plot, he seemed to be doing quite well. But then again, they didn’t have the option to break down now. They needed to keep it together for 24 hours. Then Anna imagined the truth of the matter would finally sink in for everyone. However, they couldn’t afford to have that happen now.

“We think that they want her powers,” Anna explained to Ryder. “We think that they believe that the only way to get her powers is to kill Elsa.”

“But my sister’s mother told you all that the only way for them to get Elsa’s powers is for Elsa to willingly give them up, which will cost her her life?” Ryder asked.

“Um. Yes.”

Anna hated how casually they were talking about her sister’s death and hated even more how Elsa seemed completely unaffected by it.

“But do these people know that?” Kristoff asked.

“We… don’t know.”

“The only way for them to know is if Honeymaren’s mother told them,” Ryder said. “It also makes sense that she would have. They must have figured that the only way for Elsa to willingly give up her life and her powers would be if they threatened something that she loved. So I think it’s safe to assume that they know. What other motive would they have?”

“Would Honeymaren’s mother really have told these people that, though?”

Ryder and Elsa exchanged a look.

“Yes,” they both said at once.

“Damn,” Anna sighed. She decided right then and there that if she ever met this woman, she’d punch her in the face.

“It also explains why they were able to capture Honeymaren as easily as they did,” Ryder sighed. “Her mother could have given them her tent location, as well as information on our guard rotations.”

They hadn’t much discussed the nature of Honeymaren’s capture itself. Ryder had simply said that he hadn’t been there and that was that. But now Anna could see the look in his eyes and knew that he blamed himself for it.    


She wanted to hug him. She wanted to hug everyone. She wanted someone to hug her. She also wanted to scream and rip out her hair. 

She settled on picking up a quill and fiddling with it.

“She also could have lied,” Ryder said suddenly, as if he had just realized the possibility himself.

Anna stared at him, utterly confused. “About what?”

“The whole dying to transfer powers thing,” Ryder waved a hand absently, lost in deep concentration.

“Lied?” Anna asked. “You mean, the whole thing about Elsa willingly giving up her own life to give her powers to someone else might be completely false?”

Ryder frowned, considering. “It could be… Honeymaren’s mother knows about the spirits more than anyone. She could easily have made up the information though. One of her favorite things to do is upset others and manipulate them.

“If she told both Elsa and Honeymaren, and whoever these people are that the only way for Elsa to exchange her powers is for Elsa to die, then she would have loved to sit back and watch the chaos ensue.”

“That’s awful!” Anna gasped. Maybe after she punched Honeymaren’s mother, she would proceed to kick her down a flight of stairs. 

“That’s Honeymaren’s mother,” Ryder responded drily. “And if I’m honest, it doesn’t make much sense. Maren doesn’t know a whole lot about the spirits. She didn’t want to turn out to be anything like her mother. But I do. And I know that the spirits can’t be controlled in the way that we’re thinking.”

“I’ve never heard of a wielder being able to choose to give up their powers . The spirit chooses a wielder, and most often, it doesn’t.”

Anna leaned closer, her hands pressed against the wood of the desk. “What are you saying?”

Ryder pinched his lips together, seemingly thinking hard. “I’m saying that Elsa willingly giving up her life to transfer her powers to another would never work. The spirit within her has a mind of its own and would have to decide for itself if it wanted to choose someone else to wield it if Elsa died. Elsa wouldn’t get to have a say over that.”

Anna sank back in her chair, mulling it over. If Honeymaren’s mother really was lying, then Elsa wouldn’t have to die to save Honeymaren. And if that was the case, then she could save both Elsa and Honeymaren. However much of a long shot it was, she was willing to look into it. She was willing to do anything.

“I think we need to find out then,” Anna said. “We could go to Honeymaren’s mother and force her to tell us if she’s lying. We could also use her to get information on Honeymaren’s captors, if she betrayed Honeymaren like you said.”

“Sounds like a waste of time,” Elsa drawled from the corner. “We only have 24 hours and this is a really big ‘if’.”

“It’s not!” Anna cried. “You’d trust Honeymaren’s mother’s word over Ryder’s? This might be the only way to save both of you. I think we need to try.”

“It might help Honeymaren, too,” Ryder mused. “If these people figure out that they’re wrong, they might change their minds and let her go.”

Elsa didn’t seem to care. Her eyes deadened once more. “If Ryder knows all this, why didn’t Honeymaren? She believed her mother, and she would have told me if she thought something was amiss.”

“Elsa,” Ryder explained patiently. “Honeymaren wouldn’t have known. She loves the spirits, but she was never interested in learning about them the way that I did, or her mother. She wanted to avoid every path that led her to be anything like that woman, and I don’t blame her.”

With a start, Anna understood something. It wasn’t that Elsa trusted Honeymaren’s mother over Ryder, it was that she trusted  _ Honeymaren.  _ And if Honeymaren had believed her mother’s words, than so did Elsa. And that would make this whole endeavor very difficult indeed. 

“And what if we find out that the truth is actually worse?” Elsa grumbled. “That I not only have to end my own life but also ten others as a sacrifice?”

Anna scowled, struggling to maintain her composure. “Then we’ll find out what to do from there. But we’re going to pay Honeymaren’s mother a visit and see what we can find out. End of discussion.”

Elsa simply stood up and floated out of the room. Anna aimed a look at Kristoff- one that said  _ Follow her.  _ And in a moment, Kristoff too was gone.

Only Ryder remained then, and Anna watched his shoulders curve inwards, his expression falling. Anna knew what it was instantly- he felt as though he could drop the act around her. And now, instead of an intelligent warrior, all she saw was a grieving younger brother.

“If they had told you from the beginning, I’m sure we could have solved this thing a whole lot faster,” Anna said, trying to smile down at him with her eyes.

He ignored this and instead looked up at her. “Promise you can get her back.”

Anna was taken aback, both at the sudden change in mood and the implications of the promise should she make it. However, she only nodded fiercely.

“I promise,” she heard herself say. She would not allow herself to consider any other alternative.

Ryder smiled tiredly at her, already looking a bit better. “I know that you can. You’re a great queen, Anna. You can do anything that you put your mind to. And I already know that things are going to be different for us with you in charge.”

Without waiting for her response, he stood up and walked out of the room. Anna stayed behind, the words playing themselves over and over again in her mind. Her first initial thought was guilt. The expectations weighed on her, heavy as chains.

_ He’s wrong. You’ll only disappoint him. _

But… was he? Was  _ she? _

_ You’re a great queen, Anna.  _

She could still see the confidence in his eyes when he had said it. He believed in her. Elsa believed in her. Kristoff believed in her. She’d never had any real reason to assume that the majority of her subjects didn’t.

In fact, it seemed that really the only person who didn’t believe in her was, well,  _ her _ . Anna was the one who was too afraid to return Enchanted Forest to the Northuldra. Anna was the one who had convinced herself that Elsa left because she was done with her. Anna was the one who believed that she could never be a good queen.

And maybe that was what was taking a toll on her. Maybe her own belief that she was an incompetent queen was actually holding her back more than anything else.

And that meant that if Anna could only believe in herself, there would be no limit to what she could accomplish. If that was true, then Anna knew that at least for the next 17 or so hours, she needed to use every bit of self-confidence that she had. Which, granted, was not much.

But Honeymaren needed her too. And for Elsa’s lover, Anna was willing to try anything.

* * *

Honeymaren wished that her confusion towards Elsa was the only thing that she had to deal with. Her hurt, angry feelings were certainly more than enough to keep her mind occupied, but she definitely had bigger problems now.

Big problems- and not much of a solution in sight.

Honeymaren had taught herself years ago to not let fear overtake her. She had learned from a young age that allowing the fear in also allowed in the hopelessness, and that was something that she couldn’t afford. No, Honeymaren had learned that the best way to get her way out of a bad situation was to swallow that fear and anxiety and let the rational, fighting part of her take hold.

Her logical, unfeeling mind had gotten her out of more difficult situations than she could count, and her ability to conceal her emotions when she needed to was something that she prided herself on. Only when she had escaped her problems at last did those emotions of terror and sadness finally seep in- mostly late at night when no one could hear her cry. Honeymaren had never quite figured out how to suppress her emotions completely, but as long as no one was around to see her express them, it didn’t really matter much.

However, there was a difference between all the bad situations she’d had previously and her current one- there had been a way out. There’d always been some sort of solution- though it wasn’t always obvious and often required sacrifice- and if solution wasn’t the right word, at least she’d had a choice.

Now Honeymaren’s hands were tied- literally.

She’d never felt less in control than in this moment and if there was one thing she hated, it was a lack of control. She knew better than to let the fear in, but the dam she’d spent years building was spouting cracks. 

And she knew if it broke, she wouldn’t stand a chance.

_ It’s your fault. You weren’t paying attention. If you hadn’t been so focused on Elsa… _

If she hadn’t been so focused on Elsa, maybe she would’ve seen the figure that stood behind her last night, hidden in the shadows of her campfire. Maybe she would’ve had time to block the heavy blow to her skull that had sent her spiraling into unconsciousness. If she hadn’t been so focused on Elsa, maybe she would’ve gone to bed earlier instead of wallowing in her thoughts out in the open. 

Honeymaren cursed herself. It did no good to dwell on what could have happened. There was only the here and the now. Even if she had no idea where  _ here  _ was. Even if it didn’t matter because she was blind, gagged, and tied to a post with no idea how she had gotten there. 

_ Calm down calm down calm down- _

But what was she going to do? Like hell was she going to wait for someone to rescue her, if anyone ever came. What if no one ever found her? 

Who had kidnapped her, and what did they even want? Honeymaren was no one. She didn’t have any enemies. The only reason someone would kidnap her was if they…

And then it hit her. Maybe Honeymaren herself wasn’t important, but she was friends with people who were. And all recent events considered, Honeymaren had a sudden suspicion that she was being used. Leverage was what they called it, wasn’t it? She was a hostage- she had to be.

For  _ Elsa. _

And that meant that Honeymaren’s life was to be exchanged for Elsa’s, and therefore her powers. The discussion with her mom came back in terrible clarity. 

_ Your friend here would have to voluntarily give her life for her powers to be passed on. _

Honeymaren and Elsa had both thought that it wouldn’t be an issue. Elsa would never voluntarily give up her life for something like that… but maybe she would give it up for Honeymaren.

The realization filled her blood with ice, and she fell limp once more, slack against her restraints. It all made sense, albeit in a terrible way. They, whoever her kidnappers were, were going to try to use Honeymaren against Elsa so that they could gain her powers. And Honeymaren couldn’t let that happen.

There was no way that she was going to allow herself to be used in this way. 

But… what could she do to prevent it? 

* * *

Elsa’s world was upside down. Her thoughts were a raging torrent of words, pressing against her skull and threatening to escape. She wasn’t sure how she kept herself upright, or functioning. 

Anxiety pressed at her from all sides. Yet again, she was the reason that someone she loved was in danger. If Elsa ended up dead at the end of this, perhaps it would be a good thing. Then she could no longer pose a threat to the people close to her. 

“Did you say we turn here?” Anna was talking to Ryder a few paces ahead atop Sven with Kristoff. 

Elsa rode Nokk behind them, silent and still. She listened to their chatte,r but she didn’t comprehend it. She didn’t care. They were wasting their time. She registered every precious second that passed, but she couldn’t see an out. Every few moments, Anna would turn her head to make sure Elsa followed. She knew Nokk could go fast, but she didn’t know if the spirit horse could run fast enough to evade her sister. 

She decided she would wait. Once they were within range of Honeymaren’s mother’s shack, they would hopefully be temporarily distracted- enough so that Elsa could slip away. She couldn’t see another way. 

_ You’re doing the right thing,  _ she told herself.  _ This is the only way. They’re just too blind to see it. _

But her words to herself fell amid her tornado of thoughts and were lost to the wind. 

An eternity passed. Half a second passed. It didn’t matter. The trees thinned just enough for Elsa to make out the grim outline of the shack. It was smaller than she had remembered. Smaller and sadder. 

She could just make out the mutters of the three in front of her as they drew up in front of the ramshackle building, debating the best course of action to confront Honeymaren’s mother. 

Now was her chance. Still, she hesitated for just a moment. She stared at the glint of her sister’s copper hair, gleaming in the light from the setting sun. The curve of her narrow shoulders- those shoulders that she had fallen asleep on too many times to count. The sight of her was all too familiar, and Elsa didn’t think she knew anything better. 

Her sister. Her Anna. Elsa could close her eyes and conjure up Anna’s image as easy as breathing. But even though she was right in front of her, she had never felt so far away. Elsa could feel her sister drifting away from her, like salt slipping through her fingers. Something she was desperately trying to hold onto, yet the more she tried, the more she couldn’t quite grasp it.

In the end, it was easy to escape their notice and ride away. Elsa was sure that minutes had passed before they had looked up and realized that she was gone. 

Really, she was almost disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... it's certainly been a bit, hasn't it? I didn't mean to take as long of a break as I did, but here we are. I've been sitting on this one for awhile and finally decided to get it posted. That being said, I do have plans to finish the remaining three chapters, so hopefully that gets done in a timely manner. I hope everyone is doing well. I know everything has been really difficult as of late. Thanks for reading, as always <3 hopefully I'll have another update soon.


	17. Death and Destruction

Honeymaren wasn’t sure how much time had passed before her blindfold was ripped from her eyes.

“That’s enough of that,” a male voice rasped as Honeymaren’s eyes adjusted to the dim lighting.

Hungrily, she drank in her surroundings. She appeared to be in a large warehouse that contained nothing except for various masked men. Up in one of the windows, she saw the glowing crescent of the moon. That meant that almost 24 hours had passed since she was kidnapped. 

She managed a deep breath through her mouth. Thankfully it hadn’t been longer. There was still time yet. 

“Look at me.”

Honeymaren’s attention turned to the man in front of her who dangled a piece of cloth in his hands. Probably her blindfold. 

Though his face was covered by shadow, she was able to tell by his posture, the tone of his voice when he spoke to her, and his mannerisms that he thought very highly of himself. Unfortunately, his nondescript clothing revealed not much else. 

“I- I’m looking,” she managed through her dry throat, not able to keep her anger out of her voice.

“Honeymaren,” gloated the voice, and waited, as though expecting her to be surprised by him knowing her name. “You’re not much.”

Honeymaren nearly laughed. “Did you bring me all this way just to throw mediocre insults at me?”

The slap was unexpected and echoed throughout the warehouse. Even as the side of her face stung from the blow, Honeymaren was pleased that she had clearly pissed the man off. 

“Listen here,” he growled. “I went out with her, you know. Your woman. I went out on a date with her. Did she tell you that?”

It took her a minute to grasp his meaning and to put the pieces together. When she did, she was sure she looked far more surprised than she meant to. Here, seemingly playing a huge part in the conspiracy, was the creepy man, Henrik, that Anna had forced Elsa to go out with. And that date, or whatever it was, had to have been a part of this. And if it was… did that mean that Anna was a part of it too? Honeymaren swallowed her sudden doubt and feigned indifference. It didn’t hurt that  _ this  _ had been the man she was so jealous of all that time ago. Talk about a disappointment. 

“Oh! Elsa did tell me about that…” she pretended to trail off as if remembering all the details. “Riiiiight… and didn’t she freeze you into a block of ice? Must’ve been a really good date.”

This time she expected the slap and chuckled as she spit blood onto the dirt. She knew she shouldn’t play with him, but she wasn’t going to sit like some afraid little girl and wait for… whatever it was that happened next. She was angry. 

“So what is this, your plot for revenge?”

Henrik straightened, regaining his composure. “You really haven’t figured it out yet? Stupid girl…”

Though she was sure she had, Honeymaren didn’t think telling him that would be a good idea. If he was really as egotistical as he seemed, he would tell her himself. That way, she would know if she was right. If she really was bait. 

“I honestly haven’t the faintest clue,” she lied, carefully watching Henrik.

And sure enough, a nasty smile bloomed on his features. He looked as though he would burst with the information, and Honeymaren silently praised herself as he began to speak, pacing around before her as he did.

“See, we’ve been watching you. Your stupid little tribe, the stupid little queen in her stupid little castle. Your stupid little lady. I was told to get to know her better, don’t you know. To find out her secrets.”

His smile widened. “And that  _ stupid  _ Anna made it too easy. I was sure she would sell her sister to me if I asked. She was that desperate.”

The relief in her chest spread like wildfire. Maybe Anna hadn’t done them any favors, but she didn’t have any ill intent. She hadn’t meant to sell her sister out. 

“But Elsa  _ hated  _ you,” Honeymaren reminded him pointedly. “So that really didn’t work out for you either.”

Henrik stopped his pacing. One side of his face was lit by the moon in the warehouse windows, and the other half was shrouded in darkness. “The bitch may not have liked me, but she didn’t need to. All I needed to see was her powers. And find out more about you. Your,” he waved a hand, “tribe. Not to mention, it was very clear that she was into women. Which helped us out more than you know.”

“Just because she didn’t like you doesn’t mean she couldn’t like other men,” Honeymaren couldn’t help but to exclaim, but Henrik had resumed his pacing and wasn’t listening.

“We watched her. We watched you both.”

“The men who ventured so close to our territory. The baby reindeer,” Honeymaren offered. “That was all you.”

“Us,” Henrik smirked. “And probably yes, though I don’t remember the specifics.”

“Why,” she coaxed. “What do you want?”

“The ice bitches’ powers, of course.” he cocked his head at her, still smiling, and for the first time, Honeymaren noticed the glint of insanity in his eyes. A chill traveled down her spine. “If we have powers like those, we can do anything.”

Her helpless fury only strengthened. Here, she would bear witness to the very same power-hungry people who tried to wipe out her people and take their land go forth and threaten Elsa and there was not a thing she could do. She was tied to a damned post while the man who had caused Elsa and her people so much harm walked free in front of her, confident that he would get away with yet another scheme. 

“And what makes you think that you can get them? That they’re something that can be so easily acquired?”

“Well we weren’t so sure at first. We thought we had to kill her.” Henrik murmured. “But your mother-” he stopped and looked at her for a reaction, but she fought to keep her features neutral, “told us everything we needed to know. Including how best to kidnap you.”

Suddenly, he strode forward, grasping her chin in his gloved hands roughly. “How does it feel, knowing your own mother would sell you out so easily?”

Swallowing her disgust, she stared hard into his eyes. “I’d do the same to her.”

She didn’t know if it was true or not, but she’d never give Henrik the satisfaction of knowing that deep down, it still hurt that her mother hated her as much as she did. She’d done some awful things, but selling her out for kidnapping had to have been the top of the list. 

Henrik stared back into her eyes as if studying her for the truth. 

“Hm,” he muttered nondescriptly, and released her just as easily.

Honeymaren wasn’t sure whether she had won or lost. 

“So why,” she demanded. She had to hear him say it. “Why go to these lengths. What are you hoping to achieve with me?”

He threw back his head and laughed which almost made her jump. “You still don’t get it? God, the Northuldra really are as stupid as they say.”

She wanted to scream. She wanted to punch him. She wanted to beat him to death and watch the life leave his eyes. But she only stared at him, waiting.

“Oh for heaven’s sake,” Henrik shook his head. “You’re  _ bait,  _ darling. For the ice bitch. Because if we can get her to willingly sacrifice her life, her power goes-”

“Henrik,” said a soft voice. And even though the voice was a mere whisper, it filled her instantly with cold dread. 

This time Honeymaren really did jump as a large man appeared from behind her, seemingly out of nowhere. He was old, and had a thick gray beard. His uniform looked official, but old, like it was from years ago. The most remarkable parts about it were the brass buttons that adorned the front of the jacket and the sleeves. For a minute, Honeymaren frowned at them, a memory in the back of her mind. But she shook it off. It couldn’t be important now. When the man turned to face her, her blood instantly went cold.

His eyes were dead. And in them she saw nothing. Nothing at all. Henrik suddenly looked small next to him. 

“Father, I was just-”

“Stop engaging with the prisoner, and make yourself useful elsewhere. The girl has only a few hours left. She’ll be arriving any minute, and we need to make sure that we are prepared for whatever tricks she has up her sleeve.”

Honeymaren sucked in a breath. The thought of this man engaging with Elsa made her sick. The thought of what they were going to do… And the thought that there was nothing she could do about it.

Just as the man and Henrik turned to leave, she shouted after them.

“Wait!” 

They both turned, but the older man waved Henrik away. She swallowed her fear. The way those eyes looked into hers… as if he didn’t even see her as a human. 

“She won’t come for me,” she blurted, before she could talk herself out of it. “She doesn’t care about me that way. Or at all, really. I thought she did… but I don’t think she does.”

With a start, she realized the words were true. She had thought that there was something between them, but last night, no matter how far off it seemed, proved that maybe Elsa didn’t love her the way that Honeymaren loved Elsa. And no matter how much that hurt, in the moment, Honeymaren hoped more than anything that it was true. She hoped Elsa wouldn’t come.

The large man stared at her, his cold eyes unreadable and dark. Honeymaren hoped he could hear the truth in her words.

“Well, I suppose we will have to see.” He turned on his heel and started to walk away, but his next words were just as powerful. “And if not, we’ll discard you and move onto plan B.”

And that was just as well, Honeymaren told herself. As long as it wasn’t Elsa. 

Honeymaren bowed her head, closing her eyes. She began to pray.

_ Spirits… please protect Elsa. No matter what may come, keep her far from here. Keep her safe, so long as she lives. Please. _

But even the thought of her spirits couldn’t prevent the hopelessness that filled her. 

* * *

The next few hours passed in agony. Honeymaren’s throat grew dry. She began rubbing her ropes on the post she was tied to, slowly enough that no one would notice. They hadn’t deemed it worthy to try to blindfold her again but instead of being grateful, it only filled her with dread. They didn’t deem it worth it because there would be no way that she was getting away. No matter how much she tried to loosen her bonds, the rope was too strong and too layered. Helplessness seized her- then sleep. Her head fell forward, her dirty hair falling into her eyes. In the time that passed, she drifted in and out of a fitful unconsciousness. 

That’s when she felt it. It was cold, but unnatural. Unnatural, and familiar. Honeymaren’s heart sank. It sank and sank and sank. Regaining her bearings, she stretched out her tight neck as she blinked sleep out of her eyes. 

_ No, no, no.  _ It couldn’t be. But it was. And it seemed that the masked soldiers who kept watch on the perimeter felt it too. Their hands moved to their weapons, and they looked at each other nervously.

Honeymaren had felt Elsa’s magic before. The icy tang in the air could often be experienced by others if Elsa was feeling very strongly about something. She tended to project, often having no idea she was doing it. And now, the thickness in the air was full of despair. A thick, choking sadness swirled into the warehouse, clinging to everything it touched. Mixed with Honeymaren’s own despair, it was almost unbearable.

An echoing clang filled the warehouse as the metal doors flew open, coated in ice. And there she stood. Alone. Small. And sad. Honeymaren had never wanted to run to anyone more, but she was trapped by her bindings, only able to watch as the slim woman strode into dark warehouse, radiating heavy sadness.

_ She’s here,  _ she thought with horror.  _ Alone.  _

She should have known better. She should have known that there was no way that Elsa wouldn’t show up if she knew someone was endangered because of her, whether she had feelings for Honeymaren or not. And by the feel of it, Elsa had already given up.

The sudden slicing sound of a sword right by her ear froze Honeymaren to the spot, and she gasped as she was grabbed by the hair and dragged forward to the center of the space. The sharp prick at her neck sent her pulse wilding. She didn’t think she could possibly be any more afraid, but she was. She fought to keep her breathing normal. 

“Stop right there, princess,” said the deathly quiet voice of the man with the dead eyes. He strode forward into Honeymaren’s field of vision. “We’re glad you finally decided to show up. You came alone, I trust?”

“Y-yes,” Elsa whispered. Her eyes flitted around the warehouse, never once landing on Honeymaren. And Honeymaren’s heart broke and broke and broke. Her poor, poor fool.

“Good girl,” the tall man murmured smoothly. “Now, let’s skip the pleasantries shall we? You know what we want. You take your life or we take hers. Any tricks and my son will slit her throat.”

At his father’s words, Henrik tightened his hold on Honeymaren and she couldn’t prevent the breath that slipped her mouth.

There- just for a split second, Elsa’s eyes met hers. And then they focused on the area behind her head.

“You.” This time, her voice didn’t shake. 

“Hello,” said Henrik’s voice by her ear. “Miss me?”

Elsa stared… and then she looked away. Honeymaren felt a twinge a pride in the midst of her horror. 

“You need to promise me one thing,” Elsa whispered, and Honeymaren shook at the defeat in her voice. “You’ll let her go free. And you won’t hurt my family either. Or my tribe.”

_ No, no. Elsa. _

Everything was happening so fast. She couldn’t very well slip away. Her captors were nothing if not thorough. There was nothing she could do. Nothing she could do to help Elsa. Helplessness roiled over her like a second skin.

_ Please,  _ she begged of her spirits. But her spirits couldn’t hear her. They didn’t care.

The man offered her a knife, but Elsa shook her head and removed what Honeymaren instantly recognized as a Northuldran knife from the sheath at her thigh. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she understood what Elsa meant by the gesture. It was her last act of defiance.

Suddenly, Honeymaren felt a cool tingling at her wrists and her ankles. All at once her ropes fell slack but she didn’t dare move. Not when she was still being held by her hair with a sword at her throat. She didn’t know why Elsa bothered to cut her bindings. There was no point. But to feel her power, to know that she was...

“Elsa,” Honeymaren gasped suddenly, not fully able to control herself. “Please don’t do it. I’m not worth it. You can’t let them-”

And then her pale blue eyes met Honeymaren’s and stayed glued to hers, an infinite sadness in their depths. Sadness… and love. The sheer love in Elsa’s gaze took her breath away, and Honeymaren knew that she could beg her all day, but with the love Elsa had for her, she would never, ever allow Honeymaren’s life to be sacrificed instead of hers. Honeymaren fell silent, as the gravity of what was about to happen crushed her chest. 

“No,” she whispered.  _ You’re not even trying. _

But it made sense to her, even though it killed her. Elsa came here to die. The despair, the sadness… she thought it was right. Elsa considered herself as too much of a danger to the people she loved. She didn’t try, not because she didn’t know how, but because she thought the best option for everyone involved was for her to go through with it. 

“The transfer,” Elsa said softly, her attention now focused on the uniformed man. “You’d like my power to go to you?”

His smile was dead and horrible. “I would like it very much.”

He seemed to almost quiver in excitement.

“Then it shall,” Elsa said with a note of finality in her voice.

Elsa raised the knife and the blade shone horrifically in the moonlight. With its upwards arc, images flashed through Honeymaren’s mind.

Elsa in the morning, her hair tousled from sleep, propping her head up on a hand to smile at Honeymaren. Her eyes, glowing with magic. Her hand holding Honeymaren’s. that last night in their room, right as she closed her eyes to kiss her. Her laugh, and the way it made all the tension leave her body.

Everyone held their breath, and everything was perfectly frozen in place. And then…

And then.

The knife came down in a swift, fluid motion-

Buried right into her chest-

The woman stood tall from a a single moment, her blue eyes wide, her lips parted.

Then the red stain bloomed through her clothes and her body crashed to the ground.

Someone screamed. Honeymaren couldn’t tell if it was her.

And then. Horrible silence.

She could see the tall man, examining his hands, flipping them back and forth. Wanting to see if it had worked. Moments dragged by like years.

Honeymaren had completely gone numb.

“Father, it might take a second…” Henrik said nervously, his hold on her relaxed.

“Why don’t I feel…?”

And then the entire warehouse exploded in shards of ice and blasts of cold air. Honeymaren shrieked, covering her head with her hands. It was over in seconds, and Honeymaren looked up warily to find that she stood unharmed in the center of a blast crater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6ish months between chapters to what, 3 days? I'd say I'm doing better. 3 chapters to go!! Thanks for reading :)


	18. A Little Bit of Magic

Everything had been destroyed. The massive warehouse had been completely leveled, and massive chunks of debris littered the surrounding area. Everyone seemed to have been blown apart in the blast. Everyone except for Honeymaren. She stood shaking in the center of a massive crater made by whatever had exploded. 

The only sound that could be heard was the rapid thumping of her heart as she surveyed her surroundings in shock. She kept waiting for someone to jump out and tie her up again, but there was nothing lurking in the thick darkness that covered the land. Nothing to be heard in the cold silence. And no one. No one, except…

The instant Honeymaren’s eyes fell on the slim body that lay not so far from her, she began to run as tears blurred her eyes. The form was eerily still but still unmistakably Elsa, even in death. As Honeymaren drew closer, she perceived the shimmering, silver-blonde hair. The closed, purple lids. She merely looked asleep, which only made Honeymaren cry harder. She couldn’t remember the last time she had cried, and now she couldn’t stop.

She didn’t see the young girl until she was right in front of her.

“Oh!” gasped Honeymaren, quite certain that there had been no one around not a moment ago. “Sorry, if you’ll excuse me, I need to-”

“Please stop,” said the young girl, and something in her tone froze Honeymaren in her tracks. 

She looked down at the girl who seemed twelve at the absolute oldest. Her eyes bored into Honeymaren’s, and there was something about them that would have sent warning bells through her had she cared. But instead of growing confused, she just shook her head.

“No, I can’t,” Honeymaren insisted, trying to sidestep the girl. She was easily blocked. Now she was starting to grow annoyed. “I need… I need to-”

The girl cocked her head. “She’ll be alright. You don’t need to be worried.”

Honeymaren laughed a flat, dead laugh. “No she won’t. She’s  _ dead.  _ I watched her die.”

“That must have been awful,” said the girl, and she really seemed to think so. “But she didn’t die. I did.”

This time Honeymaren froze. She looked down at the girl, really looking this time. Blonde hair, bright blue eyes. But the eyes weren’t quite right. They were older. Older and sadder. 

“You’re her,” Honeymaren whispered, but she could not understand how this could be true. 

“Not really,” young Elsa smiled. “I’m was a part of her. But I was no more Elsa than you are.” 

“You’re the fifth spirit,” Honeymaren said as realization dawned. 

Little Elsa raised her eyebrows. “That is one way to think of it, yes.”

Honeymaren took a step back, rubbing her eyes with her hands. Once again, her eyes fell upon Elsa, still laying ever so motionless. “What do you mean she’s not dead?”

“Exactly that.”

The spirit’s eyes drifted towards Elsa too and their smile turned sad. For one moment, she gazed upon her former host while Honeymaren in turn gazed at them with bemusement.

“Shouldn’t we help her?” Honeymaren asked. “If she’s alive then we need to…”

She didn’t believe it. That had to be it. Her body wasn’t reacting. Her mind was empty, and her body was still. She’d watched her die. She’d seen it. If there was the slightest chance-

_ No,  _ Honeymaren cut herself off. She would not dare hope.

The spirit looked back up her with young Elsa’s eyes as if they could sense Honeymaren’s thoughts. Once again, Honeymaren shook off the uncanniness of little Elsa staring at her with eyes way too old. 

“She will be fine. It is ok to leave her be; it will be a fair while before she wakes up.”

Honeymaren moved forward again, her mind numb. “Well let’s move-”

“Let’s not.” Their voice wasn’t firm, but it stopped Honeymaren anyway. “I’d like to speak with you. I believe I owe you an explanation.”

“I don’t need one,” Honeymaren began, because truly, her confusion was the last thing on her mind. But the spirit placed a hand on her shoulder. It made her ice cold all the way through.

“I insist.”

Honeymaren was in no mood to argue, so she shrugged. “Ok.”

The spirit led her through the darkness until they came to a sizeable chunk of wood that was from the warehouse explosion. Little Elsa sat down and Honeymaren sank down beside her. She hadn’t realized how much she had needed to sit until she was sitting. She had spent the last 15 hours leaning against a post. The memory didn’t feel real. Everything had happened so fast. Her goading Henrik. The older man. Elsa, dead. The warehouse, exploding. It seemed fake. It seemed too real. Too much. Honeymaren squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in her palms. 

“What’s on your mind?”

Honeymaren looked up and over into the wide eyes of Little Elsa and shuddered. “Why do you look like that?”

“I thought it would make you more comfortable.”

Honeymaren looked into the shadows. “It doesn’t. It’s creepy.”

“I’m sorry,” they said. “I could become Elsa’s current age if you’d-”

“NO!”

Her shout reverberated off the surrounding buildings and she flinched, startled at herself. 

“Sorry, I…” 

“There is no need to apologize. I will keep this form.”

“What’s your real form?” Honeymaren asked quietly. 

“I don’t have one,” the spirit admitted. “Elsa was my form. And now, I’m just a bundle of energy that will soon fade from this world.”

Her interest piqued slightly. “So without Elsa…?”

“Elsa and I were born into this world together. When she brought the knife down to end her life, she severed our connection. She will live. But I was never supposed to live without her.”

“Did Elsa know that she wouldn’t die?” Honeymaren stared at the form before her, forgetting her discomfort. “Did she know that would happen?”

“Elsa was never aware of my existence as a sentient being, because within her, I wasn’t. Not in the way you’d think, or understand. I was only her power, the energy within her that allowed her to do what she did. But the short answer is no, she did not know that she could sever our connection. She fully intended to end her own life.”

Honeymaren said nothing as the words sank in. Then, “How are you speaking to me now?”

“You could say I’m an echo.”

“An echo of Elsa?”

“Kind of.” The fifth spirit offered no other explanation and smiled at her. Honeymaren looked away.

“So the explosion,” she said. 

“That was me,” they explained. “I wanted to do one last thing for Elsa before I couldn’t.”

“So you blew up the warehouse.”

“There wasn’t enough time for anything elaborate. But my method was effective, don’t you think?”

Honeymaren didn’t answer. “Are they dead?”

The spirit didn’t need to ask who she meant. “Yes. All of them. Does that upset you?”

“No,” Honeymaren said, and was surprised to find that it was the truth. “I’m glad they’re dead.”

And indeed, she felt savage delight at the prospect, mixed with a heavy sense of relief. 

“Good,” the fifth spirit said. “So am I. They were horrible men who wanted to take Elsa’s powers no matter the cost. The man you met, Eirik, was a follower of King Runeard. He supported him and his ideals completely. He spent years biding his time, waiting for the right moment, or an opening. He found a way in Elsa’s power after discovering nearly by accident one day that there could be a transfer of her power to another. He spent years trying to figure out how he could get them, and he planned to use them to overthrow Anna and take over Arendelle. Once he was at the top of the government, he would finish what Runeard had wanted- the extermination of your people.” 

“I hardly knew any of that,” Honeymaren admitted, feeling foolish. “Elsa and I tried our best to figure out what was going on but we really had no idea, did we?”

“There is no need to berate yourself,” the fifth spirit murmured. “Eirik was an extremely cunning and smart man who spent years planning his actions. You and Elsa, two very good people, were not equipped to deal with someone like him. And you shouldn’t have had to have been. It is always easier for the corrupt to take advantage of the good, Honeymaren. And you should never feel that your goodness is something to be ashamed of.”

Honeymaren was silent. Her eyes searched the horizon, looking for a sliver of light. But there was none to be found. The sky was covered in clouds.

“What else is bothering you?” asked the spirit. 

She sighed. “Even if we didn’t know exactly what they had meant to do, we knew they wanted something bad. They wouldn’t have gone to such lengths if they wanted Elsa’s power to do good things. And still, Elsa was so willing to die and leave her power with them. Right? She was going to leave all of us at the mercy of them.”

“All she was able to perceive in the moment was you, in danger,” answered the spirit. “She wanted to do everything she could to protect you. Her fear of something happening to you prevented her from seeing past the current situation. You can’t blame her for it. After all, the biggest threat Elsa has ever perceived is herself and the danger she causes others.”

“Well, that’s narcissistic,” Honeymaren huffed, pulling her hands deeper into her sleeves. 

“Do you think so?” The spirit looked at her, her eyes solemn. “I think it’s sad. I think it is sad that Elsa lived her whole life with her worst fear being hurting the people she loved because of a power she didn’t ask for.”

Honeymaren didn’t answer, so the young girl continued. “I was too much for her. For anyone, really. I’m honestly happy that Elsa no longer has to live with me. She deserves the happiness I kept from her all these years.

“See, I was supposed to be a gift. I was born out of love between a Arendellian royal and a Northuldran woman. Love like that breeds great power. So Elsa was born, with me.”

“But you were a terrible gift,” Honeymaren continued for them. “You caused Elsa nothing but misery and pain her entire life.”

The spirit was quiet for a long moment; long enough that Honeymaren turned to look at her in surprise. They looked sad, lost in thought.

“I did, didn’t I?” 

“But it wasn’t your fault,” Honeymaren said with no idea why she felt a sudden desire to reassure the spirit. “Like you said, living with power that great is too much for anyone. Especially a young girl. So she grew up to fear herself and fear getting close to others.”

The spirit suddenly looked just as lost as what young Elsa probably actually looked like, and Honeymaren felt the urge to wrap her arms around the little girl. But of course, it wasn’t really her.

“She cares for you more than anything. She was just too afraid to become attached to you. She feared this. And I know that having been released from her powers won’t protect her from the evil in the world. But she won’t need to be so afraid anymore.” 

The spirit’s face took on a pleading expression. “Promise me you don’t blame her for what she did. Promise me you won’t leave her alone.”

And for the first time that night, Honeymaren saw the love the spirit had for Elsa. The need they had to protect her. And maybe they weren’t afraid of dying, but they were afraid of leaving Elsa alone.

So Honeymaren spoke the words of her heart. “How could I blame her? She died for me. I owe her a life debt if nothing else. But… I love her. I will never stop loving her, even when my body returns to the earth. I will spend the rest of my life with her, if she’ll have me. If… if she wakes up.”

“She will wake up,” the young girl said forcefully. They looked relieved by Honeymaren’s confession. “You just need to give her time.”

Elsa, alive. Powerless, happy, alive. They would live together, in a tent of their own. Share a room in the castle when they visited. She could fall asleep next to her each night and wake up beside her each morning. They would grow old together. She would see Elsa’s hair grow whiter as her own went gray. They would be happy. Together. 

She realized in that moment that she had never allowed herself to think of it. Never allowed herself to really hope for something that had seemed so unlikely this whole time. The prospect of her getting to live a life with the woman she loved… the thought was enough to set her heart racing and her eyes pooling with tears. 

“She loves you too, you know?” the spirit said. “It’s not for me to say, but I want you to know it.”

“I do know it,” Honeymaren said softly, her voice thick with tears. And she did. She had seen it in her eyes as Elsa decided to die for her. 

And then the words fell out of her, not necessarily because she wanted them to but because she was horrified and wanted someone to understand. 

“I didn’t blame her,” Honeymaren whispered. “I blamed myself. I should have done something to prevent it. I should have used the blade Henrik held to me to slit my own throat so Elsa didn’t have to die. I should have paid better attention when I got kidnapped. I could have done something. But in the moment, I did nothing.”

“Ah,” the spirit said quietly. “But where would you be if you did what you said? Right now, the two of you are alive. If you did anything differently, that would probably not be the case, now would it?”

“But I didn’t know this would happen,” Honeymaren whispered. “I let her die for me. I watched it, and I couldn’t do anything.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Honeymaren,” the spirit said firmly. “You had your choices taken from you, your own free will eradicated. For the rest of your life, you will be haunted by what happened here tonight, make no mistake. You will always ask yourself what you could have done differently. But one day, you will understand that had you made different choices or gone about things differently, you would not be here. I can’t tell you that everything will be alright, or that recovering from this will be easy, and I won’t pretend it will be. I’ll just remind that you it does no good to dwell on the past. And that you are the strongest woman I’ve ever met, save our dear Elsa.”

“Now,” and at this they stood up just as fast as a child would. “I am fast fading from this consciousness. If you’ve anything else to say, speak quickly.”

“One more thing, actually,” Honeymaren said, having in fact millions more questions but knowing she should ask the one that would haunt her the most. “Did my mother lie? When she said that Elsa would have to willingly give up her life to transfer the powers to a person of her choosing. Because that is what Elsa did, and. Well.”

She gestured at the spirit wearing the skin of the younger Elsa, and they nodded, smiling as if they had completely forgotten.

“Elsa and I were a special case. Without my host, I will fade away as you will now bear witness to. I could not be bound to another, despite what Elsa’s wishes were. So yes. Your mother lied to both parties for the sole reason of sowing chaos. I am not even certain she knew that a power transfer was impossible. Does that surprise you?”

“It does not,” Honeymaren said quietly. It was the truth. Her mother was really just a rotten person through and through. Even though a sliver of her had held out hope all these years. She could have sworn sympathy flashed through the spirit’s eyes. 

“Never forget that you can choose your family, Honeymaren,” they told her. “You can pick who you want to surround yourself with, or in this case, who you want to keep away from. But I know you already know that. Now come.”

Honeymaren wordlessly followed the form of the little girl as they made their way through the debris, back to where Elsa lay. Before they were upon her, Honeymaren stopped as if held back by an invisible force.

“You mean it?” she whispered. “She’s alive?”

“See for yourself,” came the reply. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, Honeymaren crept forth to Elsa’s still form. She looked so peaceful like this, as if all the worry that usually plagued her had vanished. WHat was strangest is that the knife was gone. As Honeymaren looked closer, she realized the blood stains and the wound that should have been there were not. Her heart skipped. And then she noticed. The slow, barely perceptible rise and fall of her chest. A sob burst from Honeymaren and she sank to her knees, lifting Elsa’s hand with both of hers and pressing it to her lips. For the first time since Honeymaren had met her, Elsa’s hand was warm.

“She’ll sleep for a long while,” the spirit told her. “But don’t worry, she will eventually recover. She will be without powers though, of course, which will be an adjustment. But for her, I think it will be a very welcome one.”

“And you?” Honeymaren looked back up and was startled to find that little Elsa was blurry around the edges. She was getting harder to make out in the darkness. 

“My energy will return to the earth, where it belongs,” they smiled, their voice already softer. 

Honeymaren nodded, turning her attention back to the woman in front of her. Her lips were barely parted and with them, breathing little puffs of air into the chill. She had never seen anything so beautiful. 

“Take care of her for me, will you?” 

There was only empty space before her, the voice barely imperceptible. 

“I know that you’ll do a better job than I ever c…”

And then there was nothing.

Honeymaren stayed kneeling, and gently pulled Elsa’s head into her lap. She didn’t move until she saw the three horses on the horizon, their riders frantic. Even then, she first tilted her face up to the heavens and breathed in deeply.

It had just started to snow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Sorry for the shorter chapter. Hoping this fills in the gaps a bit though. If anything doesn't make sense, please let me know! There's a lot of complicated stuff going on in my head that I hope I was able to explain alright. Anyways, I've loved reading all of your comments and reactions to the previous chapter. Sorry to leave you on a bit of a cliffhanger there. Thank you so much for the comments, kudos, and of course, for reading. It means the world. <3


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